Is my nephew a sociopath?

amother

Jetblack

Wed, May 04 2016, 4:58 am

There are a lot of issues at play here but the most concerning issue is I think he is showing signs at the age of 5 of being a sociopath. My nephew literally enjoys watching people in pain. He kept whispering in my son's ear (4) on shabbos to hit his baby sister. It was very distressing for my son but after hearing it 8 times he hit his sister. My nephew in a diabolic laugh was cracking up. Whenever someone is hurt he loves it, his eyes light up to watch other kids "get in trouble." Enjoys the reaction of seeing a kid getting hit in the face with a ball. Anyway he can be oppositional he jumps at. These symptoms go along with his serious sensory eating issues, anxiety, and signs of low self esteem. He rarely shows joy in life (unless of course someone is being hurt) and is always crying about how he can't do anything. The kid is 5 yrs old and I hate to say it but I can't stand him. His parents are both socially "off" so I can see where maybe it is genetic. His father has extreme black and white views and incredibly socially akward. Unfortunately I do not think he will ever get whatever services he requires. Not even sure why I am bothering posting but is it possible for such a young child to begin exhibiting sociopathic behaviors?

FranticFrummie

Wed, May 04 2016, 7:13 am

The issue of sociopathy fascinates me. (don't know why)

It's estimated that 1 out of 100 people have this trait, although the vast majority learn how to use it constructively. Stock brokers, lawyers, CEOs of large companies, all test very high on the sociopath store tests. Brain surgeons, too. Any place where you need to not get emotional, and where empathy will hold you back in business, is where you'll find them. Only the tiniest fraction end up as serial killers, but the majority of serial killers are sociopaths.

There is therapy that won't change sociopathy, but it can teach the person how to channel their tendencies into constructive outlets. Without therapy, the outlook is uncertain. Lots of sociopaths who never got any kind of therapy have been able to find their way to a successful life, but it's no guarantee.

Interpersonal relationships are a whole different thing, and the outlook is never good. Marriage and parenting are generally not successful at all.

Brain scans of sociopaths who are shown pictures of people in distress show a HUGE difference than normal people going through the same test. The sociopath is truly wired differently than the rest of us.

WhatFor

Wed, May 04 2016, 7:23 am

I don't think you can label a five-year-old a sociopath. Most children are somewhat sociopathic when they're really young. They don't have a conscience about things and have to be taught about empathy and morals.
I don't think that a brother wanting to hit his baby sister is a sign of a sociopath either- I think being jealous of the baby is very normal, actually.
It's sad that you think he won't get the help he needs for his anxiety, low self esteem, etc. It must be especially hard to be raised by parents that are socially off. Is there any way you're in a place where you can step in and make suggestions?

GAP

Wed, May 04 2016, 4:20 pm

I don't think you can diagnose a five year old as a sociopath. Children are usually diagnosed with a "conduct disorder" which can lead to a diagnosis of an anti social personality disorder as an adult. People who are diagnosed this way usually actually hurt animals and children without remorse. Sounds like this child isn't the one doing the hurting, he's just enjoys watching it happen. Many young children enjoy watching someone fall and will laugh when someone falls down. It sounds like he and his parents do have some issues though (maybe Asperger's, autism).

greenfire

Wed, May 04 2016, 5:12 pm

lots of people are born not so sweet - but are rather taught the difference between right & wrong

then again there are many sociopaths that stem from neglect ... then again there are those that are underlying sociopaths but might just passively hide their nature

I like the lesson from franticfrummie ~

and OP please teach your son not to listen to such horrific behaviors as hitting a little baby regardless of how kool his cousin/your nephew thinks he is

perhaps being a sociopath is also taught behavior ~ BOO !!!

amother

Jetblack

Wed, May 04 2016, 10:25 pm

Thanks for the responses, keep em coming! So what confuses me is the fact that his complete lack of empathy also goes along with autistic traits. Like I wrote he becomes obsessed with one thing, really has no interest in socializing or playing with other children (UNLESS they are acting wild), food issues, anxiety and depression. I googled conduct disorder and it seemed like these issues are less a chemical imbalance and more seen with children who had early neglect. This is one area in which he is not lacking. Despite his parents being a bit "off" he is shown a lot of affection from his mother and grandparents. His father does play with him but has serious social struggles. I showed my sister this thread as she agrees his behavior is "psychotic." My sister has a very overly giving, codependent, too sweet in a socially off way personality but she is very affectionate with her kids. She did expand on the fact that in shul this week he saw a father shushing a baby to sleep and he purposely tried to scare the baby and wake him up. She said his behavior escalates like this every few months. I jokingly asked her if he purposely steps on bugs and she said he does. Disaster!!

amother

Jetblack

Wed, May 04 2016, 10:42 pm

amother wrote:

I don't know. If hitting their sibling even a baby makes a kid a sociopath than most kids would be sociopaths!

