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Advice needed please



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amother
Apricot


 

Post Fri, Apr 08 2016, 12:25 pm
I browsed through my iPad history and found some links to [filth]. I have a good block on the internet and a password. I take it at night into my room for security. I confronted my 13 year old. He played dumb but has been avoiding me since. He hides in his room as soon as he comes home. That means he is feeling some guilt. What would make him google such things????? What do I do now? Ignore it? Approach him again? Will it effect him for life?
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amother
Tangerine


 

Post Fri, Apr 08 2016, 1:13 pm
Can you get some RL guidance? You need to repair the relationship before you tackle the [filth].

He was curious. All humans are. Now it's a matter of helping him understand the beauty and kedusha of marriage versus the carnal acts of lust he witnessed. It may have to be his father's job.
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amother
Apricot


 

Post Fri, Apr 08 2016, 1:19 pm
We have a great and very open relationship. I am not worried about that. He didn't seem to be effect by it. He isn't acting any differently. I have been observing him all week. I hope it didn't ruin him. If he doesn't want to talk about it should I try once again to mention it so he can get it off his chest or let it go? I can't talk to anyone irl about it. Too embarrasing. That is why I came here. He is the type to not care( like me). Nothing phases him. I am wondering if you think it will still have an affect on him down the road? I know teenage boys are curious and he is in the normal range...
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amother
Tangerine


 

Post Fri, Apr 08 2016, 1:20 pm
You said he is avoiding you. How is that not acting differently?
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amother
Apricot


 

Post Fri, Apr 08 2016, 1:25 pm
He is avoiding being alone with me since he has a feeling I will ask him about it. As soon as he sees I won't mention it he'll come down. I know him well. When all kids are home he is downstairs. Only once the kids are in bed or outside does he go up. I think it's a good thing he feels some guilt. Teens are not easy.
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PAMOM




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 08 2016, 1:28 pm
He's embarrassed, not ruined. Just tell him that he can't use your IPad, that some kinds of pictures misrepresent the nature of physical relationships, and that he should ask you or dh if he has questions. Then ask if he has questions. It's only s big deal if you make it one.
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amother
Apricot


 

Post Fri, Apr 08 2016, 1:38 pm
Thank you. That sums up my thoughts. Will do just that.
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amother
Apricot


 

Post Fri, Apr 08 2016, 4:25 pm
amother wrote:
You said he is avoiding you. How is that not acting differently?

I meant he isn't moody or agitated or out of it
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amother
Tangerine


 

Post Fri, Apr 08 2016, 4:30 pm
Okay I thought maybe this was a general pattern that he avoids you. Some people overestimate the strength of the relationship they have with their children.

All I want to add to PAMOM is to be very careful not to shame him. Tell him you know it's normal to be curious but not all sources of information are equally valid. Offer to tell him whatever he wants to know and do discuss [filth] with him eventually

I had a letter from a mother to a son about [filth] somewhere. Maybe if you google it you can find it. It went into very graphic detail but depending on what he's seen and how long this has been going on it may be exactly what he needs to hear.

Hatzlacha.
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