Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Household Management -> Finances
Income drastically reduced, help me help my kids thru it



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Tue, Jun 07 2016, 10:04 am
We've had a series of financial setbacks that resulted in drastically reduced income and no more savings. We are a family of 10 in Israel. We are working on downsizing our standard of living, which was modest to begin with. This includes finding cheaper (probably smaller) housing, eliminating all non-essentials and reducing expenses. So no camp, no extra curriculars, cheaper meals, more careful phone and a/c use, etc. I've had a few good cries but now my big girl panties are on. This will be hard but not impossible and we can do this and still be happy and grateful for all that we have, which is a lot. But the kids are gonna feel this and it's going to hurt. From those of you who have gone through something similar, how can I present this in a way that doesn't make them feel like a nebach? How can I help them handle this huge lifestyle change so that it builds us instead of breaking us? And of course what are your best practical tips and suggestions for living on a lot less?
Back to top

amother
Smokey


 

Post Tue, Jun 07 2016, 10:15 am
Following as I am in the same situation.



Hugs
Back to top

FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 07 2016, 10:15 am
BTDT. I went through bankruptcy, lost my house to foreclosure, and was disabled so I couldn't go to work. On top of that, I got divorced and exDH wasn't paying child support. I went from a very posh house to a studio apartment with a toddler.

Good for you for crying it out! That's the first step. Now for the big girl panties:

Your kids need happy parents a lot more than they need "stuff". If mommy and daddy are happy (even faking it), then they know they are safe and loved. Nothing can replace that.

Time to teach kids about emunah and bitachon. This will become a crucial life skill for them.

Learn Pirkei Avot "Who is rich? The one who is satisfied with what they have."

Get them engaged in a chessed project that helps out the homeless. Just taking spare clothes or sandwiches to a poor area, or giving a few coins of tzedakah to a beggar will help reinforce to them how fortunate they are.

Reinforce gratitude. When it rains, thank Hashem for the roof over your head. If they have two pairs of shoes, talk about the kids who only have one pair. Really play up how fortunate you are, and how grateful you are to Hashem.

DD grew up with a BFF who is in a wealthy family, but the girl does not always have good middos. DD is actually happy that I didn't raise her to be spoiled, and to share everything she has with a happy attitude. She never rubs other people's faces in what she has that they don't.

When DD wants something that is out of the budget, I tell her "I understand exactly how you feel. I would love to have a diamond bracelet, but it's not going to happen right now. Hashem decides exactly how much you need, and if I needed this bracelet I would have a way to buy it. Hashem never promised you what you "want", but just what is good for you to have."

Any time you want some extra chizzuk, feel free to PM me. Hug
Back to top

Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 07 2016, 11:37 am
Talking about emuna and bitachon to your kids gets it to you. Think self-brainwashing.
Back to top

SRS




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 07 2016, 11:47 am
I'd be unfront and honest with them that there has been a setback. I would assure them that they will be fed, clothed, and have a roof over their head. Then I would challenge them to be part of the cutting back process and where they succeed, reward them as you can.
Back to top

amother
Forestgreen


 

Post Tue, Jun 07 2016, 12:39 pm
My parents went thru this when I was a teen and it made us more mature and responsible in the long run. You are especially fortunate to be living in Israel because they will have peers in a similar situation and there is less shame associated with being "poor" ( I moved to Israel at 14 and my parents lost their money before the move )

I second being open with them and assuring them that no matter what they will have everything they need, but they may not be able have whatever they want for the time being.

-Help the older kids find jobs if they feel they need things you can't afford

- Let them know that you understand that its hard to cut down and that they can share with you. It will be annoying for you because there will be a LOT of complaining but try to
empathize and take it in stride. As they get used to it they the complaining will die down.

- Try to make time for fun, wholesome family activities to replace the extracurricular/ camp even when you are stressed out about money. Arrange a few on your own and once they had a good time once or twice see if you can come up with ideas together with your kids.

- Be creative with the economizing.
Look up ideas on pinterest so that when you economize on meals they don't feel like they are eating pasta every day. I found that pinterest gave me ideas to make my wardrode seem larger then it was as a teen and made me feel better.

-My mom you used to go to the gemach in a different neighborhood because I was embarrassed that s/o would see me and would pick out nice stuff for me to go thru to protect my pride.

-If you are going to move to more cramped quarters try to make sure there is some kind of space were your kids can have some privacy in if they have friends over ect....It can even be a merpeset sherut with a desk and some been bags
Back to top

amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Tue, Jun 07 2016, 3:54 pm
Thank you to every one of you for sharing your personal experiences and for the suggestions and perspective and chizzuk. Every single post is helpful and I'm taking notes.
Back to top

amother
Violet


 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2016, 12:01 am
This happened to me when my husband died. I tried to be matter of fact about it - I reassured them that necessities would be taken care of, but we would have to rethink some things. I also gave them an opportunity to find creative ways to get some of the things they missed. For example, one of the things we all missed the most was trips to the bookstore for new books. There is a used bookstore in my neighborhood and I helped them sell back books they didn't want and buy new ones. For the older kids, I also encouraged them to look for tutoring, babysitting, etc., and allowed them to keep what they earned for the extras I can't afford. As a bonus, they really were proud of themselves for being able to do this. As someone else said, your attitude will make the difference.
Back to top
Page 1 of 1 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

Related Topics Replies Last Post
How much income for 3m home
by amother
2 Today at 3:24 am View last post
I love frum fashion for kids
by amother
124 Today at 2:23 am View last post
S/o List your income and expenses breakdown
by amother
15 Today at 1:54 am View last post
Saying no to kids for selfish reasons
by amother
44 Today at 1:00 am View last post
Disciplining other people’s kids
by amother
37 Yesterday at 11:53 pm View last post