What is a reasonable consequence/response?

hazelj18

Tue, Jun 21 2016, 9:47 am

What is a reasonable consequence/response to children who talk back/don't help when asked (to do things like clear their cereal bowl to kitchen counter)?

They are young but act like teens! We all have our days of course! Smile

Last edited by hazelj18 on Wed, Jun 22 2016, 12:14 am; edited 1 time in total

imasinger

Tue, Jun 21 2016, 10:29 am

In general, positive works better than negative. You can try any or all of these techniques.

Try phrasing it well -- "Dassie, you're always such a great help to me. Can I count on you to bring your cereal bowl to the counter after breakfast?"

(Most powerful) Try praising success -- "Thanks, Dassie! I love how responsible and helpful you are!"

Insist that the job get done, and ignore grumbling. When insisting, be sure to focus on the job, not the person: "I see a cereal bowl that needs to be cleared, right now," not, "okay, who's the irresponsible one who left a dirty cereal bowl on the table again?!"

Chayalle

Tue, Jun 21 2016, 11:09 am

B"H I haven't had disrespect often, but occasionally when it comes up, I gently tell the child that I am unable to communicate with them without Derech Eretz. When they are ready to speak with Derech Eretz we can continue talking. I will not be able to speak with you for the next few minutes because that was not Derech Eretz...things like that. However, don't jump to call everything a lack of Derech Eretz, some things are just normal expected age-appropriate behavior. Forget about those perfect kids you read about in books, or the Rebbetzin of your shul's little angels (who probably are pretty normal when you are not around.)

Agree to insist they be responsible for the job and ignore the grumbling. Don't get super hung up on normal behavior, kids are not little puppets. Don't expect your children to run excitedly to clean up their things, just stay focused and firm without taking it personally.

ETA: Humor also helps alot. Like, there are a couple of plates on the table that are feeling socially isolated from the ones in the sink (this works with my wanna-be-social-worker teen). They are considering going for therapy due to their misplacement.

There's a certain bedroom that is suffering from dysfunction, and the laundry on the floor is seriously neglected....

To my little one - the dinner plate on the table is crying because her mother left her behind when everyone else went for a trip to the waterpark.....