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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Infants
Want to stop nursing but feel so guilty :(
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amother
Blue


 

Post Mon, Jun 27 2016, 6:51 pm
My husband could work for la leche, he is so gung-ho on nursing. I like to be able to give one bottle a day so that if I ever need to leave the baby I am able to. I just don't seem to have enough milk. I didn't have any problems nursing my other children. My body just seems so sensitive to changes in diet, stress, and water intake. If I had abundant milk and could feed him every few hours with him being happy, I would be fine with nursing. But I can't stand that environmental factors seem to affect my body so much that my whole life seems to revolve around feeding this baby! He is now four and a half months old. I have two other children under five and my life is really hectic in other areas. My gut feeling is that my baby is an easy going baby, but since he is constantly hungry, I spend the whole day nursing, rocking, dealing with a screaming baby, ending up supplementing with a bottle (at least twice a day) and thereby making the cycle worse. He does sleep well at night, so at least that. I just think that if I am giving him bottle feeds every 3-4 hours and know he is getting the right amount of food, I won't have to deal with this cranky baby all day. I feel so guilty because he is young, I am a SAHM so I am able to be with him all the time, and my husband is so pressurizing to keep nursing. He thinks this is the most important thing ever.... Crying WWYD
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amother
Lavender


 

Post Mon, Jun 27 2016, 7:11 pm
I had a similar situation, and tapered down to nursing my baby twice a day. It worked for me, and my baby didn't seem to have lost out.
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anonymrs




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 27 2016, 7:16 pm
I have nothing against bottle-feeding but just something to think about-how would you feel if you stopped or drastically cut back nursing and your baby turns out to be the not-so-easygoing-happy-go-lucky type?
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Maya




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 27 2016, 7:22 pm
I don't understand why you would continue nursing if you have even the slightest suspicion that your poor baby is hungry? That's so cruel.

Children get great benefit from nursing even for six weeks, and nursing for four and a half months is long enough for you to give it up if it isn't working for you.

It's your decision to make, not your husband's.
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amother
Denim


 

Post Mon, Jun 27 2016, 7:29 pm
Maya wrote:
I don't understand why you would continue nursing if you have even the slightest suspicion that your poor baby is hungry? That's so cruel.

Children get great benefit from nursing even for six weeks, and nursing for four and a half months is long enough for you to give it up if it isn't working for you.

It's your decision to make, not your husband's.

I agree with Maya. If your baby is hungry and your milk isn't satisfying him for whatever reason there is no question you should supplement or switch.

BUT a constantly kvetchy baby who wants to nurse all day doesn't automatically mean hungry baby. He could be kvetchy due to teething, an ear infection, or an allergy or sensitivity to something in your milk or the formula. When a baby is hurting or uncomfortable he will want to nurse for comfort whether or not he's hungry. How is his weight gain? Do you see a difference in the kvetchiness on days when you give him more forumula than usual?
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amother
Blue


 

Post Mon, Jun 27 2016, 7:35 pm
amother wrote:
I agree with Maya. If your baby is hungry and your milk isn't satisfying him for whatever reason there is no question you should supplement or switch.


OP here: The reason I think it is the food is because when I give the bottle he is all of a sudden mr smiley/happy to play on the floor.
I guess the question is: Should I go the nursing consultant/pumping/making this my number one goal for a while-route, or should I just let things go naturally for a while and give bottles when necessary and see if it peters out on it's own?

I just spoke to my DH and he said to give it a reasonable trial, like a week where I really try to eat/sleep/relax/drink a lot and give bottles when I need to, and re-evaluate next week. I guess that is reasonable. (of course he also had to stick in all the benefits of long term breastfeeding and that on every bottle of formula it says mother's milk is best...)
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gold21




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 27 2016, 7:42 pm
Ive always breastfed successfully BH, but only because I supplement as needed. Im not stressed, and thats why it works. In my opinion, La Leche is an avodah zara of sorts, if u will.
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pointyshoes




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 27 2016, 7:50 pm
gold21 wrote:
Ive always breastfed successfully BH, but only because I supplement as needed. Im not stressed, and thats why it works. In my opinion, La Leche is an avodah zara of sorts, if u will.


What do you mean?
To the op- do what you can, supplement the rest. Dont feel guilty!
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gold21




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 27 2016, 8:02 pm
pointyshoes wrote:
What do you mean?
To the op- do what you can, supplement the rest. Dont feel guilty!


Some people worship breastmilk. Seriously.

If breastfeeding isnt working, make it work!

Do anything! Ignore all your other kids! Spend tons of money! Let your baby cry from hunger! Beat yourself up and feel like a loser!

