SAHM | Imamother

mummiedearest

Thu, Mar 31 2016, 1:00 pm

Maya wrote:

There are more options than just either working or becoming overbearing and overly involved.

hear, hear. personally, I have plans with my husband for when the youngest flies the nest. I have no intention of being overly involved in my adult kids' lives.

and yes, my oldest isn't in the double digits yet. we like to plan for the future.

amother

Babypink

Thu, Mar 31 2016, 1:06 pm

the question can feel "invasive" and "judgmental".
The SAHM may not want to tell you about her medical or psychological issues... her child's difficulties with school...which can all take up a lot of time. She might be happy with a slow relaxed pace of life that you seem to look down on. One can feel like they have to say enough things to "satisfy" which can be uncomfortable.

tichellady

Thu, Mar 31 2016, 1:06 pm

I find it amusing that there posts about this topic so often. I don't have kids and do work but there was a time when I was between jobs and honestly I was very busy and productive. I always had a ton to do. Now that I'm working I find that I have very little time to take care of " projects" and a lot is neglected, but we seem to manage and things get done if they absolutely have to . I have to think a lot more about how to get things done in a limited amount of time and that takes up more head space ( I only can go grocery shopping once a week versus every day so I really have to meal plan and figure out Shabbat plans early in the week which takes a lot of mental energy ). I can easily see how a SAHM With kids in school could stay busy while being less stressed about figuring out how to fit in everything. Not sure why that is a bad thing. I would like to win the least stressed contest. And I'm sure there are SAHMs that are stressed and busy for all sorts of reasons.

amother

Brunette

Thu, Mar 31 2016, 2:15 pm

Maya wrote:

There are more options than just either working or becoming overbearing and overly involved.

Obviously. It's a cautionary tale - find another outlet (aside from your kids) while you're raising your children, or it's so easy to get stuck in the mindset of caring for your children as #1 priority that when those children are no longer children you're still stuck on taking care of them.

I work so that my life doesn't revolve solely around my kids. I could just as well volunteer or take up a hobby.

gold21

Thu, Mar 31 2016, 3:50 pm

amother wrote:

I think that when moms dont make time for adult relationships- their marriage first off, and also good friendships, and family, etc.... theyll likely be in the same boat at the end of the day, whether theyre working or not.

Notsobusy

Thu, Mar 31 2016, 5:23 pm

zigi wrote:

it depends what the working mom's job is.
also why are other people more important that their own family. I help a special needs child every day. we work on speech how to deal with changes and social skills.
its my own son. why is it better if I went out to work and was a respite com hab?
I was at home for a shortish time without anyone. but it gave me the koach so I didn't have to hire an outside helper to deal with him.

Most people are not working to help other people, they're working to help their own families. With things like housing, food, insurance, school. It's great if you can afford to take care of your own special needs child, but you have to understand that that's not feasible for a lot of people.

amother

Periwinkle

Thu, Mar 31 2016, 6:13 pm

amother wrote:

I've posted about this before. My mother was always a SAHM. We are a small family and she was always home, even when we were in school. She did some volunteer work and PTA stuff and cared for my elderly grandparents (who didn't need much care until all kids were older).

Now we're all married for close to 10 years and living out of town, the grandparents have passed away, and she no longer volunteers. I work even though I don't have to (from home) so that I don't turn into her.

Don't get me wrong, she's wonderful and everything, but her life is empty. She fills it with endless shopping and pointless errands and lunch dates and then says how busy she is. But she's not. She has full-time cleaning help and nobody at home. She and my father go out for supper at least once a week.

She is overly involved in our lives and has effectively ruined her relationship with most of us due to her overbearingness, which is entirely due to her complete and utter boredom.

I feel sorry for her and work so that I don't become her. I love her dearly but I can't fathom a life like that and would never want to do to my kids what she does to us.

Just some perspective.

You're mother's not that way just because she doesn't work. I have a whole bucket list of things I want to do once my children are old enough to take care of themselves.

amother

Puce

Thu, Mar 31 2016, 10:03 pm

Something to consider: men who earn enough to support a SAHM and full-time help are generally so busy that their wives take care of everything. Also, someone who works 16 hours a day may not have a lot of patience for coming home to find a basket of unfolded laundry on the couch. He's paying for a calm and relaxed atmosphere.

naturalmom5

Thu, Mar 31 2016, 11:25 pm

amother wrote:

Why is it a rude question to ask a sahm with no kids at home how she spends her day? Its responses like the one you suggested above that enhance the stereotype that they do nothing. Even though the answer is obviously sarcastic, many people would interpret that you probably don't have a good answer and are using sarcasm to distract the question.

No I'm using sarcasm as a polite way of saying
NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS Twisted Evil

amother

Tangerine

Thu, Mar 31 2016, 11:34 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

No I'm using sarcasm as a polite way of saying
NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS Twisted Evil

It's a yenta site. In fact is called jewish woman talk about anything. Asking a sahm how she spends her day is included in anything.