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Moving to lakewood?Or other... Not yeshivish
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Wed, Apr 27 2016, 1:22 pm
This part of Monsey might be for you:
http://www.newupthehill.com
It's more of a community feel, open minded, nice frum people.
There are definitely schools in Monsey that you could get your kids into from how you are describing your family. Just don't try to push your kids into schools that are more to the right of where you are. They wouldn't be happy there anyways. Ateres for girls, Darchei Noam for boys are good options. Asher is a great school too if you are ok with co-ed in the younger grades.

Parts of Monsey are quite chassidish and I have heard from chassidim who move more to the left from how they grew up that Monsey is tough for them, "religious pressure wise" but for the rest of us "JPFs" if you live in the right neighborbood and send your kids to a school where you fit in Monsey is great.
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amother
Purple


 

Post Wed, Apr 27 2016, 6:07 pm
In terms of schools in Monsey. It's impossible to get kids into the schools you would want.... Btdt and know lots of others.
We even considered highland park Edison but getting into schools and cost of tuition was an issue there too
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amother
Lavender


 

Post Wed, Apr 27 2016, 9:55 pm
Really? If my husband was an alumnus of YSV we still would have a hard time?
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amother
Cerulean


 

Post Thu, Apr 28 2016, 7:52 am
amother wrote:
Op here. Thanks for all the candid responses and I kind of feel the same way. at this point in my life I have no interest in the fakeness a nd judgmentalism on externals.


If you feel a community standards are all about "fakeness and judgmentalism on externals" you definitely should NOT move there.

And of you do, you have zero rights to expect that they accept you personally, or your child into their schools.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 28 2016, 9:03 am
unsure why you would want to torture yourself and your children in a place where you know they/you will not be accepted
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Thu, Apr 28 2016, 9:15 am
amother wrote:
Really? If my husband was an alumnus of YSV we still would have a hard time?

Possibly not.
But from the way you describe yourselves, why would you send your kids to ysv? It has moved to the right in recent years. They are very much anti TV and movies, having a contest that runs most of the year in the boys building that only boys who don't watch TV or movies are eligible for prizes and trips. If you don't wear stockings in the summer your girls would be getting mixed messages (home vs. school) as the school presents leg covering as required.

My opinion, wherever you live, find a school whose values align most closely with those of your family.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 02 2016, 9:37 am
amother wrote:
Op here. Thanks for all the candid responses and I kind of feel the same way. at this point in my life I have no interest in the fakeness a nd judgmentalism on externals. I am not making my husband weAr a white shirt just bec the Joneses do. So maybe despite family and friends there it really is not a place for us. I am curious though where do the non yeshivish people in Chestnut and now Toms river send their kids? Dont the cooler schools take the more modern families? The last thing I need is my innocent child sitting home a few months. I find it sickening that this happens there and thats why Lakewood probably is not an option. Does anyone have firsthand info on Clifton? We are strongly considering it- but I am curious about the tuitions there and housing prices


They send to Tehillas Chaya Sara (if they can get in) or Ateres Tzipora or BY of Monmouth County, which is nuts because it's not in Lakewood and you would have to drive there if, say, your kid has a dentist appt, plus long bus rides, etc....And even these more left-wing schools have right-wing dress codes, like requiring stockings and giving movies a hard time.
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saw50st8




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 02 2016, 10:23 am
OP, the cheaper prices of Lakewood schools are often because they have different education standards (their teachers aren't certified, paid very low and often not on time etc). There is no magic to lower tuition. Most schools offer tuition assistance, but purse strings are getting tighter as less donations are rolling in.

Do you know what price point you can afford? My kids school (which I think is excellent) is $9k per student (all inclusive), but it's a modern orthodox school.

I'm surprised that an alumni of YSV would ever want to send their kids there.
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amother
Lavender


 

Post Tue, May 03 2016, 7:42 pm
Op.
we are not "modern" because I wear a long skirt with no socks, have a long sheitel and because we watch movies. We are very established and frum and probably would fit better into Monsey.
I wasnt aware that the schooling in Lakewood was subpar. And yes, the fact that Lakewood tuition is HALF or almost half of what lets say Clifton is, is a major factor. Because us working people usually do not get any breaks and the thought of working hard and paying a fortune in living expenses for the next 20 years is very stressful for us.
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amother
cornflower


 

Post Tue, May 03 2016, 7:53 pm
saw50st8 wrote:


I'm surprised that an alumni of YSV would ever want to send their kids there.


The parent body is chock-full of alumni. More girls than boys, but both schools overall.
You obviously had a pretty bad experience. I'm sorry for that.
I think it's safe to say that there has been a significant turnover in staff since you were there as a student. And I think it's a little silly that you take any opportunity to bad mouth the school (not to mention the surrounding neighborhoods) when they're pretty different, for good and for ill, than they were back in the small-town Monsey days.

Anon bc I'm identifying my location.
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amother
Pink


 

Post Tue, May 03 2016, 9:12 pm
Dear OP, by Lakewood standards that is modern.

I don't know of any real MO people here, pretty much anyone "modern" is either rebellious into adulthood or what you are describing yourself as.

