Which school for DS?

amother

Babyblue

Sun, May 15 2016, 3:09 am

I'm having a very hard time deciding which school to send my DS to. He would be entering preschool but the schools are thru 8th grade.

One option is walking distance from our home. It's more yeshivish than where I'm holding, but in alignment with DH's hashkafa. It's probably DH's top choice. Boy & girls seporate. Sunday school for boys. The high school track is yeshiva.

The second option is a short drive. It's modern orthodox, zionistic, and 50/50 secular/Judaic studies. Boys & girls are in same class for secular studies and seporate for Jewish studies. No Sunday school for boys. The kids are on a college track. It's more my hashkafa. The issue is that most kids live in a different neighborhood so DS won't have school friend in our area to play with or carpool with - this is can see becoming a major issue.

Yes, I can switch schools if I want to later but ideally I want to start him in a school he will continue.

I'm looking for suggestions, or experiences. This is my first child so this is new territory.

5mom

Sun, May 15 2016, 4:00 am

Sounds like both parents need to agree here on family's direction. Even though your child is young, look at the graduates of both schools. How do they compare to your hopes for your children?

Sun, May 15 2016, 8:28 am

In my family's experience, going to a different school from the neighbors worked out ok. The neighborhood kids are still friends with mine, and they spend Shabbat together.

Not having a carpool can be a nuisance at times, but we got used to it. If it is a matter of work schedule vs. school drop off/pickup, some people use a car service.

In my community, many kids switch schools between preschool and elementary. The children are pretty resilient about such changes.

It sounds as though you and your husband have some things to work out before making major education decisions for your child. Assuming that both elementary schools accept children who have gone to different preschools, you have some flexibility at this point while you have those conversations.

doctorima

Sun, May 15 2016, 9:42 am

Obviously switching isn't ideal, but you will have the option. Since you're not making a lifetime decision, given that the local school is more convenient for having local friends and carpool, plus is DH's preference, that's where I would start out and play it year by year.

amother

Babyblue

Sun, May 15 2016, 4:06 pm

Thank you for the feedback. I'm on the fence. Both DH and I want our DS to be prepared for college. The MO school I think has an edge on this one - I love that they have a new S.T.E.M. lab. It's cutting edge science/technology and I love the Zionism. DH is more parve on these.

My issue with this school is DS not having friends in our area. I'm curious to hear from others in this situation how it has worked out or not?

theotherone

Sun, May 15 2016, 4:13 pm

I send one of my kids to a school that does not have kids in my neighborhood in the SAME grade as DC. so for carpool, we carpool with kids in the other grade. as far as friends, DC has made lots of friends from the other school who live in our neighborhood. It would be important to me to know how many potential friends there are from the other school in the neighborhood-how big of a school are we talking? if there are only 3 or 4 potentials from the other school, I would worry that they might be their own chevra and leave my kid out. If there are 10-15 potentials, I would assume that a few of them would work out well.

As far as the different hashkafos, I know someone who was trying to figure out whether to send their kid to a school that was either slightly to the right of where they were holding vs slightly to the left. They decided that in the long run, it would be better for their kid if he was slightly frummer than them, as opposed to slightly more modern. they sent to the frummer option. that kid is now in high school and just as frum as his parents. So it worked out well :-)

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, May 15 2016, 4:21 pm

For similar reasons, we send dc to a school we had to drive a short distance to. It worked well for us. They still played with kids on the block after school and on weekends, played with all the kids at shul, regardless of what schools they all went to. If driving every day gets to be an issue, there are many options. On the other side, DC started with kids at the more modern school (from pre-school on), who later transferred to the more black hat school in our area. They transferred as a group when they reached middle school. They also did fine because they knew the neighborhood kids at that school. I did more driving for play dates as DC got older (I also had fewer kids, flexible work, and a neighborhood high school student who could walk over and stay 30 minutes if I had to leave a child to do a pickup)but the tradeoff was worth it for me.
I guess what I'm saying is that you're not locked in and your DC won't not have friends in your block so start with the one you'd prefer to stay at. You can't underestimate the advantage of a good academic foundation to stimulate curiousity.

Sun, May 15 2016, 4:37 pm

Have you had a chance to observe the classrooms in each school? You may find that you have a strong feeling that one school may be better for your child, and that the reasons don't have much to do with haskhkafa or location.

If your son is already reading, or is very active, or if your family wants/doesn't want homework, etc etc, or if you find a particular teacher especially warm or organized or whatever quality you want, you may find your decision comes more easily once you see the classes in action.

amother

Babyblue

Mon, May 16 2016, 12:31 am

OP here.

