Thanks for "helping"

amother

Papaya

Tue, Mar 22 2016, 1:15 pm

My husband's cousin comes by a few evenings a week to help out and sleeps over (our house is close to her college). It is very sweet of her. At this point, I don't usually need the help but tell her she is more than welcome to come anyways, feel free to eat by us and sleep by us. Here's my dilemma: she likes to help by doing my daughter's homework with her. which my daughter loves and which could be helpful. However, my daughter and the cousin make a very unfocused pair and a 10 min hmwk assignment end up taking 40 min. then my DD is frustrated she has no time to play b4 bed time. I love the cousin and all, not sure how to tell her to either leave the hmwk to me or stay focused.
I hope I'm not coming across as unappreciative.

Fox

Tue, Mar 22 2016, 1:37 pm

How about giving your DD the choice?

"You know, Concordia, Cousin Diantha is coming over tonight and the two of you enjoy doing your homework together. But part of the time, you're really just hanging out -- not doing homework -- so it takes longer. If you want to have time to play before bed, you should do your homework by yourself. If you would prefer to have Diantha do it with you, be aware that that is your playtime."

Depending on Concordia's age, you may have to repeat this over a few times.

I think it would be great for a young girl to have an older cousin to spend time with, but alas, we can't have our cake and eat it, too!

amother

Papaya

Tue, Mar 22 2016, 1:39 pm

Fox wrote:

Thanks! Concordia is 6, so I'm not sure how much she will get it. but that is a good way to look at it and explain it.
However did you dream up those names?

Fox

Tue, Mar 22 2016, 1:47 pm

amother wrote:

Thanks! Concordia is 6, so I'm not sure how much she will get it. but that is a good way to look at it and explain it.
However did you dream up those names?

Six is plenty old enough to understand the choice involved. Just give Diantha a heads-up so that Concordia doesn't suck her into the homework hour and then claim that she didn't "choose" to socialize.

As for the names, Concordia was my second choice for my eldest DD, Clementine, and Diantha was my second choice for Druscilla. Of course, there simply was no second choice for Prunella! Prosperpina? Poppy? Phryne? No, nothing would do but Prunella.

amother

Papaya

Tue, Mar 22 2016, 1:50 pm

Fox wrote:

So I'm nervous that Diantha would get insulted. she is really not focused herself and that is why it takes so long. It is really her fault that the homework shlepps.
Wait, is your DD really Clementine?
LOL, My big sis used to call me prunella

Fox

Tue, Mar 22 2016, 2:01 pm

amother wrote:

This is kind of like making cookies. You and I could probably whip up a few dozen cookies with minimum time and energy wasted. We'd use whatever shortcuts we knew; we'd have a cookie pan ready to go in the oven as the other was coming out, etc.

But if we made cookies with our kids, it would be a completely different experience. We'd probably slow the whole process down and converse as we completed each measurement and step. It would be about the relationship, not about the cookies. Needless to say, it would take a lot more time than needed if the goal was simply to produce cookies.

That's really what Diantha is doing: she's building a relationship with Concordia, and that's probably more valuable than the homework.

Nevertheless, Concordia has to learn that time is not infinite, and that she has to make some choices. She can do homework with Diantha, which will take 40 minutes. She can do homework without Diantha, which will take 10 minutes, and use the remaining 30 minutes to play or do something else fun with Diantha.