Wait-listed for high school = advice please

amother

Maroon

Tue, Mar 22 2016, 8:34 am

My daughter is going through the high school application process, and unfortunately we've hit a snag. She applied to three schools and was initially wait listed at all three. We've since been told that two of them do not anticipate having enough room to give her a slot for next year. We are now waiting to hear back from the last school.

What should I do? Should I start trying to find someone with some "pull" with the school? Should I try to see if other schools still have space? I've already asked a higher up at her current school to speak to the potential high school, but I haven't heard back from that person yet, which I'm reading as a possible "bad" sign.

I've never dealt with this type of situation, and only know of one or two others who have. If it affects your answers, the schools we are dealing with are in the NYC/Long Island area.

Can anyone offer me any advice/chizuk?

(Posting anonymously to avoid embarrassing my daughter/our family - thanks)

PinkFridge

Tue, Mar 22 2016, 8:51 am

amother wrote:

I would keep speaking to someone from her current school. They should go to bat for their kids and be able to give you some guidance based on what's best for your daughter.

amother

Maroon

Fri, Apr 01 2016, 2:32 am

Original poster here again = school #3 and I had a long talk...they say they have "concerns" regarding how she"ll do at their school. I think the only reason I haven't gotten an out and out "no" is because I know a few people there and they're trying to be nice. Unfortunately, not yet a "no" is not the same thing as a "yes".

I've left a message for a higher up at her current school to see what they think of this newest development. (Yes, they've been helping and calling around on our behalf).

If I do have to start looking at other schools (this is seeming more and more likely), how do I do this? Any school I contact this late in the year is going to realize that I'm only doing this because she didn't get in anywhere else. So...not only will we seem desperate (I can actually deal with that ok), but they"ll probably want to know what's "wrong" with my daughter. Nothing's "wrong" with her! She's a sweetheart with wonderful middos who works hard at school - no, she's not an "A" student, but she's a good kid...I just wish the schools would give her a chance...

Sigh...anyone have any suggestions in approaching new schools, if it comes to that? Also, does anyone know of any (all girls) schools in NYC or the 5 Towns or nearby that might still have space and aren't too fussy about academic standing? She has had trouble in some subjects, but she works hard and wouldn't be a "problem" kid for any administration to worry about.

Also, as regards trying to use "pull" - if I ask our local Rav to call on our behalf, should I ask him to call the only school that hasn't said "no" yet, or should I have him reach out to all three of the ones we initially applied to, even though the first two essentially said "no" ?

Thanks

Rutabaga

Fri, Apr 01 2016, 2:46 am

I'm sorry that this is so difficult and stressful for you and your family.

Shulamith has a new high school. I don't know much about it, but it looks like they're trying to focus on the whole person rather than on just the academic side of the student. It might be worth checking out.

There's also Midreshet Shalhevet in North Woodmere, which is a small school that has the reputation of being very warm and well rounded.

I hope it all works out for you!

amother

Indigo

Sat, Apr 02 2016, 10:37 pm

Rutabaga wrote:

You might want to look into Shulamith before recommending it. There is a lot of drama going on with who the high school has accepted from their own elementary school.

amother

Maroon

Sun, Apr 03 2016, 1:11 am

amother wrote:

You might want to look into Shulamith before recommending it. There is a lot of drama going on with who the high school has accepted from their own elementary school.

OP here again - what exactly is going on? I don't need a ton of Lashon Hara, but they are on our "should we reach out to them list" (or more likely at this stage, have someone else reach out for us). I know last year they took some kids from the elementary and some from other schools, but I hadn't realized there was any kind of issue with this year.

Also, are we discussing the same one? I believe the new one is in Cedarhurst in the 5 Towns, as opposed to the original one in Brooklyn.

Do you have any information you feel comfortable sharing, even if just in a beating-around-the-bush kind of way?

Thanks

amother

Maroon

Tue, Apr 05 2016, 10:01 am

amother wrote:

If I do have to start looking at other schools (this is seeming more and more likely), how do I do this? Any school I contact this late in the year is going to realize that I'm only doing this because she didn't get in anywhere else. So...not only will we seem desperate (I can actually deal with that ok), but they"ll probably want to know what's "wrong" with my daughter. Nothing's "wrong" with her! She's a sweetheart with wonderful middos who works hard at school - no, she's not an "A" student, but she's a good kid...I just wish the schools would give her a chance...

Sigh...anyone have any suggestions in approaching new schools, if it comes to that?

Also, as regards trying to use "pull" - if I ask our local Rav to call on our behalf, should I ask him to call the only school that hasn't said "no" yet, or should I have him reach out to all three of the ones we initially applied to, even though the first two essentially said "no" ?

Thanks

Original poster again - anyone have any ideas re. the questions I've re-posted above? Thanks to those of you who have answered already - help and chizuk are definitely appreciated.

I mentioned to my daughter last night that we may need to start talking to schools other than the ones we originally applied to. She feels like the schools hate her! I've tried reassuring her that it's just that a lot of kids are trying to get into schools at the same time, that there are other kids out there dealing with the same thing, and that sometimes it takes a while, but that of course she will have a school for the Fall. I'm not sure how far I'm getting in terms of boosting her spirits, but I figure all we can do is keep trying and asking the Aibishter for help.

