Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Should I expect guests to bring a contribution to the seuda?



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 22 2016, 1:53 pm
We've one family is joining us for the Purim seuda, and another is possibly coming for dessert, or even for part of the seuda (they are coming after an earlier one, said the husband, who is DH's friend). Both of the families are friends of DH, and I am somewhat friendly with the wives. The husband of the family who is coming for the whole seuda asked my husband if they can bring anything. Rather than answer him (darn it DH!), Dh just told him to have his wife ask me directly. I would have had DH tell him to bring wine/drinks!

The cost of the seuda is obviously on us - were the ones who initiated - that much is obvious. But, do people generally offer to bring something to a seuda? Is it like pesach where guests know to bring wine? I would never ask her to bring something if she doesn't ask - but I am kind of annoyed that the wife hasn't yet contacted me.

We've had this family once before for shabbos and they didnt offer to bring anything, but brought a tine dessert, which their kids ate most of, so I am not expecting them to bring anything, really.

I guess I'm just asking if there is a "normal" for this. I have hosted Purim every year for the past many years and people always offer to bring something. Is it rude not to?
Back to top

Helani




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 22 2016, 2:04 pm
we always do a purim seuda with several friends (rotating houses) and everyone contributes part of the meal. If anyone can't cook for whatever reason, they bring paper goods. Everyone brings wine. It's basically a potluck. The onus of setting up and cleaning up is on the hosts, although other ladies try to help out.
Back to top

amother
Gold


 

Post Tue, Mar 22 2016, 2:08 pm
I think if you are hosting the seuda and they are your guests they don't have to bring something but it would be nice on their part if they offered to make something or bring a present but if you are doing a joint seuda but it's just in your house they should bring some food.
Back to top

causemommysaid




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 22 2016, 2:08 pm
Purim is usually pot luck. If it's not then of course she should bring something. This is not a shabbos meal where one bottle of wine or a small dessert is sufficient.

Also I think everyone should foot the cost of their own wine.

I guess every dynamic is different.
Back to top

justmarried:)




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 22 2016, 2:11 pm
You shouldn't except them to bring anything. It's nice if they offer though. But if it's too expesinsive for you then don't invite guests in the first place because they may not offer.
Back to top

Faigy86




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 22 2016, 2:13 pm
amother wrote:
I think if you are hosting the seuda and they are your guests they don't have to bring something but it would be nice on their part if they offered to make something or bring a present but if you are doing a joint seuda but it's just in your house they should bring some food.


This.
I think it is an important distinction.
Back to top

WhatFor




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 22 2016, 2:15 pm
watergirl wrote:
We've one family is joining us for the Purim seuda, and another is possibly coming for dessert, or even for part of the seuda (they are coming after an earlier one, said the husband, who is DH's friend). Both of the families are friends of DH, and I am somewhat friendly with the wives. The husband of the family who is coming for the whole seuda asked my husband if they can bring anything. Rather than answer him (darn it DH!), Dh just told him to have his wife ask me directly. I would have had DH tell him to bring wine/drinks!

The cost of the seuda is obviously on us - were the ones who initiated - that much is obvious. But, do people generally offer to bring something to a seuda? Is it like pesach where guests know to bring wine? I would never ask her to bring something if she doesn't ask - but I am kind of annoyed that the wife hasn't yet contacted me.

We've had this family once before for shabbos and they didnt offer to bring anything, but brought a tine dessert, which their kids ate most of, so I am not expecting them to bring anything, really.

I guess I'm just asking if there is a "normal" for this. I have hosted Purim every year for the past many years and people always offer to bring something. Is it rude not to?


The problem in this case is that the request has to go through two men before making it to this woman, so we don't even know if the message was conveyed....
Back to top

watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 22 2016, 2:16 pm
I agree with you all - its interesting, last year we had 2 families and one brought drinks and salad, and the other brought nothing - not even mm!
Back to top

cm




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 22 2016, 2:20 pm
I think it's like any other festive meal. At least IME in the US, it is considered normal to offer to bring something. Some people offer certain things; for example, if I know I have no time to bake I might offer to pick something up from the bakery.

Depending on your personality and your relationship with the guests, you may assign entire courses ("sure, please bring appetizer for eight!") or you may decline the offer altogether, in which case the guest will most likely bring a bottle of wine or dessert.

If you don't know people well, I wouldn't ask for too much unless the event was well-understood as a potluck.
Back to top

watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 22 2016, 2:21 pm
WhatFor wrote:
The problem in this case is that the request has to go through two men before making it to this woman, so we don't even know if the message was conveyed....

Right. But I'm not friends with his wife (yet - I'd like to be, which is why we invited them).
Back to top

chouli




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 22 2016, 2:26 pm
We also have two other families coming for the seude. So far no one offered to bring anything...We often host, and I would say that most people ask in advance what they could bring, others just show up with a bottle of wine
Back to top

busydev




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 22 2016, 4:01 pm
Can you call her to touch base about the time (just making sure the dhs got it straight lol) and then she has the opportunity to offer?
We usually do Purim potluck and BYOW.
Back to top

watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 22 2016, 4:23 pm
busydev wrote:
Can you call her to touch base about the time (just making sure the dhs got it straight lol) and then she has the opportunity to offer?
We usually do Purim potluck and BYOW.

Thats a great idea.
Back to top

newmommy:)




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 22 2016, 4:29 pm
will also give you another chance to become friends like u said ud like to Smile
Back to top

watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 22 2016, 11:29 pm
Well, I called like Busydev suggested and she didn't offer to bring anything. Oh well. Its all good, as I was the one to extend the invitation and she is of course under no obligation as a guest to bring anything. I wonder if she even wants to come - she wasnt so friendly when we spoke. Could be that I called at not a good time for her, could be that she isnt thrilled to be coming to us - regardless, Ill prepare as if she isnt bringing anything and if she does, itll be a pleasant suprise.
Back to top
Page 1 of 1 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

Related Topics Replies Last Post
ISO box/bag to put in guests rooms
by amother
3 Tue, Mar 26 2024, 9:18 pm View last post
Please don't bring babies or young children to megillah
by dena613
166 Mon, Mar 25 2024, 5:43 pm View last post
Can I make green beans today for the Purim Seuda?
by amother
0 Fri, Mar 22 2024, 9:56 am View last post
What time is your seuda
by amother
5 Wed, Mar 20 2024, 6:05 pm View last post
Fun and Easy Menu Ideas for Purim Seuda
by amother
7 Tue, Mar 19 2024, 11:46 pm View last post