I have an anger problem with my toddler

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Toddlers

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thegiver

Tue, Mar 15 2016, 1:19 am

If he hits me I will do to him what he did to me--it's like instinct
I am not thinking when it happens. I even apologize after.
How do I make it stop?
Has anyone had this issue before?
What has helped you??
I want to change so badly.

Also to stop yelling if he breaks something or makes a mess right after I cleaned everything. Also if he bullies the baby.

HELP!

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Mar 15 2016, 2:28 am

It's great that you want to change. Even if it seems that way, it's NOT instinct to hit back. When he hits you, you have to MAKE yourself stop and rly count to ten to get a hold on the situation. Even though it sounds cliche, it will hopefully give you enough time to THINK about your reaction and remember that you're the adult and you want to teach him the proper way to respond.

newmommy:)

Tue, Mar 15 2016, 4:05 am

toddlers can be very frustrating! if mine wakes up in a crabby mood and shes kvetching and crying the whole morning I can't help but find myself yelling and her and snapping at her etc. but then I stop myself and say "shes just a baby" if I want her to learn how to cope with her crabby mood I neeed to teach her copping skills!
im not saying it's easy, but im saying that the ideal:) try to remember how little he is. keep reminding yourself. Also remind yourself that toddlers copy everything you do so if he hits and you hit back his brain is being programmed to think - ok hitting is something we do.
I know it's hard to be so self aware in a heated moment but the more your practice the more it will become natural.

5*Mom

Tue, Mar 15 2016, 6:28 am

How would you like to respond in those situations? When you are alone and things are quiet, play the scene in your mind with you responding the way you would like to. Imagine your child hitting you and imagine yourself staying calm, not taking it personally, and responding the way you want to. Imagine yourself cleaning up a room, then your toddler making a mess, and yourself staying calm, not taking it personally, and responding the way you want to. Doing this will create and strengthen alternate neural pathways so that in the moment, you will have ways of responding other than instinct. This technique is extremely useful through the teen years and beyond. It can help you parent consciously.

imasinger

Tue, Mar 15 2016, 6:53 am

Great advice here already.

Just one more piece.

Are you taking enough care of yourself? It's hard to react at our best when we are exhausted, overworked, unhappy.

What might help you have better access to your best self?

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