What is my moral obligation?

amother

Seafoam

Wed, Mar 16 2016, 5:56 pm

I have a former Jewish babysitter who I don't need anymore, and I've tried referring her to other people, but it's not working out with other people--she has her quirks, but overall I think she's a good babysitter. A few years ago I helped her type up a resume, but the job didn't pan out, and I can't find the file anymore. She asked me a few days ago to help her find it. First she said that she was going to come 3pm on Sunday, she didn't come. Then she called me Sunday night and said she was going to come 6pm on Monday. She came closer to 7pm and my husband and I actually had plans last night so I told her that it wasn't a good time, but I looked for the file, and I couldn't find it. Which means she will likely want me to start from scratch. I don't remember any of the details of it any more. She told me that she was going to come 5pm today, and now its closer to 6pm and she hasn't come. I have stuff to do, I have Purim to prepare for, my kids to tend to, and I'm tired. I really want her to find a job, I know she really needs the parnassah, but resumes aren't really my thing. What do I do? She told me that someone is waiting for her to send it to her.

Wed, Mar 16 2016, 6:22 pm

amother wrote:

She asked me a few days ago to help her find it. First she said that she was going to come 3pm on Sunday, she didn't come.

Your answer is in the space between these two sentences.

Did you tell you you would for sure find the file?

If not, I think you have completely fulfilled your obligation (if you ever had one) to help her find a new job.

If you said you would provide the resume, you tell her when to come over, not the other way around. Do it at your convenience.

Either way, if you really do not gave the file, be honest and let her know. Describe how much time it would take to recreate it, and that you no longer have the necessary information. Certainly, after so much time has passed, she would need to update it substantially anyway.

It's nice of you to try you help, but if she is as unreliable as you say, and not capable of writing up and keeping track of her own work history, it is not surprising to me that she has had trouble keeping a job. Maybe it would be more helpful to recommend some kind of job coaching.

imasinger

Wed, Mar 16 2016, 8:29 pm

I think it's okay to say the truth. "I'm really sorry; I searched a lot, but I can't find your file. Last week I had some time that I was prepared to give to help you rewrite it, but now, with Purim coming and Pesach around the corner, I'm really swamped. What can I do for you that I can do in 20 minutes, on my own time, and send to you? How about a letter of recommendation?"

greenfire

Wed, Mar 16 2016, 8:54 pm

you have no obligation to help her ... though you can be nice enough to be honest with her & tell her you cannot find it ... you're making her wait for nothing and that is wasting time - both yours & hers