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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Toddlers
How to respond to anxiety 18mth old?



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amother
Blonde


 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 7:28 am
My 18mth old, who was previously super laid back is going through some serious personality changes. He has become quite particular - if the kids get in his space, he yells his own version of "stop!", he is super fussy with foods, and now, he has become extremely anxious whenever he sees pictures of animals or stuffed toys.

I feel terrible because I mishandled his original expression of fear (the older kids were watching a movie with lions and other animals). I kept the baby there, even though he was expressing fear, hoping that he would acclimate to the movie (as the other kids were enjoying watching, and he is quite in tune with his siblings). I told him over and over, not to be scared, it's okay.
Big mistake, now he gets agitated whenever he sees any representation of an animal, of any kind (even a soft fluffy duckling!). He actually says "scared". He's only 18mths!

I'm concerned that he's developing an overly fearful tendency, how do I make sure this fizzles out, rather than generalize further (as it has done already)?

I don't even know where I would start looking for expert advice on anxiety in babies... I never heard of sending an 18 mth old to therapy !!
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amother
cornflower


 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 10:33 am
what country do you live in
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pickle321




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 10:36 am
Never tell a child how to feel. Don't tell him not be scared. You are supposed to be his protector, if you see he's scared acknowledge how he feels and reassure him. And remove him from the situation if necessary
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observer




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 10:39 am
You have to support him through this phase by being a calm, reassuring presence. He will probably be clingier than normal, and may need to be held a lot. Hold him, cuddle with him. A lot. Keep animals and stuffed animals out of his view, and make sure your other children don't tease him with animals.

In my experience, it's usually a phase that will pass. But you need to support him through the phase by making him feel very secure and being there for him, holding him, etc as much as he needs.
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amother
Blonde


 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 10:56 am
I actually did the opposite, and took out cute animals to play with - I thought it would desensitize him, and see us enjoying...but it just seems to have gotten more intense, so I will sideline the animals for now.

I also wonder if I should really be putting away all the animals - isn't that kind of giving into the fear? Animals toys and books with animals are everywhere.
If this were an older child I would try to push his comfort level a little, but it's a baby something tells me (too late) that isn't the right thing. During the lion movie, I specifically said oh, your scared, wanting to label his emotion for him. I didn't realize that he would be using the word all over the place and now "scared" is almost like a theme song.
I think I need to find some other emotions to label - we're working on excited.

Just really worried that I unwittingly traumatized him. I hope fear doesn't become his go to Sad
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 11:06 am
My DD has anxiety issues, and as any good mother would, I tried to shelter and protect her from anything scary. I was constantly reassuring her, and gave in all the time. She even started showing OCD tendencies about checking doors, windows, or anything with a lock on it.

It got so bad that we ended up going to group therapy, individual therapy, and parenting classes, all through Children's Hospital. The first thing I learned, is that I did it all wrong!

Slowly start reintroducing the scary things, and stay calm about it. Don't say "It's OK" or "I'm here, it won't hurt you." more than once. If you repeat it, it reinforces the fear.

Get the book "Parenting your Anxious Child" on Amazon. It's meant for older kids, but the principles are sound for all ages.

It took a few years of practice, but DD is almost completely anxiety free now (aside from normal age appropriate stuff.) I only wish I hadn't wasted so much time protecting her, instead of helping make her stronger. We all suffered because of it, and it doesn't need to be like that!
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observer




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 11:12 am
I think it depends if it's real anxiety or a temporary phase, as is common with that age. Clearly you saw that surrounding him with animals was counterproductive and made him more scared. If anything, wait a few days and then reintroduce very slowly and from a distance at first.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 11:20 am
observer wrote:
I think it depends if it's real anxiety or a temporary phase, as is common with that age. Clearly you saw that surrounding him with animals was counterproductive and made him more scared. If anything, wait a few days and then reintroduce very slowly and from a distance at first.


I agree. Look up CBT methods, and slowly desensitize him to one animal at a time. Go very slowly if you have to, but don't give up. It's better to scare him a tiny bit now, than to have him grow up to be a fearful child. BTDT.

