My kids interrogated the host

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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amother

Navy

Thu, May 05 2016, 1:39 pm

My two teenage boys ate a yom tov meal with friends of mine. I found out later that they asked the host about the shechita of the meat and then refused to eat it. I feel mortified! I explained to my kids that they can choose to eat or not eat something if they don't feel comfortable but not to ask questions on the hosts kashrus.

Now my question is, do I apologize to my friend or let it drop? We are very close. And btw she is frummer than me if that makes a difference.

Iymnok

Thu, May 05 2016, 1:49 pm

I think you should apologize and laugh about it together.
It is very common for boys in yeshiva to be very makpid on things that you aren't. Be it shchita, chalov yisroel, yoshan... They will either outgrow it or learn to be tactful and respectful.
My mother was warned that when I would get back from seminary, I'd check EVERYTHING for bugs.
If she has kids the same ages, she may have encountered it too.

tichellady

Thu, May 05 2016, 1:54 pm

Definitely bring it up to them and have them apologize

thunderstorm

Thu, May 05 2016, 1:58 pm

I think its an opportunity to speak to your sons and let them know that frumkeit should not come at the expense of someone else's embarrassment and shame. I'm sure they meant well and were really serious. Your boys should know that if it's a place you allow them to eat at then they are allowed to eat! You yourself said your friend is frummer than you so I dont get as to why they felt the need to outfrum your friend. Kids are kids and teens are teens , I get that . But it's a good time to sit down and explain to your kids that what they did was wrong and how they can prevent that from happening in the future.

watergirl

Thu, May 05 2016, 2:54 pm

I think you should say something to the host and to your boys.

My sister hosted a daughter of a family friend who was in Seminary for the year (sister lives in Israel). The girl also asked her questions about every product and even looked at packages in her pantry. My sister was so offended, she never asked her back. She knew it was silly to be offended at an over zealous sem girl, but seeing as neither her nor I went to seminary, we cant truly understand the mindset that they have. I wish she had told the mom to tell the girl to knock it off. Its a social still that the parents have to teach the kids. How can she teach them not to do it, if she doesn't know that it even happened?

Call your friend and apologize, and tell her that you've given them a mussar shmuz. She will appreciate it.

amother

Amethyst

Thu, May 05 2016, 3:08 pm

This reminds me of my year in Israel when I spent Shabbat with the family of rabbi zev leff. There were a few other students there who kept on interrogating the rebbetzin about kashrut. She served a dairy seudah shlishit and they were like, are you sure 6 hours has passed. One of the girls asked her if the silverware was actually the meat set when it was supposed to be the dairy one. Obviously she was using the right silverware. It was horrible. I was deeply disturbed and embarrassed even though I didn't know the girls or go their seminary.

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