Do you buy new toys because they ask or need to earn it?

amother

Purple

Fri, May 27 2016, 8:06 am

Hi All! So my son (8) asked me to get him a hockey stick. He plays outside alot and that would be useful. My question is, Do I get it because I think its a good idea and why not. Or do I make him earn it? IN the past many things would wait for his birthday, like a wii. He got rollerblades for afikomen etc. Some things he would earn from a chart with his rebbi , would be rubik cubes, (the prize is supplied by me...)
One time he wanted a microscope so I made a chart at home for certain things and he earned the scope that way...
I feel like I have no patience for charts and I just want to buy it for him stam.
Any advice on what you do at home?

glamourmom

Fri, May 27 2016, 8:10 am

I don't think children need to earn every prize or toy. it's important for them to feel special to you just for being your child. if a new toy will make him happy and feel like you love him, go ahead. that's not to say you need to buy him everything he asks for just so he feels loved. some toys should be earned but occasionally buying a "treat" will make him feel cherished.

cheerios

Fri, May 27 2016, 8:23 am

When I a kids asks for something I would let them know that I now know what they like and then either use it for a chart/reward or even surprise them with it at a later time, but I wouldn't (generally speaking) run out to buy it. I think that would foster the feeling of entitlement.

amother

Hotpink

Fri, May 27 2016, 8:37 am

My kids get new toys either for special occasions, or gifts from relatives, or occasional treats "just stam". My son got tons of toys when he broke his leg. I'm not big into charts etc, I don't have patience. My kids actually don't like having too many toys because it's hard to keep them organized.

I try to take them out every Sunday and sometimes our trip is to a store and they each pick out something small (cheaper than admission to many attractions and keeps them busy for hours)!

agreer

Fri, May 27 2016, 8:57 am

glamourmom wrote:

THIS!

Life is hard enough. Treat your child well.

Of course, they can't have everything in life, but when they want a new toy once in a while? Yes, let them have it just because they ask for it.

amother

Purple

Fri, May 27 2016, 9:16 am

Thanks everyone for all the varied input. I have a good friend who has very different parenting views than me and she makes her kids earn everything even a donut! When we were out doing clinical hours (for school) on sundays I would always bring home something special for my kids (like donuts) bec I wasnt there a whole day and she would say "why are you getting them something, they didnt earn it..."

Chayalle

Fri, May 27 2016, 10:32 am

amother wrote:

Of course they earned it. They had to be without their mother on Sundays!

seeker

Fri, May 27 2016, 1:16 pm

I also do a varied approach.
Some things if I think it's a good idea or good thing to have, I'll just buy because it makes sense. Like the hockey stick. Except my kids don't do hockey, so it's more like "Yes, it is sprinkler season, you will get a lot of good use out of a water squirter. Makes sense, I'll treat you to it."
Things that they want that I don't especially want but don't actually object to either, they can either earn it or wait for a special occasion.

That's just for things they want/ask for, though. I also give them plenty of things from my own initiative. Bringing home a donut treat when you go out is definitely that kind of thing. Or toys/games that you think of on your own as being good for them to have. It's these things that I think make them feel loved and cared for, not giving them whatever they ask for but yes getting them nice things from your own heart.

Once in a while I'll ok a random request "just because" if it's not expensive and we haven't had other treats for a while, but I'm not a fan of doing that. I think it's just confusing. I also try to teach my kids to be thoughtful about purchases and impulse treat buying doesn't really help with that... but I mean things like we were out doing errands and they want the 99-cent headband and I'll say yes because I was dragging them around all day and they could use something in it for them.

ChutzPAh

Fri, May 27 2016, 1:44 pm

Things that were used for physical activity like jump ropes, hoola hoops, and bats and balls I usually just bought because I wanted them to get 'natural' exercise. Other things they wanted like watches or specific expensive sports things, electronics, they usually had to earn or wait for a birthday.

naomi2

Fri, May 27 2016, 3:08 pm

You can also buy them toys because they need them .children need toys to grow learn and thrive. So you are a good mother if you get them toys for that reason alone. As far as earning things, I buy my kids toys stam and then when I need them to behave a certain way, I think of a toy they might want and I bribe them with the chart!! A little opposite of what the mother who makes her kids earn everything after they ask.
Imagine if you knew every time you ask you husband for anything, you are told to earn it in a certain way that he would come up with in the spot. A bit twisted. Once in a while for kids to earn is ok. Especially big or expensive toy. But needing to earn everything?
I guess this post is mostly in response to the story of a mothers friend who wouldn't give her kids donuts just because.

daagahminayin

Fri, May 27 2016, 3:40 pm

I remember when I was a kid and I asked my mom for a tamagotchi (virtual pet). They had just come out and were quite pricey, and I wasn't really expecting I'd get it. I couldn't believe it when she drove my siblings and me to the toy store and let each of us pick one. I hadn't done anything special to earn it; she got it for me "just because". I remember how warm I felt inside from this act of pure love and I told her, "Mom, I'm never going to forget this." And I never did.