Babysitter's Husband Assists with Childcare

Librarian

Tue, May 24 2016, 6:37 pm

I am a licensed daycare provider, mother and grandmother - I implore you and all mommies out there please please please only send to licensed providers!! Yes I am nogaya bdovar - that is what gives me authority here

sky

Tue, May 24 2016, 6:56 pm

I feel more comfortable sending to someone I know well rather than a licensed group:
- I know the morah very well, her home and spouse. In a day care I don't know who the morah of my child will be.
- My child's morah cannot take more than 5 children (legally). While a licensed facility will have the same ratio, you don't know who they are hiring to meet that ratio or what they will be doing (just changing diapers).
- My child has just one morah focused on the children, when there are many morahs in a room they tend to talk and shmooze among themselves rather then give the children full attention
- My morah is warm, unstructured and a mini-mommy. I found daycares to be too structured, eating, naps and diaper changes all very scheduled. My children's babysitter will do exactly what the child needs when they need it.
- Cleanliness. My child sleeps in her own pack n play. I don't have to wonder if the sheet is actually changed between children. Because of the small group size, less kids using the toys, high chair, etc. And less sick kids.
- I can even claim the cost of the in house baby sitter on my tax returns.

I've done both, licensed facility and small group in someone's house. For a baby I can't imagine sending to a licensed facility again.

amother

Aqua

Tue, May 24 2016, 7:12 pm

As general rule, healthy men work or learn or do something else with their time. If they are home the whole day sort of "helping" with daycare I am concerned about the man. Yes, sometimes healthy good people get laid off of work for a while. Yes, sometimes there are legitimate reasons a man might be home. But I feel like just the fact that he is home all day is reason for some questioning. Is he depressed? Is he sick?
So, yes this would concern me. I have pulled out of two groups for this reason. I am not saying the husband is a child molester, but I am saying that it is possible, and in any case, why would I want a shlepper to be in charge of my children.

Librarian

Tue, May 24 2016, 8:25 pm

Allow me to clarify: I am talking about Family based care. In New York State anyone caring for more than 2 children in their home must be licensed as a family day care provider. If there are 7 or more (up to 12) there must be a licensed assistant and the facility is licensed as a Group family day care . If a child is under 2 they count as 2 children. Under some circumstances two additional school age children enrolled in school may also be cared for. This is the LAW you can look it up. Home based daycare is small, very warm and very very clean - there are many rules and regulations ensuring your child's safety and hygiene. We get inspected frequently, take continuing education courses and our assistants are very carefully vetted. In my experience a group family daycare with two morahs is the way to go - when the morah need the bathroom, (for example) who is watching your child?

amother

Chartreuse

Tue, May 24 2016, 8:28 pm

but why is he home?
is he retired and helps out a little bit?
is he 30 and sits around all day doing nothing?

if it was something that was discussed up front, and everyone knew the expectations (would he help, would he be left alone with the kids, would he take kids out)
and the babysitter and her husband make a nice team, than great, why not.

but if he's like 30 and not doing anything, idk but that bothers me.

my great aunt turned her basement into a licensed play group and rented it out for many years as a play group and I remember so clearly how my great uncle (who was probably 65) used to love to see the little kids, and he would help watch them outside a little, help a kid tie his shoe...that sort of stuff.

cnc

Tue, May 24 2016, 8:32 pm

playgroup morah wrote:

I will go so far as to say that anyone sending to an illegal home based playgroup/babysitter is committing sakanos nefoshos on their own child It is not safe!

I've witnessed true sakanaos nefashos in licensed daycares as well, so I don't think there is any value in making a blanket statement such as yours.

Librarian

Tue, May 24 2016, 8:39 pm

no one is perfect and there are no guarantees but at least there is a complete and honest effort to do it right and safe as opposed to a situation that is outright illegal and in violation of the laws meant to protect our children

sky

Tue, May 24 2016, 8:49 pm

I believe NJ allows for 5 children, besides for the caregivers children to be legal.
My babysitter will even keep her group in the home when having HUD inspections because it is legal.
http://www.state.nj.us/humanse.....hild/

cnc

Tue, May 24 2016, 8:50 pm

playgroup morah wrote:

The only reason most places in my area are legal are not because they're making an effort to be honest. It is because they want to accept vouchers and get paid twice the going rate that is usually charged for playgroups.

I have friends that worked in these places and they have told me horror stories about what goes on there.
The staff turnaround is annoying and the ones that actually work with the children are not the ones running the place so it's a problem when someone needs to take responsibility for something.

My point is that when choosing childcare , licensing is not the determining factor. To me, it's more important that I trust the person that it is dealing with and responsible for my child.

Librarian

Tue, May 24 2016, 9:17 pm

I do not get any vouchers nor do any of my friends who are licensed family day care providers - from what I understand it is very difficult for parents to qualify for them I cannot fathom what you mean by "the ones that actually work with the children are not the ones running the place" In a family based day care the provider ( the person who owes/rents the home and who is licensed to run the program) may only be absent a minimal amount of days (covered by a LICENSED substitute) same for the assistant You cannot have two assistants running the program if someone is running things otherwise they are breaking the law, putting children in danger and will be shut down if they get caught which is likely as we are inspected quite frequently which is exactly my point

Librarian

Tue, May 24 2016, 9:20 pm

And aside from the amount of children, number of caregivers, safety of the environment does the illegal provider have CPR and First Aid training? She most certainly cannot have insurance. Trust is the most important but that is not enough by a long shot

Jeanette

Tue, May 24 2016, 9:22 pm

pesek zman wrote:

Totally unprofessional. If she needs help, she should hire an assistant. But I send my baby to a licensed daycare in a center so I don't really have frame of reference

Would you consider it equally unprofessional if her mother, sister or daughter helped out?

amother

Lemon

Tue, May 24 2016, 10:11 pm

OP here. I am not in NY state and she watches only a couple of children and is not required to be licensed.

Somehow the idea of the husband being home made me feel uncomfortable and I wanted to hear the thoughts of others on the matter.

Thanks everyone!

amother

Seafoam

Tue, May 24 2016, 10:28 pm

amother wrote:

Is he older and retired, or has no job so he hangs around at home all day? (As others have brought up). This would affect my decision.