Toddler throws things and climbs on table

allthingsblue

Sat, May 14 2016, 9:45 pm

My almost 2 year old toddler loves to throw things at me, at the table, at the furniture... I've gotten many a lump on my head from this. He just doesn't listen when we tell him not to. It's not practical or even doable for me to hide all his toys.
He also climbs onto the table, which is dangerous. Again, he doesn't listen when we tell him not to.
I am reading a book (easy to love, difficult to discipline), and trying to incorporate the techniques, but I don't quite know how to react to these dangerous activities of his.
This week, we began putting him in time out in his crib after he throws something (of course we warn him beforehand). However, shortly after, he's at it again. I do not want this to be a long term solution, I would rather a tear-free discipline.

I'm really growing frustrated.

Can anyone help me out here?

Nechamie

Sat, May 14 2016, 10:00 pm

You should definitely not put him in his crib. You don't want him to associate bedtime with "time out"..The best thing to do is give him no eye contact do not talk to him just calmly remove him. EVERY SINGLE TIME. HE will stop. Good luck.

allthingsblue

Sat, May 14 2016, 10:01 pm

Nechamie wrote:

That goes for the table.
What about throwing things?

flowerpower

Sat, May 14 2016, 11:30 pm

Time out is a dumb idea. It won't work. Kid is too young and won't get it in any case. When my toddler goes on the table I tell him to get off. A second later I take him off. This way he knows I mean it. He will grow out of it. Regarding throwing, he will grow out of it too. If you see he is holding a heavy thing just take it away nicely.

chani8

Sun, May 15 2016, 1:54 am

It's very difficult to teach toddlers to not throw and not climb. Just yesterday I went through the toys and took away all the hard ones for awhile.

As for climbing, I have a child gate up in a way that no tall table can be climbed on. I allow climbing on the coffee table, but now it's pushed against a wall, between the couches and has a pillow on the floor nearby. I allow climbing on the couches, too. Toddlers 'need' to climb. Find a way to provide this activity.

Prevention is the answer to eliminating negativity. Toddler proof an area that your toddler can play in, and gate him in so he is safe to play and explore that area, for those times when you cannot be right there.

What to do when a toddler misbehaves? Ignore the bad, and instead, realize that it's time to go sit and play with him. Direct him to do something positive with you. If you give negative attention for misbehavior, you increase the behavior, because toddlers like the cause-effect even of punishments. It's fascinating to them to see all the reactions. Minimize your emotional reactions.

If he is throwing stuff, put him on your lap, or play 'throw them in the toy box'. For climbing, show him where he can climb...in his toddler safe area.

allthingsblue

Sun, May 15 2016, 8:57 am

Ok chani8. I really like your post. It definitely jives with what I've been reading and trying to employ from my book.
I have a toddler proof area- his room- but he cries if I'm not there with him. I can't be there all day.
It happens to be, chani8, that I did post a while back, wanting to know how to deal with a clingy toddler. You suggested that I drop everything and focus on playing witht him. And you know what? It worked. If I see he needs my full attention, I stop what I'm doing and focus on him, and nowadays he's a lot more content and is a lot more willing to play on his own when I'm in the same room. So thanks!!
Ok I guess I have to up my patience...
Thing is, he throws everything, even his sippy cup. I can't exactly never give him a sippy cup...
Let me repeat what I think you've told me, chani8, and can you post whether you think I understood you correctly?
Here goes:
When he climbs up on the table, I should tell him, "we can't climb on the table," take him down, and sit with him and play with xxx and say "but we can have fun playing with xxx."
If he throws something, I take it away and say, "we can't throw xxx but we can throw your ball inside your room."

How can I teach him to differentiate between hard toys and soft toys (stuffed animals, balls), which I don't mind him throwing?

ectomorph

Sun, May 15 2016, 9:25 am

I don't have any answers but it sounds a lot like my toddler, only he can't climb onto the table yet, but he climbs everywhere else he can get a foothold. He likes to throw things too, especially his food, and it's not like I'm going to starve him into submission.

Can you take him to the park a few hours a day? I do find that he is easier to deal with at home when he has an outlet for his energy (I make sure he also walks to the park and back... by the time he gets home he's ready for a nap.)

ectomorph

Sun, May 15 2016, 9:28 am

Chani8, I like what you said. I installed a baby gate to keep my toddler in a safe area, but then he figured out how to make it unsafe by trying to pull down the bookcases, which we can't attach to the wall in our apt because the walls are made of plaster and any screwsjust make it fall apart so you can see the pipes. So I just have to make sure he's always supervised, which is annoying but that's life.

FranticFrummie

Sun, May 15 2016, 9:46 am

Chani8 is 100% right (as she often is!)

With DD, I constantly redirected her attention and energy, and instead of scolding or punishing, I just said "Let's go do this" or "Isn't this fun?"

She did not say "No" to me until she was 3 years old. When she did I was shocked! I was so used to her being happy and sweet, but it was time for her to hit the next stage and develop her sense of independence. Redirecting still worked, and tantrums were kept to a minimum.

This type of parenting seems like it takes a lot of work, and it does, but the alternative is for both of you to be miserable all the time, and constantly at odds with each other. I know that this is not the type of relationship you want with your child.

BTW, DD is almost 13 now, and if I offer her an alternative, she still takes "no" and disappointment pretty well. I can count on one hand the times we've had a "real fight" in the past 10 years, and every fight was due to her anxiety, not because she was being defiant.

allthingsblue

Sun, May 15 2016, 10:54 am

Ectomorph, I do take him to the park, and he even goes to a babysitter a few hours a day.
FF, in the book I'm reading I was told not to "give power to the child," such as by asking, "isn't this fun?"
Because if the child answers no, then what?

chani8

Sun, May 15 2016, 3:49 pm

A sippy cup is bound to get thrown when toddler is done drinking. They throw everything at this age, even the things they aren't finished playing with. They're little scientists now, investigating gravity, discovering their own super powers, and observing the psychology-of-mommy's-reactions.

And our job is all about prevention and attention. Preventing them from getting hurt, and preventing mommy's-frustration-reaction. When I am paying attention, I can usually prevent unwanted behaviors. If you want to know, my goal is, how to avoid needing to say, "no." I hate saying no.

I am not a big talker so I often dont bother with, 'we dont xyz' (unless it's violence between kids) and instead go straight for, 'let's do this now'.

Finding things to do is an important aspect of attention and prevention. A bored child misbehaves. Figure out what age appropriate task your child should be doing now, and get them working on it. Examples for toddlers around age 2 are: sticker play, markers/crayons, pretend eating, real eating with a spoon, climbing, cups stacking, undressing, taking off shoes, tearing paper, and outside there is sliding, sand box play, water play, and more climbing. And I'm open for more ideas if you have them. We've got to keep those toddlers directed toward 'busy'.