Why do they do this?

amother

Ruby

Wed, May 25 2016, 5:41 pm

There's a strong pattern that I notice. When I pick my 4 year old up from kindergarten after work, I am truly thrilled to see him.... I'm exhausted from work, but seeing him is just wonderful. Same for my ten year old, etc. So my manner and mood is pretty consistently upbeat and cheerful and eager to please. Making snacks, chatting about the day, hugs & kisses, and what have you.

Now I know kids often come out of school tired and grumpy. I'm not questioning that. But what I find is, that sometimes the grumpyness and contrariness persists until my own mood has completely dampened and I'm snapping at back them and have lost all my original good cheer. And then when that has happened, the tables are turned, and suddenly they are trying to please ME. No more angry and resistant behavior.

This is not some emotionally manipulative game I'm playing, G-d forbid, I don't stay angry or snappy or whatever. And I certainly don't do it on purpose, I just sort of progressively get drained of my cheerfulness after 2 hours of tantrummy grouchy behavior.

But I've picked up this pattern and I'm trying to understand it. Is this human nature? Is it just my kids? Does anyone have any insight into this or know what I'm talking about? Why does it take me getting grouchy back at them for them to stop??

amother

Scarlet

Wed, May 25 2016, 6:05 pm

Maybe because children like to test our limits. Or maybe because you've made it your job to manage their moods so they do the same for you?

Either way, now that you've noticed the pattern, can you continue giving and loving patiently, without expecting their mood to improve and without letting it ruin yours? Sometimes awareness of a pattern helps us break it. Especially if we refuse to take responsibility for another person's inner state - which we cannot control without losing our own equilibrium.

Iymnok

Thu, May 26 2016, 6:39 am

Try giving them a snack as soon as you can. Have a box f granola bars or something in the car. Food makes a huge difference.
My mother kept a box or two of cereal and a package of sandwich bags in her van for us. Eventually a case of water bottles too.