Dh is mr. cheap. anybody relate?

amother

Brown

Mon, May 02 2016, 6:14 pm

I love dh dearly and we are blessed with a wonderful marriage. Two incidents happened recently that is causing me to both laugh and cry at how cheap dh is.

Story 1. We are eating in a restaurant a few days before pesach and we all sit down dh tells me that we shouldn't order soda for the kids as we always do. He then tells me he brought soda cans in a bag and it's a ripoff to buy them in the restaurant.

Story 2. We are in the ice cream store yesterday and dh tells us that he brought chocolate syrup from the house. He explains that the store weighs the ice cream cup and the syrup is heavy and it's a ripoff.

Does anybody have any stories like these? I need a good laugh and the knowledge that he's not the only one.

amother

Royalblue

Mon, May 02 2016, 7:27 pm

amother wrote:

My husband can relate to you because I am the cheap one. I'll bring in my own water bottle to save money. He is mortified! There should be a support group for this.

Me too

I specifically wanted to be the cheap one. So I can imagine how mortifying that is. - I didn't want it.
Sorry op
Don't mean to takeover thread. (Im struggling with the opposite now - husband spends way beyond our means. )

Hugs to you - it is hard

amother

Jade

Tue, May 03 2016, 1:08 am

If we go to restaurants which we hardly ever do since they are too much
Money we never buy drinks my husband always says it's a rip off and we drink when we get home or buy a big bottle in a supermarket unless they give free water in a pitcher. We almost never buy anything anywhere for full price.

amother

Babypink

Tue, May 03 2016, 1:24 am

We used to have a problem taking the kids out for pizza. The kids would fight over soda since DH only purchased one can at a time. I had a conversation with DH and said that I would prefer if we go out for pizza less often and every kid gets their own drink. The point of going out is spending quality time with the family and the kvetching and fighting over drinks ruins it.

amother

Apricot

Tue, May 03 2016, 2:03 am

amother wrote:

Sorry your husband cannot be mr cheap if u r out for pizza and ice cream.

I took my kids out for ice cream after Pesach. And spent $3.50 for 2 scoops in a cup for all to share. And my husband when he found out. made a comment.

How many children were required to share that treat? I'm frugal but not stingy.

I'm also not familiar with the practice of restaurants charging for water, but if you can't afford water, you may just want to reconsider eating out. What happens when the kids begin to understand just how odd this behavior really is, or when it begins to embarrass them? How do you explain it to them?

the world's best mom

Tue, May 03 2016, 7:06 am

While these incidents are a bit odd, I think you should appreciate your dh for who he is instead of making fun of him. as you said, there is so much good to look at instead. He is not abusive or anything like that. We all have our quirks.

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, May 03 2016, 7:39 am

It is inappropriate to bring your own food/drinks to a restaurant, most especially a kosher establishment. I think you need to come to an agreement ahead of these outings. While obviously you need a budget- if you can't afford the $50 steak, then don't order it- he needs to realize that when you're eating out, you're not pinching pennies either (really, if he were that cheap, you wouldn't be eating out at all). Drinks are part of the meal. An appropriate tip to the waiter is part of the cost of restaurant dining. Again, it's one thing to decide you're not going to order expensive meat entrées, but another entirely to be cheap to the point of not having something to drink (though perhaps you can decide to stick with the free tap water, and treat everyone to your non-ripoff soda at home). Same with the ice cream. He could remind the kids that the toppings add to the weight and to keep that in mind when filling the cup. Better yet, he can remind himself that he's treating his kids and its silly to make a big deal over the 12 cents that gets added from the weight of the toppings. But to bring his own to the store is not right.

amother

Beige

Tue, May 03 2016, 1:09 pm

lol the other day we stopped for bagels for supper (before pesach)
everyone wanted a bagel with butter. A plain bagel is 6 shekel, with butter is about 19 shekel. so yes we ran into the little makolet next door and bought our own butter to slab on the kids bagels
lol I love that about us
but we still do work on being more giving in situations that matter
like going out for ice cream

thunderstorm

Tue, May 03 2016, 1:23 pm

OP, your post made me laugh, as strange as it is, I can understand your DH's point but I agree he went beyond the boundaries a bit...my DH picks and chooses when to be cheap and I am guilty of the same!!!

What drove me crazy was that on Pesach my DH literally kept the matzos next to him so that he could count and distribute it since he did not want to go over his 12 lbs he purchased. It got me so nervous watching him be a security guard over the matzos and there was so little to go around, nothing would have happened if we spent another $50 and had some relaxation and sanity !There was no matzah for shalosh seudos!!!! I was seriously annoyed but now laugh about it.
My parents were cheap too...I never went to the pizza store or ice cream shop as a child EVER, my mother called it "luksus", I dont even know what language that is, so you are ahead of the game...but know that I dont purchase drinks when I go to the pizza store. I take plastic cups and the kids can have water from the sink...but yesterday I wanted to splurge and we went out to eat all of us together to a fleishig place and allowed everyone to order whatever they wanted to eat or drink...this is a once a year thing we do to enjoy the family time together before my sons have to go back to grueling yeshiva schedules with night seder and car pools. I guess we all have our "cheap" moments

pause

Tue, May 03 2016, 1:56 pm

Bizzydizzymommy wrote:

It's yiddish for "luxury"

amother

Tangerine

Tue, May 03 2016, 2:27 pm

About bringing in outside drinks - what about kosher establishments that allow bringing your own wine, as long as sealed and certified it is okay. (Personally I wouldn't bring cans of soda)

When I take kids out to eat I will buy about 1 drink for every 2 kids and get cups and split it - this way they fell they get enough, we vote on drinks together and everyone can share from all drinks. I find the younger kids don't drink as much so there is enough for everyone. I tell them this in advance so its not a disappointment - we go out about 2 - 3 times a year so the going out itself is exciting.
My oldest is 9 and gets it. Before Pesach he saw they were charging 1.25 for a can of coke and commented that we can buy it for .25 at shoprite. (maybe I'm creating a cheapskate...)

When DH and I go out to eat often we will just get water in a glass.

I heard a story recently where someone went to a BMG rav and asked if he should spend a lot on very expensive matzahs and buy less OR buy a cheaper matza (not as many chumras) and buy more. The rav said to buy the cheaper matza because this way you will not be stressed about breaking, wasting, kids, etc. It will be a much more relaxing Pesach, and the matza is just as kosher.