Have any of you dealt with this, or know of others who have? What would you suggest I say to prospective schools? Also, any other ideas about what I can say to my daughter?

Thanks

amother

Cerise

Tue, Apr 05 2016, 10:09 am

This issues with the Shulamith in the 5 towns, is that they rejected approximately 10 girls from their own 8th grade class.

The principal is trying to set up an elite High School and the girls that were rejected were from the lower track with IEP's.

It started a whole controversy because the shulamith girls (of which I am a former parent) were promised that when there would be a high school it would be a home for "our" girls, but now that doesn't seem to be the case.

amother

Maroon

Tue, Apr 05 2016, 11:06 am

amother wrote:

I second the shevach in kgh suggestion. Op did you apply to three all girls high schools in the five towns? Are you from the five towns? Seems weird that you haven't heard about the shulamith scandal it's all anyone is talking about, especially if you have an 8th grader. Did you apply to shalheveth?

I don't live in the Five Towns, though I did apply to schools there. I only heard about the Shulamith situation after someone replying on here mentioned it. I saw online that the Brooklyn Shulamith school was offering spots to the Shulamith Long Island girls. Did they eventually find spots somewhere, or is Shulamith Long Island opening another class to accommodate them? I hope the girls find spaces soon, as I see from what's happening with my daughter how hard this whole thing is on a child. From a purely selfish perspective, I can't help hoping that they decide to open another class - if they have room to add those 10 additional girls, maybe they could make room for 11?

As far as calling Shevach - which way do you think my chances would be better? Would it be better to call myself, or should I have her current school or our Rabbi put in a good word first? I know it looks bad that we are reaching out this late, so I'm trying to figure out what we could do to make the outlook a bit better.

Thanks

PinkFridge

Tue, Apr 05 2016, 11:30 am

OP, I understand how complicated and painful it is to be doing the application work this late. But maybe it'll be helpful to you and your daughter to remember that once she gets in somewhere - and may it be a good fit, and that you see tremendous hashgacha in her ending up there - she'll be starting the same day as everyone else, with the same potential to make a great experience for herself.

amother

Maroon

Tue, Apr 05 2016, 11:51 am

PinkFridge wrote:

Amen!

As for the "good fit" part - I hope so. Right now I just want to get her in somewhere - anywhere - that will at least sort of work for her. I was looking online at more modern schools, but I'm too nervous to go that route. Kids are influenced so heavily by their schools and their friends, especially in their teens, that I wouldn't want to put her in a place where I'd have to be worried about what she might pick up that wouldn't line up with our values. I'd gladly trade educational standards (up to a point, of course) for a better fit hashgafically.

1ofbillions

Mon, May 02 2016, 1:27 am

My sister wasn't accepted to a high school until a week before ninth grade started. A friend of hers was accepted literally the morning of orientation because the school realized that she wasn't going to be accepted anywhere else, so they reluctantly gave in.

It is a very, very painful thing for a young girl to go through. High school is a big topic among eighth graders, so they are reminded of their rejection several times a day when it comes up in conversation. It's terrible for their self esteem, and it's an early entry into the real world, where things are sometimes very unfair and painful.

I try to daven for girls that experience rejection from high schools in every Shemoneh Esrei. Witnessing the agony my sister went through really affected me. It's hard.

As for what you can say... My mother found that active listening helped a lot. Validate whatever fears she articulates (that she'll never be accepted to any school, that life will keep going for the girls around her and she'll be left behind, that she tried so hard and doesn't deserve this...), and tell her that... Well, really, the only thing you could tell her is to daven. You're taking care of the technical things in trying to get her accepted- tell her that you are doing the footwork, and it's not her job to worry about that at this stage in things. She should daven and have bitachon. Focus on how it's not the school principal that's in control; it's Hashem, and He loves her. The pain and humiliation that she is going through is without a doubt for her ultimate benefit. Maybe she'll find out why later on, and maybe she'll have to wait until after 120, but there is an actual reason for what she is going through.

I'm just rambling. Sorry. I wish you much hatzlachah in figuring things out for next year. Hang in there! There is a light at the end of this tunnel.

Hug

amother

Maroon

Mon, May 02 2016, 3:07 am

1ofbillions wrote:

Focus on how it's not the school principal that's in control; it's Hashem, and He loves her.

Thank you for that reminder. Sigh...I have to admit that I'm finding it harder and harder to not get mad at some of these schools and their higher ups. I mean, come on, you can't find space for one little girl, especially one with good middos? If she was a trouble maker, if she'd start fights or would bring drugs into the school or something equally horrible, I could understand, but you can't find a seat for one "good" kid??? Maybe you just don't want to...

Mad

But, yes, you're right, at the end of the day Hashem decides where she should go and all the principals, etc. are just doing what's supposed to happen. It's just frustrating...

Maybe I'm burning off aveiros pre-Yom Kippur???

Thank you, though, for the chizuk - it's appreciated