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Paying for therapy - there just isn't enough!



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amother
Mustard


 

Post Sat, May 14 2016, 11:34 pm
We desperately need the therapy. Our marriage is on the rocks because we both have emotional issues from the past, and we have children who are suffering from it. So far we have a really good couple therapist who we pay privately. We also really need individual therapists but have not found good ones yet. We tried a few who take our insurance (medicaid. Yes I said there wasn't enough money) and they were either not good or just not good for us.

But even just the couple therapist alone is breaking the bank. He is already giving us a discount but even with that, therapy plus our fixed expenses leaves us with about $200 a month for everything else. EVERYTHING else. I am racking up a credit card bill which I never did before in my life. We're careful with money and hardly spend on anything extra. But life just costs more than $200 a month. If anything extra happens at all, then you need the credit but with the same balance sheet next month how are you going to pay that?

We have no way to get more income. I'm working as hard as I can and DH is looking for a job. He is looking hard, doing his best, and getting advice from all the right people. He just hasn't found anything yet.

What expense am I going to cut? We can't move to a smaller apartment, we are already at the bottom that is available in our area. Moving out of the area is not practical at this time (moving is expensive too! And complicated.) We already pay only half tuition and I don't think I can ask for less. We are on medicaid and food stamps. Our kids wear almost all hand-me-downs, even though they could use more things the only thing I've bought them new in months is socks. I keep going over and over my spending and there is just nothing extra that we could drop.

No therapy is not an option. We are in a very very bad state. Even if we just gave up and got divorced we would need therapy and other expenses, and it would only replace one set of problems with another. And what kind of crazy idea is it to break up a family with children over a $600 a month problem? Our issues might break us anyway but the only way to find out is to work on them. But working on them is creating so much more stress in the money department.

I feel so stuck. I even thought about starting a gofundme, which I really am ashamed to even think about doing, begging for charity for myself... but anyway because the need is from such a sensitive issue it's definitely not something I'm going to share.

I feel so helpless. What am I doing wrong? What am I supposed to do? Am I just supposed to sit here and watch myself fall into a bottomless debt hole? And my credit limit isn't even high enough for a bottomless hole anyway. What happens to people when they reach their credit limit and still don't have enough money?
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amother
Aubergine


 

Post Sat, May 14 2016, 11:42 pm
I suggest trying to find an "in-network" therapist who accepts your insurance. Call your insurance, get a list of therapists in your area, call them and do an over the phone interview.
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, May 15 2016, 1:02 am
you should take your children out of the school or ask for more tuition assistance. Divorce is very expensive. Stay in therapy, I hope it works out!
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amother
Amethyst


 

Post Sun, May 15 2016, 4:38 am
It's a terrible spot to be in. I can commiserate.
But with us, we live on over $125,000 a year. We have around $30,000 in debt and going deeper every month.

Therapy costs approximately $225 weekly and I really should be going twice a week.... We only pay $300 tuition (break) for one child.

Between rent, bills, tuition, therapy and medical bills (I wish we could have a way of getting Medicaid for the kids. But it'll be even more expensive. Because they don't cover the specialists we need) we are going deeper every month.

I have this same question about what will happen if we reach our credit limit.

We were thinking of moving to a different state with a cheaper community with no Jewish school. My little kid will have to commute an hour each way and some other difficulties. So far we aren't ready.

I am looking for a job but I don't have any schooling past high school/post high year, and the money I'll make will all go towards child care and transportation.... Stuck stuck stuck.

It's hard. For now we live week to week.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, May 15 2016, 4:57 am
What kinds of expenses are you putting on the c.c.?

Pharmacy? Cleaners? Clothing for you/kids? Food?

