I say "what a day" every. single. day.

amother

Ruby

Mon, Apr 11 2016, 7:49 pm

**INTRO. I am a very happy SAHM. But, boy. What a day.

4/11/16
It’s 6:04. I’m in my room with the door locked and cup of tea. The lights are off. I’m hoping it cools down fast; the clock is ticking. I need this tea so I can regain my sanity. Outside the door I hear Big boy yelling at Toddler, “no, that’s my backpack”. I don’t hear any noises from toddler, so I assume he’s submitted to His Majesty. Baby is screeching in the bouncer. My eyes are dry. My body is weary. It’s not time to come out yet. “Please,” I think, “just calm down on your own!”
We got dressed and fed this morning, all five of us, don’t ask how. After Big Boy was in school, we drove Tatty to yeshiva, went to the eye doctor, went to a bagel store, and put Toddler to bed. Then we had lunch with Tatty, picked up Big Boy from school, drove to the eyeglass store, went to Barns and Nobles, drove Tatty to yeshiva, and by then, I was pretty spent. In the last two hours, I’ve cooked two suppers, fed three children, given three baths, tried on all the ordered clothing, and played with the tool set and blocks and nursed the baby twice…
Sip of tea. Still too hot. It’s 6:05. Feels like longer cuz the kids are so loud. I must go out there. My children need me. Just need my tea. Sip. Hot. I like it the temperature that I can gulp all that caffeine in about a second and a half. Next time I’ll add more milk; it seems like a five minute break is too long to steal away.
6:07 Baby still screeching. Nebach. I get him. My cup is still full. Big Boy reprimands me, “we didn’t know what to do with baby!” I go to my room with baby, other two kids in tow. They jump on my bed. Holding chips. Oh joy, I love sleeping in a crunchy bed. One falls off. He cries. Brother gives him kisses. I don’t really respond. I’m holding a hollering baby. Gulp of tea. And another. Its 6:12. It is very loud in here. As I finish off the last drops, I start fantasizing about what life would be like if I could mute it at will. Baby interrupt my thoughts with a loud belch and calms down considerably. Kid says “lets look out the window,” and both kids do, quietly. I exhale. 6:15. “ok kids,” I say, “lets go read books on the couch.” Am I relaxed? No! I could use another three hours. My feet crunch on crumbs the whole way there. “If social services would come here now…” I think, “Oh shut up, brain.” Baby starts to scream again. I find the pasi and do my calming dance. While the kids go to pick a book, I stop at the kettle to boil it up again. Somehow this little action manages to punctuate my day, whilst the tea hardly ever materializes. I think it gives me hope that I might be able to have five minutes to myself at some point… I decide to nurse Baby, even though I nursed him just two hours ago, because nothing I am doing is working. Toddler and Big Boy make mischief, Toddler falls and screams. I decide it is an early bedtime night. Toddler plopped into bed, thank Goodness for cribs. It’s 6:25. Books and tea never happen. Big Boy wants milk. I am starving. Why is this house so messy? Why is there no food to eat? I don’t get how people juggle dinner, cleaning, and childcare and appointments with three children under five. Is that even possible? Big Boy reminds me that I made tea and it is sitting on the counter, and he wants to know if he can have it. “Sure,” I tell him, and hope Tatty walks in soon so I can make another cup. Noting the whisk, pile of duplo, laundry basket, overturned bowl of noodles, and scraps of paper I will need to navigate on my way out, I play one of my desperation cards. I turn off every light in the house and draw all the curtains, and announce, “it is so dark! Let’s go to bed!” Big Boy informs me he is not going to sleep tonight. It is 6:40. I don’t think I can win this war right now. I go to my bedroom and stare at my computer screen, waiting out the longest five minutes of the day, until Tatty walks in the door. Bless him. I will get to eat dinner today, after all. But first, a wondrous cup of tea.

amother

Smokey

Mon, Apr 11 2016, 8:02 pm

Wow.
Sounds similar to my day except that but your totty is around way more often.

