8yo stealing and lying!! really need advice (long)!

mummiedearest

Fri, Mar 14 2014, 1:44 pm

amother wrote:

Op here
Thank you for all your replies. Am digesting them all.

Eschaya I am relieved to have some company! I will keep you posted if we find any success Smile

Thanks to the amother who responded about what caused her to steal. I don't think that applies to my son but, like Onisa also said, there must be something that is comforting about it.

It;s all good - I'll look out for that book. Interesting. I am aware of the concept and he gets little gifts etc every so often but maybe its not enough.

PAmom - I didn't ask about the money per se but when I asked him about the nash taking, he said he gets hungry. I believe that is possible at 5.45am but not when he has just finished a big supper incl fruit and cake after (so he has even had s/t sweet!) Maybe its the thrill, who knows.

mummiedearest - I was actually about to start giving him an allowance. Now I am reconsidering until I speak to a professional. I don't want him to feel rewarded for stealing - like, ok you were taking money from me, I'll give you more? Also, I'm not sure how happy I am about an allowance being for nash!!!

Anyway thank you for all your replies, much appreciated. Guess I better get some professional help now!

it's not a reward for stealing. you need to talk to him about this. "dad and I saw that you feel you need money to buy your own things. we have decided to give you a weekly allowance. you may do what you wish with this money as long as it is age appropriate. we will be meeting with you once a month to discuss financial responsibility. if you need a raise in allowance, we will consider it once you explain what the raise is needed for. we want you to have what you need. you may not take money out of my wallet (or dad's) without permission. you now have your very own money, and we expect you to respect that ours is not yours. we reserve the right to halt allowance if we see fit."

causemommysaid

Fri, Mar 14 2014, 2:28 pm

A few things:

I agree the money taking and the lying are a problem

I just don't agree that "stealing" nosh from your own house falls under that category.

Do any of us need to ask permission to eat candy or cake?

I understand that a child needs control and boundaries and cant eat all the nosh he wants but the fact that he is rebelling against nosh control is really understandable and not a huge problem.

It sounds to me as though the source of your issues are that your 8 year old wants to eat nosh and will do anything to get it including stealing nosh, stealing money, and lying.

Perhaps having a nosh collection just for him and including him in the decisions regarding his nosh eating habits will allow him more control of the situation and he wont fee deprived to the point of stealing and lying. Also make sure he is getting enough to drink and eats healthy meals as well as healthy snacks around so he wont consume so much.

amother

Sienna

Mon, Jun 29 2015, 8:09 am

amother wrote:

I did this when I was your son's age. I used to take money from my mother's purse, and from other sources as well. Then I'd go to the grocery store and buy nosh. If I didn't get money for nosh, I sometimes stole from the grocery as well.

I did it because I felt deprived, in many areas, and the nosh somehow filled me.

I stopped when my conscience kicked in, toward my teen years.

Find out what is bothering your son, and why he needs to do this.

I was exactly the same !!!!!
I come from a large family and kind of got lost in the shuffle and did it as I 'needed' the nosh.