I can probably help you if you are a little more specific.
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theotherone




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, May 15 2016, 5:17 am
Are you connected to a shul? I know many Rabbanim have a "discretionary fund" that they can tap into to help their congregants. Specifically, he might be willing to pay for your therapy if you are willing to open up to him about it.
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amother
Purple


 

Post Sun, May 15 2016, 5:27 am
Your husband should be taking any job while he looks for a better one. There is no reason he shouldn't be working.
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amother
Mustard


 

Post Sun, May 15 2016, 8:13 am
I tried a bunch of in network therapists and they were all total flops. Except the worst disaster I gave each one enough of a chance to really see. I just don't feel I can waste that kind of time anymore. Each experience like that is very draining and at this point I'm almost constantly in some kind of crisis.

I could ask the school for more assistance but we are paying very little already so I'm not optimistic. And terribly embarrassed. But I guess it's the only thing left to try Sad

Amother, hearing that you're in debt even with 4x our income is depressing! Is there no way to make it at all? Sad

I thought about moving to a cheaper community and we are still thinking about it but every time I do the math it doesn't end up cheaper enough to make it worth it. We're still working on that, meanwhile we are out of money today already.

The expenses on the CC are whatever is left after the money runs out. A little of everything. Not clothing because I just don't buy any anymore if I can help it. But the other things you said. Sunscreen. Toilet paper. Vitamins. Underwear. Stuff.

I can ask our rabbi I guess. Thanks for giving me the push.

The only job DH was able to find so far is unpaid. It is considered a standard stepping stone in his field. It is part time and he is spending literally all the rest of his time looking for something that pays anything.
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amother
Burgundy


 

Post Sun, May 15 2016, 8:20 am
OP- Where do you live that your DH is unable to work? I understand that jobs are hard to come by in niche fields, but if you're in such a predicament, he may have to take filler jobs in the meantime, while he looks for one.
In NYC, for example, there are group homes such as HASC, Women's League, etc. for people struggling with mental and physical disabilities that often have openings. Also B&H does a lot of hiring.
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amother
Purple


 

Post Sun, May 15 2016, 8:54 am
Mustard- Don't be discouraged that amother is making way more than you and still in in debt. That has nothing to do with you or your situation.. Focus on improving yours. There are people making millions and they are in debt too!
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SRS




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, May 15 2016, 11:40 am
Has your husband applied for grocery store positions or a Target/Walmart job or something with high turnover and regular openings? I understand that he wants to get into whatever his field is, but a job is a job.
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amother
Ivory


 

Post Sun, May 15 2016, 12:21 pm
B&H in Manhattan pays close to $40k a year starting salary. Have him apply! He can interview in the meantime and take a job in his field when it comes up. He needs to bring in an income right now.
Hug
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amother
Seagreen


 

Post Sun, May 15 2016, 12:58 pm
amother wrote:
What happens to people when they reach their credit limit and still don't have enough money?


They file bankruptcy, Chapter 7. Then they start fresh and begin the whole cycle again until 7 years later they file Chapter 7 again. I'm not talking about people playing the system, I'm talking about a couple I know that is doing everything to try and help themselves, they are just so stuck.
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amother
Denim


 

Post Sun, May 15 2016, 1:04 pm
SRS wrote:
Has your husband applied for grocery store positions or a Target/Walmart job or something with high turnover and regular openings? I understand that he wants to get into whatever his field is, but a job is a job.


Costco pays well and offers benefits, they have flexible hours esp. when it comes to stocking. Target and Walmart both hire stockers to work after hours shifts (so do most chain grocery stores). Janitorial firms have night shift jobs that would give him time to look for other work (or help you out) during the daytime. Has he been looking at municiple or state jobs? They often hire temps or seasonal temps to work during the summer doing clean up and maintence work.

Your states unemployment dept aslo has resources. Check their online sites, most have all the job openings available statewide. You can sort to region town or zip code.
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amother
Pink


 

Post Sun, May 15 2016, 7:52 pm
Where do you live? There are some great graduate schools out there that have clinics for people to use and offer it at cheap(er) prices. Find a graduate school in MFT or MFCC and see if they have a clinic. Or check non profit or sliding scale clinics in your area- many times they are better than Medicaid ones because they have the professors providing supervision etc. and I know people who got counseling for like 25-50 a session because they don't pay the student therapists.
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