By us Totty leaves to work at around 6:30 AM (while kids are asleep) and returns after 9 or 10 PM during busy season. He has a far commute so we don't see him during the day or have lunch with him...

Oh well, I try to focus on the positive. Some people that I know don't have a totty in the picture at all, and others have tottys that work long hours but don't make enough parnassah.

Bh we have what we need.

amother

Ruby

Mon, Apr 11 2016, 8:07 pm

Right. He leaves at in the AM when the rest of the family is asleep. This morning was an exception, and we drove him in the morning to Yeshiva because I needed the car for the eye doctor appointment. [We only have one car],. We get to pick him up and see him for an hour and drop him back off for lunch, so that is about 2 hours total. Then at night he is home from 6:45-7:15 and then not again until 10:30. He is not home all the time.

imasinger

Mon, Apr 11 2016, 11:20 pm

Whew.

OP, you are a fine writer. If you ever want to do more with it, in your copious free time, I think you should. You have a gift for bringing the chaos of your SAHM day to a reader.

amother

Jade

Mon, Apr 11 2016, 11:55 pm

Does anyone in the family work?

Zehava

Mon, Apr 11 2016, 11:55 pm

You have so much on your plate! Please don't compare yourself to others.

MitzadSheini

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 12:02 am

Small small tip. Put 2 ice cubes in your tea. It makes it drinkable straight away. Kind of hot and cold at the same time, quite interesting taste to me.

amother

Mustard

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 12:31 am

This is why Videos were invented. We watch them during supper until getting ready for bedtime here. It calms the chaos for 30-60 minutes and then they actually eat.

5mom

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 1:05 am

Blow bubbles with the kids. They have fun, you take deep cleansing breaths.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 9:17 am

imasinger wrote:

Whew.

OP, you are a fine writer. If you ever want to do more with it, in your copious free time, I think you should. You have a gift for bringing the chaos of your SAHM day to a reader.

Oh my gosh, THIS. I kept thinking "Wow, you are such a talented writer!" and at the same time sending you lots of sympathy and strength. If there's a tiny bit of comfort to be had, know that great talent only comes from great pain and struggle. People with an easy life usually have little creativity. Think of yourself as the vanGogh of venting!

I second using videos for the two bigger ones. I resisted mightily, until DD was three. I finally had to cave and find some kosher things for her to watch, and my whole world changed. Just a half an hour of peace so that I could clean the kitchen and make dinner without burning things, turned me into a human again. I was a much better mother after that.

If DH is against it, just let him read what you wrote here, and tell him how much you need some space. Go to a frum website, and let DH decide what he wants to let into the house, and you can work it out together. Have a set time for videos, and resist the temptation to use them more often that you think is best. The kids should know that X means video time, and not "all day long."

Wishing you huge hugs, and cool tea. Hug

kollel wife

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 10:20 am

Wow - brings back memories - now my youngest is 9 and oldest 23 - the years (very demanding days and nights do fly by).

If you don't want videos, there are Jewish tapes - Uncle Moishy etc - now I guess it's CDs. You found an outlet - your cup of tea - don't think I had one.

Warm weather is coming - they will be able to play outdoors - with it's own demands of running after them - but it's still helpful!!!

observer

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 10:25 am

Yup...sounds like life with a bunch of little kids kah! You're not alone! I'm sure many can relate!

causemommysaid

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 11:22 am

this is why bedtimes got pushed from 7 pm to 6:30 pm. I just need a longer evening.

gold21

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 12:04 pm

Definitely a video when you need to catch a quick break

lucky14

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 2:11 pm

Just wanted to say that that was very well written! That is hard. I get hardly anything done with only one, can't imagine 3!

little_mage

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 3:58 pm

We have days where my answer to how the day was was some variation on "No one died/I didn't kill anyone." So I understand completely. And I agree, you were wonderfully evocative.

amother

Ecru

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 4:08 pm

Well put op!
I hope it is not out of place if I wonder here, how come I can't get those early bed times? If any of my kids got out to bed at 6:30 they would consider it a nap and be up till who knows when.
Thanks for the vicarious vent!