Shut up about your obsession!

amother

White

Sun, May 01 2016, 3:23 pm

amother wrote:

The only way I have been able to successfully diversify my DS interests was to seriously limit his access to the stuff he loved. For him it was Minecraft and Stampycat. Talked all day everyday about them and brought it into every conversation. Every. Single. One. Finally I had to say 40 minutes of Minecraft and stampy. You may divide uonthat 40 minutes however you like but you may have that time to discuss /play/ immerse yourself in that and them that is it. So we set a timer. It was very very very hard the first few days, maybe a week. I would interrupt when he started talking about it and ask his time remaining, I would watch his computer time. I wouokd actively help him find other interests, encourage him to do other things. Finally out of sheer boredom he began to branch out. Began reading books that had nothing to do with either one. Now he is a really good self monitor.

I feel for you, I really do but that was the only thing that worked for us.

How old was your child when you did this. My son is 6, and I wonder if he's ready for something like this.

Chana Miriam S

Mon, May 02 2016, 6:51 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

Oh. My. Gosh. I am losing my mind. At wits end

If you have a spectrum kid, you know what I'm talking about. My kiddo is HIGHLY verbal, and has only one topic to talk about. When it's Shabbos or Yom Tov, and she can't be on the computer, she follows me around the house, telling me all about her latest preseveration/fandom. Every single word of every single anime show she's ever watched, often repeating the same story lines over and over again.

I have no interest in it. I am sick to death of it. I have told her "I'd love to talk to you, but not about your fandom". She can't stay off of the topic for more than 3 minutes, and then she's right back to it. Not only does it drive me crazy, but it socially isolates her, because other kids her age have very varied interests, and she shows no curiosity about things outside of her obsession, and her classmates do not share her obsession.

Has anyone had any luck getting their kids to diversify their interests? She's been this way ever since I can remember. Her obsessions change every couple of years, but the intensity only seems to be getting worse as time goes by. I don't want to push her away, but there's only so much non stop chatter I can take. Banging head

Please don't tell me "Just be grateful that she's verbal." It's the opposite side of the same coin.

Most self stimulators behaviour is caused by anxiety so depending on her age, the best way to handle it could be addressing what makes her, not a fan, but so needful of the calm or repetition that is actually what she seeks. Depending on how insightful and how high functioning she is, you may be able to start having conversations about how she is feeling and if anything is bothering her at the moment, and if yes then you can teach her to start recognizing when she feels that way and to articulate what she needs at those times.

Beyond that, discrete trials might be a good approach. ABA/IBI THERAPY TENDS TO FOCUS ON GETTING RELIABLE BEHAVIOUR FROM ONE ( sorry about caps, didn't notice, too lazy to retype) starting point goal to a point where that behaviour happens every time it is required. Once mastered, move on to a new goal. So for example, when the behaviour starts, you sit down with her and say 'now we will talk about something else' or however you want to structure it so that you both get to have a conversation, or talk about your interests. I'm sure you could look up more about how to do it by googling.

My independent, successfully able to interact with the outside world, son still does this. Currently, he writes bad jokes obsessively, although he also obsessed about what we are dressing up for Purim with out him as (we dressed up as him) and then about the filks that he wrote for Seder and the ones we did. Personally, I plan on having him sign up for a comedy class when he gets home, so he can learn to write stand up. Hopefully then, his jokes will go from bad to better.

Stimming is not inherently bad. If done at appropriate times, and not an interfering behaviour. My sons stims always changed and were always verbal, so when he was obsessed by multiplication, spelling and the calendar, and by heavy metal music and by rock bands and especially their guitarists and what guitars they played and then later by drawing and then by engineering and then by judaics and then by....

These can be positive. Fandom can start a writing career, web site design, costume design... Needless to say, we try to be positive where possible so guitar class in high school ended the obsession with guitars but his rock music knowledge makes him a great conversationalist with people who have similar interests. Judaics? He is LOVING Yeshiva. Multiplication? Self explanatory, same with spelling.

BUT we always put boundaries on him. No math or spelling at the dinner table or while others are sleeping or doing homework. You get the picture. MAKE her respect those boundaries. That's the repetition part. And when all else failed, like his obsession with Snow White at age seven, I hid the book and told him four down that we were no longer discussing Snow White. he moved on. When all else fails, bribery and threats can work- 'if you stay on/off computer/stim topic/ behaviour for X time, we will reward/punish you by X/y/z.

I realize that it's not easy, and you have a kazillion things to do, but if she has receptive language, it can be done, and is in fact a great service to the child. If you can deal with the source of the stim then you can eventually just have a conversation about her interest. I will point out that graphic novels are very valid as reading material so anime can be a vehicle for learning reading and reading comprehension plus social skills of you can find others with similar interests for her to hang with and discuss her interests.

Good luck! I know it's hard, but it is worth it! Where do you live in israel?

