Drives me crazy to this day!!! So mad!!!

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amother

Green

Tue, May 03 2016, 5:24 pm

When I was engaged a couple of years back, someone called my mom up and said that her daughter is getting married a day before me so can she use my flowers. My mom said yes
I found out and went crazy!! I wanted fresh flowers that were special for me on my wedding day!! The only wedding day of my life- my most special day!! Sad

So I made my mom tell them they can't have them. Which she said she did but I dont know for sure because I didn't hear the conversation.
Anyway, on my wedding day my bouquet wilted and got brown halfway through the day an it was from the most expensive florist who has a reputation for the freshest flowers.
So I think my mom must have lied to me and let another girl use my bouquet before me
It makes my blood boil. It makes me so upset that a) someone used my kalla bouquet and b) my mom lied like that and double crossed me
I'm really really really MAD!!!!!!!!!

IMHopinion

Tue, May 03 2016, 5:29 pm

If you were old enough to get married, you should be old enough to let this go.

exaustedmom

Tue, May 03 2016, 5:31 pm

What part of this is still affecting you years later?

amother

Cerulean

Tue, May 03 2016, 5:35 pm

Get some help. There are people here who have overcome issues far more serious than short lived wedding bouquets.

Tue, May 03 2016, 5:41 pm

Did your mother pay for the flowers? Wedding flowers are extremely expensive, and whoever paid for them might have appreciated the chance to split the cost.

Of course honesty is generally the way to go and I understand your concerns about a possible deception, but avoiding a Bridezilla scene may have been a higher priority.

anotherima

Tue, May 03 2016, 5:50 pm

Maybe the bouquet was indeed made fresh only for you but the flowers wilted? If it was a hot summer wedding that is possible.
I would try to put it out of my mind if I were you and chalk it up to a kapparah.

amother

Ruby

Tue, May 03 2016, 6:04 pm

When I was engaged my family went through a few breakdowns. My brother broke an engagement. My parents business went bankrupt. My mother was totally depressed. She didn't wanna face any one.
She was totally not in the mood to shop with me
I had to wear my sisters gown which was too small so a dressmaker added material on both sides. Very unprofessional. I hardly got new clothes for sheva broches. Only 2 new dresses for shabbes. I hated the way I looked.
So I totally feel ur pain OP. By u it was just the flowers.
Every kalle wants to feel special and unique on this most important day of her life

I was able to redo the entire wedding a few years later when I married my second and amazing husband. It was a total different experience. I didn't want my parents to spend too much but I loved everything. From my gown to the flowers. When ur happy it doesn't matter what u have around u.

A kalle gets a special chein on her wedding day!!

Count your blessings
And think about all the couples who don't even get real flowers cos they can't afford it

amother

Pewter

Tue, May 03 2016, 6:28 pm

I know I shouldn't be anon for this but have you considered that- Hashem decided that your bouquet would wilt. Maybe your Mom is not lying and it was fresh but wilted anyway?

youngishbear

Tue, May 03 2016, 6:34 pm

My freshly made first time use bouquet of white flowers was wilted by the time we took photos after the chuppah. It was a hot day in June and even in a/c, the photographer's lights must have been hot enough to ruin them.

So your mother may not have lied at all.

And you need to get over this for your own sake.

flippingout18!

Tue, May 03 2016, 6:39 pm

Seriously?

flowerpower

Tue, May 03 2016, 6:54 pm

Why don't you ask your mom? Don't go through life this way. Communication is the key.

amother

Pewter

Tue, May 03 2016, 6:54 pm

Second point (REALLY cowardly to be anon this time)- it's possible that you could have had day old flowers and they did not wilt (or not). Hashem could have done that for you. Maybe by refusing day old flowers you lost that opportunity

The thing to be sad about is not that the flowers wilted. It's that you missed an opportunity to do a cheesed graciously.

(but I'll let you in on a secret. I've also been upset about what happened with my wedding flowers, because my FIL interfered and made them a lot more showy than I wanted. But writing to you has made me get over it, I think, finally, after many years.)

amother

cornflower

Tue, May 03 2016, 7:11 pm

Anyone else that didn't have flowers because they were too expensive? A friend made me a bouquet but those were the only flowers at my wedding.

justforfun87

Tue, May 03 2016, 7:54 pm

This should be your biggest concern in life. Do you find yourself struggling getting over insignifigant things in life?

CPenzias

Tue, May 03 2016, 8:05 pm

Are you happily married? That's the most important thing. I had silk flowers because I wanted to donate to a special school so I rented them.

le cure

Tue, May 03 2016, 8:35 pm

its so frustrating that someone used your flowers before u, why would they even ask?! if their wedding was after yours then that would be one thing, but it was before urs, they asked so much from someone else its not fair, if they couldnt afford flowers they couldve gone to a gemach seriously.I cant stand when ppl ask for such inconsiderate things from other ppl. and ur mother probably is a very giving person and felt bad saying no, u said u had the most expensive flowers? that shows how giving ur mother is to u when she owes u literally NOTHING. u should be more appreciative of her, and not expect so much, how can u even say she dobblecrossed u?! thats a word u use is for someone who harmed u! she got u those flowers in the first place when she didnt need to. u have a super high expectation of her and ur not at all appreciative? yea its dissappointing ur mother doesnt even owe u a cheap dandelion and she bought u the most expensive flowers.

Cbk

Tue, May 03 2016, 10:08 pm

CPenzias wrote:

Are you happily married? That's the most important thing. I had silk flowers because I wanted to donate to a special school so I rented them.

Wow that's such a beautiful thing to do on such a special day.

rising hero

Wed, May 04 2016, 12:51 am

I had flowers from the night before. But the bouquet was new. That's how our florist does it.
Unless you have a trust issue with your mother in general, please get over it!

5mom

Wed, May 04 2016, 1:10 am

amother wrote:

The thing to be sad about is not that the flowers wilted. It's that you missed an opportunity to do a cheesed graciously.

Agreed!

If you are this upset about the flowers, I'm guessing that it's not really about the flowers.

Do you feel like your mother didn't/doesn't try to do the best for you? Do you think she's not honest? What's the real issue?

I imagine that getting to the bottom of this will help you move on.

amother

Green

Wed, May 04 2016, 5:06 am

My mother is a liar. She ie also a cold blooded manipulator. She didn't get the best flowers for me- she got them for her
To those that say that I probably usually struggle over insignificant things that's not true. I went through an extremely abusive childhood- most of which would raise the hairs on your head.
My mom agreed to or the other family have the flowers because she didn't care about my wedding day. She pushed me around in so many ways.
I had to get secondhand Sheitels and many more awful things but for some reason its my flowers that just get me mad because I was decieved instead of being pampered like all my friends were.
I definitely wasn't pampered but she grudged a kalla her bouquet.

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