DH and I talked about this topic today ... seems we are at a bit of a standstill. DH is leaning toward the yeshivish school in our neighborhood and I'm leaning toward the MO school across town.

Really, this is bringing to light the difference in DH & my hashkafa. Confused

I'm a BT so I'm not so familiar with the standard yeshivish educational track. I'm afraid that if he takes the track, he will be a "fish out of water" if he goes on to college and has to work/live in the "real world". I don't want DS to be so isolated. I want his foundation to be Jewish, I want him to learn gemora AND be aware of the "real world" and have the tools to make healthy decisions in it - not fearful of it.

Not sure exactly what I'm asking - maybe if you can just share insight from your experience/thoughts?

5mom

Mon, May 16 2016, 12:58 am

Does your dh also hope your son will go to college? Depending on where he goes to high school, it may not even be an option at all.

Also, I agree with the poster above that teaching style is as important as, or nearly as important as, the general hashakfa of the school. What is the teaching style of each school? Class size? Options for extra help and enrichment? Safety? Responsiveness to parents? What is the general feeling that you get in each place?

Sometimes it's better to have the school match your child's social and academic needs than to match the family's religious outlook.

DrMom

Mon, May 16 2016, 1:00 am

I don't think at the pre-school age it matters a great deal if you send him to one school vs the other.

Perhaps though, it would be wise to take some time to talk to some recent graduates of these schools, to see what you think of their worldviews and life plans. You can also ask the school what most of their graduates do after leaving school.

amother

Babyblue

Mon, May 16 2016, 1:32 am

We toured both schools - both appear warm and responsive to students needs. Both are newer buildings and nice, safe, clean. Since DS is so young, I don't know which will fit him academically/socially yet. BH, he has no developmental issues we need to seek resources for.

DH doesn't feel as strong about DS going to college as me. Both of us assume he will become an "earner" of parnossa like DH. I think that he will probably need practical training/education to make parnossa, where DH doesn't think it's so important to go to collage to become successful. DH sites all the wealthy people in our neighborhood who came out of yeshiva and went straight in to business and now making lots of money (with out a college education). I said, its probably a small percentage of boys who skip practical training and are financially successful. Btw, DH is a non-practicing Attorney, now financial planner. He got a lot of "practical training" for this. Ok so if DS is brilliant and an make lots of money with out college/practical training -great. But I'm not betting on that yet.

animeme

Mon, May 16 2016, 7:29 am

I would find out what tends to happen with the kids from the local school. Are there several mesivtas they go to, with some with more college bound bochurim? What does going to college mean in your community? Many young people in the more yeshivish world complete college without "going"- they live at home or in yeshiva and take their classes. If there are a variety of directions, your child's nature and path through elementary school may end up making some of the later decisions for you.

In the meantime, does your child need to go to one of the schools? Is there a local playgroup to go to? In picking between the schools for now, though, I would go with the local one, with the understanding that the decision will be revisited in a couple of years.

Maya

Mon, May 16 2016, 7:37 am

amother wrote:

My issue with this school is DS not having friends in our area. I'm curious to hear from others in this situation how it has worked out or not?

We don't live in the same neighborhood as our kids school.

Does your child have neighbors that he can play with after school and on shabbos? If so, then not living around the kids from school shouldn't be a problem. My kids sometimes have play dates with friends near the school or sometimes the kids come to our house, but even that is not necessary if there are other children to play with.

Once the kids are older, high school age or so, they may want to spend some Shabbosim with their friends in the other community.

doctorima

Mon, May 16 2016, 10:14 am

Many children from more yeshivish schools switch to somewhat more academic/LW high schools and continue to college, and even kids from yeshivish high schools can also go to college. So I wouldn't choose pre-school based on where he may be in 15 years. By then you'll know your kid much better and can guide him accordingly.

Also, some families in more yeshivish schools that want more secular studies hire after-school English tutors for certain subjects as the kids get older. Also, don't be so sure that in the MO school he'll get a truly strong background in Hebrew subjects.

It sounds like you and DH have bigger differences to work out, and this issue is just bringing them to the forefront. But as I said earlier, given that the local kids go to the school near you and it's much more convenient for friends and carpooling, I would start there and take it 1 year at a time.

amother

Pink

Mon, May 16 2016, 12:31 pm

I think you should also take into account the personality of your child.

As a shy child, not being in the same neighborhood as classmates really harmed my ability to integrate into the class friendship wise.

If your child is outgoing and makes friends easily, I'd be less likely to worry about that.