I am confused, did you read the thread? The nephew was telling another kid to hit the baby in order to get pleasure out of seeing the baby cry. Of course toddlers hit each other but 5 year olds don't usually make other kids hit kids unprovoked. That is just a small example of him enjoying seeing people get hurt.

amother

Chocolate

Wed, May 04 2016, 11:04 pm

Sounds like a child in pain to me. His behavior warrants an assessment to find out if he was abused. If you are positive it cannot be his parents, he probably still has teachers, babysitters, or other relatives that may come into contact with him regularly. I would suggest both a psychologist and play therapist.
Do you live in Israel?

imasinger

Thu, May 05 2016, 12:10 am

This kid's behavior sounds to me like a reasonable response to the particular parenting he gets, and his own inability to put himself in another's shoes.

Here is my imagining of what might be going on, based on my (limited) understanding of psychology and family dynamics. It's all guesswork; you decide if any of it makes sense.

Papa is distant and critical. Mama is a little too close, and tends to be over eager to please.

With that recipe, the odds are that Papa and Mama don't have the closest of marriages. So, Mama probably looks to her relationship with DS Mr. Terrorizer to get her emotional needs met.

A kid is not going to be comfortable being engulfed by Mama, and is going to want to both keep her engaged in giving him attention, and horrify her with bad behavior to push her away. He may do both alternately, or at the same time.

A kid is going to see that the only way Papa gives him the time of day is by yelling when he acts out.

A kid whose parents don't know how to teach him his real self worth will not believe that he is worthy of having friends. He will have very little reason to conform to societal norms. Add in the sensory issues, and you have a pretty miserable little boy, looking in inappropriate ways to get what little attention he can.

So, he is likely to become an expert button pusher, and all around bully.

Sociopath? Hard to say at this stage. Depends on what the next few years offer.

I agree with FF; protect your own kids. And see if you can get your sister to agree to therapy and/or parenting classes. Since her DH is resistant, that is most likely the first step to getting help for the whole family. And the kid should be evaluated by a developmental pediatrician, and hopefully, given help (social skills classes, therapy) to learn about how others think and feel.

WhatFor

Thu, May 05 2016, 8:09 am

It's totally normal for children to want to step on bugs! Adults kill bugs and roaches too- are they all sociopaths? I and my friends used to try to kill bugs when we were kids, and now I generally don't kill bugs at all. One thing has nothing to do with the other.
I'm not trying to minimize what you're saying, but based on the examples you are giving, this really doesn't point to outrageous socio-pathic behavior.
Children are selfish. They are not morally developed. They need to be taught. This is normal.
You wrote in the first post that you can't stand him. I understand that some children are difficult to handle, but you don't need to label him to justify why you don't enjoy being around him. Maybe you just have a lower tolerance threshold. He's not your kid. If you really feel negatively toward him, it's probably best that you minimize your time in his presence, since your feelings toward him can make him even more uncomfortable and misbehave more.
And if he needs early intervention, I hope he gets it.

amother

Jade

Thu, May 05 2016, 8:22 am

amother wrote:

I was recently at an upsherin and my 2 boys (3 and 2) were playing in the playroom in the house along with other kids, both younger and older. Two 9 year old boys convinced my 3 year old to bite a girl who was just sitting there. She cried, came and told me that my son bit her, but other kids in the room told me that the older boys had been egging him on for a few minutes before he ended up biting those girls. The 9 years Olds are not sociopaths! They were just being completely inappropriate, but I guess they thought it was funny. I was fuming tho.

amother

Smokey

Thu, May 05 2016, 8:49 am

I think it makes a difference if your nephew is the one hurting others or enjoying watching others get hurt.
If he hurts animals or people it would be more concerning.
All kids enjoy to some extent watching someone get hurt. There is a movie industry for kids built on the concept that watching the bad guy trip and fall should make you laugh.
In tom and jerry cartoons the cat gets hurt constantly and that is when kids laugh the most.