Difficult boss - vent

amother

Amber

Mon, Apr 04 2016, 12:54 pm

This is just a vent.

I am retraining but cannot seek a new job soon. (without taking the time to explain in detail.) I work for a very small place with a boss who always degrades me and speaks to me in an impatient way.

No room to move or change (too small). She's not a very patient person, but to the other two employees who have more yichus, friends and family or whatever, she's sort of ashamed to treat them disrespectfully, but not to me. (Not ashamed to treat me that way in front of them either.) Nothing really to be done about it. I've lived with it for a long time, but I find it so hard.

I'm very sensitive to criticism. Just today, she asked me to do something. I didn't even realy say anything as she was talking, but in her own monlogue, already understood me as misunderstanding and got angry and impatient. I just want you to do x,y,z!!

I just find it so hard to live with. She sees me as someone that annoys her. To her it's my fault. So hard to tell myself it's not me. Her personality is so much stronger than mine.
No I cannot talk to her about it. She doesn't even realize how she talks. She thinks it's normal. And I will just get criticized much more for trying.

I hope to get out of here one day, b"eh. Problem is even with retraining, the starting salaries are lower than my current one. And finances are very tight.

watergirl

Mon, Apr 04 2016, 1:03 pm

Self talk is a great thing. "The issue is with her, not with me. I am doing my job and I am ok". Wash, rinse, repeat.

Questino is - are you sure that you have job security here? If friends and family have influence over her, will someone new take your job if its a friend who needs a job? Not asking to scare you - just that in a toxic environment, you may never be too sure where you stand with the boss.

Can you explain the retraining? Is it within the business or outside of it?

amother

Amber

Mon, Apr 04 2016, 1:12 pm

I am here many years and I guess she needs me so she's not firing me.

When I mean family, friends. I mean I come from a different background - no not have yichus or relatives to have Jewish geography conversations with. So I am more of an outsider.

Not that socially I have friends, but she will never needs me to help her find a shidduch for her kids (now they're all married anyway) but just trying to explain.

I am a computer programmer and recently retrained in more current things. But so far the jobs I tried, see me as a beginner and offer such salaries. I am doing some part time work for someone right now, which is good.

I just feel like crying right now as I sit here.

I will try to repeat your words to myself.

Thank you.

watergirl

Mon, Apr 04 2016, 1:24 pm

amother wrote:

Understood. As hard as it is, you do seem to have a steady gig there, which is more than many can say. I left a steady job that I Knew I would never be fired from because dh and I (it was a job as a couple) were treated horrifically by our bosses and the community whom we worked for. While I have a job Bh, dh regrets leaving because as disgusting as the abuse from everyone was, he is still underemployed 2 years later.

If you can manage to hang in there, with the help of the One Above and self talk, you will be thankfull. Remember - its not you. Its her.

rachel6543

Mon, Apr 04 2016, 10:51 pm

Hang in there! That's great you are retraining.

I get you said it's not good time to look for another job due to various reasons. However, In the meantime, if you haven't already, create a LinkedIn page and keep your resume updated. And let your professional network and friends know you are looking for another job. You never know, an amazing job opportunity may just pop up.

At work, make sure to continue to always be professional and polite. And don't take it personally - your boss is just not a nice person and it's not your fault. Self talk is a great idea. And if possible, see a therpist to vent at.

Keep focused on your long term plan to get out of this job. And make sure to Daven to Hashem!!

Not too long ago myself I got a new job. I won't go into all the details, but I was working with an unprofessional boss who had threatened me with my job. It took me months of looking to find another job. Literally out of no where I found another job and I'm SO MUCH happier (and healthier) now. I work with a kind, professional and pleasant boss and team and even get paid more $$. I thank Hashem every day for my current job.

If it would help, id be happy to look over you resume. I've helped several friends update their resumes.