Upsherin in diapers???

amother

Forestgreen

Thu, Apr 14 2016, 7:23 pm

My son is turning three on pesach and is really being impossible about toilet training. It seems like he is not ready. Is there such a thing? He does not get the concept... He had like 7 accidents today and did not pee in the toilet even once.
I kept him home from school today but nothing doing.
Any advice????

amother

Bisque

Thu, Apr 14 2016, 7:35 pm

My son is 3 1/2 and still had accidents. Definitely much better but it can take a long time for some kids.

Maya

Thu, Apr 14 2016, 7:40 pm

amother wrote:

Same experience with my son. Experts in childhood development told me it was normal and there was nothing to worry about at that age. I just let it go until he told me he was ready to use the toilet. IIRC, it was a few weeks after his birthday.

amother

Olive

Thu, Apr 14 2016, 7:42 pm

DON'T PUSH if he's not ready! It's so not worth it. My son had his upsherin in a diaper and it was just fine. I took a break from toilet training because it was turning into a huge frustrating power struggle. When I tried again (about 2 months after his 3rd birthday) he was ready, and he trained - day and night! - in one day, literally. And no accidents. Give him some time and ease up on the pressure.

cnc

Thu, Apr 14 2016, 7:42 pm

It's perfectly fine.
We just hold that the child doesn't begin wearing tzitzis until he is trained.

amother

Forestgreen

Thu, Apr 14 2016, 7:58 pm

Op here! Totally fine! I so against pushing and a big believer that. The child MUST be ready.
Ty! Somehow I thought a boy at upsherin age.... But glad I read about the tzitzis part. Wouldn't have known.
Appreciate all your responses! Isn't this site the best?

Aetrsnrady

Thu, Apr 14 2016, 8:09 pm

My DS wasn't ready. On the day of the upsherin, he briefly wore the tzitzis on top of his clothes. (I made sure is diaper was clean.) Our local boys' school has boys come on the day of their upsherin and they asked us to bring in a yarmulke and tzitzis. The rebbe made such a big deal as he put the tzitzis on DS and all the kids in the class sang 'mazel tov' and danced, it ended up motivating him to train (still took time though.) He is 5 now, BH, and diapers are long forgotten. Wink

justforfun87

Thu, Apr 14 2016, 8:16 pm

My son and most of his friends weren't trained until 3.5yrs old. It literally took a day to trian and he has been dry night and day since. I really really didn't push it.

gold21

Thu, Apr 14 2016, 9:43 pm

We dont do upsherin, but my oldest trained at 2 and a half and my second trained at 3 and a quarter! Any my next child trained right around her 3rd birthday. KAH!

Its perfectly normal not to train up until 3 and a half, so dont push it until then if the child doesn't seem ready.

Mazal tov!

CEF

Fri, Apr 15 2016, 2:58 am

Please ask a shayla re Tzitzis. Not everyone paskens that he can't wear them with a diaper. If all the boys are wearing he won't want to feel left out.

Iymnok

Fri, Apr 15 2016, 3:34 am

CEF wrote:

Please ask a shayla re Tzitzis. Not everyone paskens that he can't wear them with a diaper. If all the boys are wearing he won't want to feel left out.

Correct, that same thinking would mean that a man can't wear them in the bathroom.
We used tzitzis as a reward. It was a good incentive.

amother

Blush

Fri, Apr 15 2016, 4:42 am

Very common, most boys aren't actually trained by exactly 3. My oldest didn't train till 3.5. When the kid is ready, truly ready, it'll happen in a day or three. If it's taking weeks or months, you're just wasting your time and sanity.
Re: tzitzis, ask your rav, but mine said wearing it with a diaper is totally fine, however the bracha needs to be said with a clean diaper.

suzyq

Fri, Apr 15 2016, 9:09 am

My son was NOT trained at his upsherin - when he was ready, he was ready and basically trained himself. Do ask your rav about tzitzis with diapers - our rav said it was fine for our son to wear them before he was potty trained.

greenfire

Fri, Apr 15 2016, 9:16 am

don't know what to say cause all my kiddies trained early as they hated the diapers against their sensitive skin

that being said you don't have much of a choice - he needs the upsherin cause he is 3

the tzitzis comes in play because you don't want them getting dirty ... but guess what - toilet trained boys also dirty tzitzis & if anything the diaper keeps them more clean with less of a chance of getting in the toilet or peed upon

keeping that in mind ... I do believe it's the mindset of the parent - as you are likely training yourself to remind kid to use the bathroom & in turn he will get the hang of going it by himself/herself