FranticFrummie

Tue, May 03 2016, 5:21 am

Andrea Levy, thanks for your reply. You really do get it!

B'H, DD just quit watching a really gory and tragic series, and instead has found a really cute, funny show. It's about high school kids, and all the awkward situations they get into. I am encouraging her to watch more shows like this, and will talk to her about these as much as she likes. I think that once she realizes that she can't get my attention with the scary shows, she'll lose interest.

I'm also really encouraging her creative writing. It's always been a strong suit for her. Since she's been writing more, her spelling and grammar have improved dramatically (mostly because her friends are not shy to point out mistakes, and she gets embarrassed enough to actually want to do better.)

We already have the rules "no fandom at the dinner table", and "no talking about scary stuff on Shabbos and yom tov." She likes to hear stories about when I was younger, so I let her ask me all kinds of questions and talk about my life "when I was her age", and that gets her off the subject for a good amount of time - but it can still be exhausting!

I know that a lot of her stimming comes from her being really overwhelmed in school, and this is her way of decompressing after a hard day. Learning all day in a language you barely understand, in a very noisy classroom, with a teacher you don't like - heck, I'd withdraw too!

I'm in Nahariya, wanna come visit? Very Happy

M0mmy

Wed, May 04 2016, 9:43 pm

Hi, I can't say I have any dramatic success stories, but just wanted to share perspective as an OT. I totally agree with the poster who mentioned that "stimming" (and more specifically, scripting, in this case) is often a result of anxiety, so possibly dealing with underlying anxiety could help.

Regarding using any sensory strategies, the only evidence-based practice for improving attention/engagement (especially with children on the spectrum) is massage/deep pressure. Unfortunately, despite anecdotal support, there is no reliable evidence that other methods like compression and/or weighted vests help, etc. Personally, I just started working with a student who seems to respond very well to a "steam roller" (or squeeze machine, like Temple Grandin designed). Without mentioning to classroom staff what we did, they noticed a dramatic increase in his attention and decrease in his scripting after he returned to class, and I liked that they weren't looking for any changes, because I hadn't indicated that they should! Again, this is only 1 student, and it's certainly no cure, but could be something worth keeping in the back of your head.

First, though, I would recommend, if your daughter is comfortable with others touching her (which, I'm personally not...), to see if she'd be interested in trying out a thorough massage. I don't have any suggestions about the type, but hopefully a standard one would be easy enough to arrange. Then you can observe for yourself whether there are any changes in your daughter's behavior, and since she is verbal, you can ask her if she liked it, etc. If she does and you like the results, see if you can learn some techniques that you can do at home so you don't have to go to a professional too often. Perhaps there are even ways she can get that input herself, as well...

Hatzlacha to you, and please share if you do find that anything helps!

FranticFrummie

Thu, May 05 2016, 5:08 am

M0mmy wrote:

DD adores her weighted blanket, and would steal mine if I let her. On the other hand, she really, really hates to be touched these days. She wasn't always like that, and I chalk some of it up to becoming a teen, and some of it to sensory issues.

If I ask for a hug, she'll stand with her arms stiff at her sides and say "Fine, get it out of your system!" so I don't bother her with affection unless she initiates it. She knows she is loved in many other ways.

She has long, silky blonde hair that the kids in her class love to play with, and DD is always getting in trouble because she tells them to stop, and if they keep doing it, she will smack their hands, HARD. Then the teacher yells at her for hitting, and saying "the girls were just trying to be friendly." They seriously do not understand personal space in this country! Mad

M0mmy

Thu, May 05 2016, 7:19 pm

Quote:

So it sounds like massage is likely out of the picture, but maybe it would be worth asking her if she's willing to try it one time (since she does occasionally allow touch on her terms)? Other than that, will she let you roll a large exercise ball over her (with deep pressure), or sandwich between couch cushions (and you press down)? I know she's getting kind of "old" for these activities, which is why I'd go the massage route first, but if she's completely opposed, would she go for the other ones?

FranticFrummie

Fri, May 06 2016, 6:41 am

M0mmy wrote:

Quote:

She really loved all of this stuff when she was younger, and we did it all the time. It helped a lot. She's in a very different phase now, and suddenly she has a deep aversion to things like that. She also used to love to be tickled very hard, and even pinched lightly, until she was out of breath. She found it a good release, and was very calm for hours afterward. Now, the slightest touch makes her jump away.

She's always been an anxious child. It's a classic part of Fragile X Syndrome. I've been thinking about anxiety meds for a long time now, but I've been holding off. She's been through therapy, both individually and in group, and I've been through parenting classes geared specifically for parents of anxious children. There's only so much behavioral intervention we can do, and I have a feeling that by high school she will definitely need meds, but it's still wait and see.

She doesn't seem too distressed by her anxiety right now, and when she's online with her friends I can hear her laughing and singing, playing games, and having a good time. She comes to me whenever she's upset, so I know she's not hiding her feelings (she wouldn't know how.)