It is extremely difficult to get into schools here, even if the elementary schools are more forgiving the high schools are not. If you move here, you can keep the long sheitel but the no socks thing is a no go. Movie theaters, unless you keep it a secret also make high school acceptance a nightmare. and that's if you go, if your daughter goes, FORGET ABOUT IT. (unless she's a good secret keeper)

but honestly, if you can give up those things, its a really nice place to live. The people are nice, and life is relatively affordable. As a community, (not necessarily each person) its pretty frum, and its a wonderful thing.
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DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 03 2016, 9:58 pm
From everything I've read here -- on this thread and others -- my response would be:

Just say "no."


Why move to a place with so many headaches?
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Tue, May 03 2016, 10:05 pm
Someone mentioned Baltimore . Anyone know anything about the community there? Housing? Tuition?...
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justforfun87




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 03 2016, 10:49 pm
amother wrote:
Someone mentioned Baltimore . Anyone know anything about the community there? Housing? Tuition?...


Baltimore is a great location. The tuition is I believe 10-12grand but there is financial aid available. The houses and taxes are way way less than NY. There is all different types in Baltimore and people usually feel comfortable shul hopping. I would certainly recommend you come for a visit/shabbos. Start by renting so you see what neighborhood you are comfortable in.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 04 2016, 5:07 am
amother wrote:
Op.
we are not "modern" because I wear a long skirt with no socks, have a long sheitel and because we watch movies. We are very established and frum and probably would fit better into Monsey.
I wasnt aware that the schooling in Lakewood was subpar. And yes, the fact that Lakewood tuition is HALF or almost half of what lets say Clifton is, is a major factor. Because us working people usually do not get any breaks and the thought of working hard and paying a fortune in living expenses for the next 20 years is very stressful for us.


Re subpar schooling: most kid will still land on their feet if they're bright and have the basics down. That wouldn't be the deal-breaker for me if hashkafa-wise we were on similar ground.
I'm just concerned that living in Lakewood (or even the satellite communities, because you'd still be dealing with Lakewood schools) will put you in a situation where you'll have to deal with stuff you wouldn't have to OOT, or even in Monsey.

I do feel your pain about tuition but it could be a case of yotza secharo b'hefseido, IYKWIM.
Again, not bashing Lakewood but it doesn't sound like the best option for you and your kids.
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saw50st8




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 04 2016, 5:40 am
amother wrote:
The parent body is chock-full of alumni. More girls than boys, but both schools overall.
You obviously had a pretty bad experience. I'm sorry for that.
I think it's safe to say that there has been a significant turnover in staff since you were there as a student. And I think it's a little silly that you take any opportunity to bad mouth the school (not to mention the surrounding neighborhoods) when they're pretty different, for good and for ill, than they were back in the small-town Monsey days.

Anon bc I'm identifying my location.


I'll bite. I know that a lot of YSV alumni send their kids there and I am always surprised. Especially the boys who were beaten. The education standards aren't great (although, for Monsey it might be considered good) and the staff is full of teachers and administrators who employ terrible tactics for getting kids to behave. The culture there is not conducive to a proper learning environment.

You assume I don't know anything about the current YSV. You would be wrong.
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amother
Lavender


 

Post Wed, May 04 2016, 6:01 am
Beaten? I dont know what you are talking about!!are you confusing ysv with bais mikeoh? My husband is almost 30 and said no one ever hit unless u count a rebbe who used to tap kids with his pencil when they werent looking into gemara (dont think hes there). I beleive they fired many of the heimish teachers anyways who were a bit rough. AFAIK, Ysv is the pretty mainstream yeshiva where the parent body is mainly all balabatish and learning and the education is very good. My husband has an excellent English education.
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amother
Lavender


 

Post Fri, May 06 2016, 2:50 pm
??
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Sat, May 07 2016, 7:18 pm
saw50st8 wrote:
I'll bite. I know that a lot of YSV alumni send their kids there and I am always surprised. Especially the boys who were beaten. The education standards aren't great (although, for Monsey it might be considered good) and the staff is full of teachers and administrators who employ terrible tactics for getting kids to behave. The culture there is not conducive to a proper learning environment.

You assume I don't know anything about the current YSV. You would be wrong.


You're definitely confusing YSV with Bais Mikroh. I asked my brothers who went through the boys building (in their 20s and 30s) and they have no idea what you're referring to. I too am an alumnus and send my kids there and they are very happy. The education standards are high. For Monsey, definitely, and way higher than Lakewood. What are you comparing it to education wise? $25,000 a year NYC prep schools???

And what terrible tactics are you talking about. Yes, they have contests for not watching TV, movies etc... They encourage the girls to wear skirts a few inches below their knees and always wear socks or tights so their legs aren't showing. If these are not your family's standards then don't send your kids there.

I have fellow alumni who live in Monsey who don't send their kids to YSV because they have moved to the "right" since they got married . They have commented to me on how I can send my kids to such a "modern" school. You just can't win. Too much to the right for some and too much to the left for others. Great. There are plenty of other options these days. But you don't need to badmouth the school. Really.
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