DD slept in my bed until just last month, and she's 12 now! That's a long time to be co sleeping by Western standards, but she was just so scared of everything at night. I gave in way too often because it was easier, and I didn't want to be "mean to her."
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amother
cornflower


 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 11:37 am
I am just putting out there that if you live in Israel, this is a common symptom of the children who were abused-- extreme fear of all animals, especially lions. I have spoken to tens of affected parents who's children have this symptom. If you want more info, contact Yael. If you live elsewhere, it is very unlikely that this fear stems from abuse, and likely is "just" anxiety. In that case, disregard this and listen to the other posters.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 12:02 pm
amother wrote:
I am just putting out there that if you live in Israel, this is a common symptom of the children who were abused-- extreme fear of all animals, especially lions. I have spoken to tens of affected parents who's children have this symptom. If you want more info, contact Yael. If you live elsewhere, it is very unlikely that this fear stems from abuse, and likely is "just" anxiety. In that case, disregard this and listen to the other posters.


Um, what? I live in Israel, and I've never heard of this before. I know that most frum kids are afraid of live dogs and cats, but I've never heard of abuse being tied to a fear of fuzzy ducklings. What on earth do lions have to do with anything?

I'm so confused. What
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amother
cornflower


 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 12:42 pm
FranticFrummie wrote:
Um, what? I live in Israel, and I've never heard of this before. I know that most frum kids are afraid of live dogs and cats, but I've never heard of abuse being tied to a fear of fuzzy ducklings. What on earth do lions have to do with anything?

I'm so confused. What


You probably have. The abuse ring operating in Jerusalem. There was a 13+ page thread on it last year. Many people deny it exists, but those directly affected know it is real because our children have told us what has happened. For all we know, OP lives in Zimbabwe, so it could be this is totally off the mark. But, as a traumatized parent who knows that this is one of many symptoms affected children are having, I have to put it out there, even though the chances are slim. Theoretically, if this were happening, you would want to know the first second possible. I wish someone would have told me this. Then I would have known why my child ran/hid/screamed her head off when another kid would pretend to be an animal in her presence.
Also, my child had eating problems as well around that time.
Any time a child's behavior changes dramatically, it is time to investigate what could possibly be going on when they are not with you. It could be normal toddler behavioral development, or it could be very, very not normal.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 12:48 pm
amother wrote:
You probably have. The abuse ring operating in Jerusalem. There was a 13+ page thread on it last year. Many people deny it exists, but those directly affected know it is real because our children have told us what has happened. For all we know, OP lives in Zimbabwe, so it could be this is totally off the mark. But, as a traumatized parent who knows that this is one of many symptoms affected children are having, I have to put it out there, even though the chances are slim. Theoretically, if this were happening, you would want to know the first second possible. I wish someone would have told me this I would have known why my child ran/hid/screamed her head off when another kid would pretend to be an animal in her presence.


Oh my gosh, I am so very, very sorry. Crying That's truly awful, and I hope you and your kids are doing well. Hug

I'm sorry I jumped at you. Some posters have been really quick to assume abuse at any slightly off thing, no matter how remote, without getting the whole picture. I don't like to panic people without going through the most likely reasons first. All alligators are reptiles, but not all reptiles are alligators, if you know what I mean.
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amother
Blonde


 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 5:22 pm
Cornflower, I am so sorry to hear about this terrible abuse that your child suffered Sad.
We don't live in Israel, but regardless you made a good point to keep on top of sudden changes in personality.
I'm inclined to think that my baby hit the terrible twos a little early, rather than a sudden personality change (though I will keep your advice in mind generally, and for my other children as well).
He seems to be afraid of things on screen. We don't have TV, but when we use skype, he gets very upset. Then he saw the animals on screen, which kind of turned on the big fear of animals.
It's interesting though, today we were in a waiting room, and he saw the Duplo giraffe. He made his scared sound, so I moved it away, but then he approached it, and held it, all the while saying "scared", and making his worried face.
Perhaps he is dealing with it, by approaching it, even while uncomfortable...

Thanks all for your advice.
FF, I agree with you about not overprotecting the child, I'm just not sure of the correct measure for a baby. Babies are vulnerable and the mother's job is to protect them, but when does that transition? Physical transitioning to independence is a lot less confusing than the emotional transitioning.
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