All in the name of breastmilk. Lol
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pointyshoes




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 27 2016, 8:04 pm
gold21 wrote:
Some people worship breastmilk. Seriously.

If breastfeeding isnt working, make it work!

Do anything! Ignore all your other kids! Spend tons of money! Let your baby cry from hunger! Beat yourself up and feel like a loser!

All in the name of breastmilk. Lol


Oh, right. Yeah I get you now.
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amother
Magenta


 

Post Mon, Jun 27 2016, 8:06 pm
So what your DH is saying is that breastfeeding is more important to him than you being a happy healthy mother that can take care of your kids in a calm manner. That can have a peaceful day without a screaming child.

Do you know that breastfeeding is NOT always best? What do you think you're doing to your child emotionally if 1.He is in a constant state of hunger (as you believe) and 2. You're too exhausted emotionally and physically to parent him and your other kids properly?

There is no doubt in my mind. Supplement, supplement. You will be doing yourself and your children a huge chessed.
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amother
Brunette


 

Post Mon, Jun 27 2016, 8:22 pm
amother wrote:
OP here: The reason I think it is the food is because when I give the bottle he is all of a sudden mr smiley/happy to play on the floor.
I guess the question is: Should I go the nursing consultant/pumping/making this my number one goal for a while-route, or should I just let things go naturally for a while and give bottles when necessary and see if it peters out on it's own?

I just spoke to my DH and he said to give it a reasonable trial, like a week where I really try to eat/sleep/relax/drink a lot and give bottles when I need to, and re-evaluate next week. I guess that is reasonable. (of course he also had to stick in all the benefits of long term breastfeeding and that on every bottle of formula it says mother's milk is best...)


Hmm.
And he offered to do what on his part to make this work?
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helene




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 27 2016, 8:30 pm
You have been such a good mother and tride your best for this baby. You have nursed your baby for 4 and a half month. Absolutely wonderful! You have done an excellent job! And now its getting too much. You are still doing an excellent job! You are realizing baby isn't getting enough food, your other children also need you. You are a very good mother and you realize that you need to do so many jobs to be a good mother. Supplementing your feeds or even stop nursing in order to be there for ALL the family is definitely the right thing to do. And there is absolutely no need to feel guilty. Not everybody can feed for as long as they would like to. It doesn't matter! Main thing is baby gets enough food and you have a happy family.

Have the koach to enjoy them all!
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 27 2016, 8:35 pm
helene wrote:
You have been such a good mother and tride your best for this baby. You have nursed your baby for 4 and a half month. Absolutely wonderful! You have done an excellent job! And now its getting too much. You are still doing an excellent job! You are realizing baby isn't getting enough food, your other children also need you. You are a very good mother and you realize that you need to do so many jobs to be a good mother. Supplementing your feeds or even stop nursing in order to be there for ALL the family is definitely the right thing to do. And there is absolutely no need to feel guilty. Not everybody can feed for as long as they would like to. It doesn't matter! Main thing is baby gets enough food and you have a happy family.

Have the koach to enjoy them all!


This, this, this!
Thank your husband for being so supportive. B"H mine was too, to the extent that when I told him that if I keep nursing I might not lose my baby weight he told me to keep nursing.
You have done so much for your baby, and yes, for you too there are health benefits. Do what you need to do to be an aim habanim smeicha and aim habanim smeichim. Your husband will also be happy.

And I say this having nursed all my kids, b"H, #3 also got nursed least, it just took time to get the hang of it. He is a lovely young man and didn't suffer for it. Interestingly, I was able to nurse my other kids for longer. It's not like, you stop early with this one you might never get further with future children. You just don't know. And if you make it to 4.5 months with future children, that's incredible too!
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baltomom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 27 2016, 11:50 pm
Have you discussed this with the pediatrician, who can also look at your baby's weight gain etc. to help determine what's going on? If (s)he recommends you supplement or stop nursing for your baby's benefit, that will make you feel better about it AND help convince your husband.
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amother
Chocolate


 

Post Tue, Jun 28 2016, 9:20 am
Op ur post sounds exactly what my life was like. Baby crying all thectime cauz shes hungry. Busy feeding allll day n not having enuf. At 4 mnths I decided im only nursing when I feel I have what to give. The rest of the time I give bottles. It is bh working out very well. There is no stress or pressure at all. N I think I have mote milk now because im not tjinking about it all day. I have a happy bubbly little girl now. Starving a kid just cauz a lady wants to nurse is mean.
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losingweight




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 28 2016, 9:27 am
Is supplementing difficult for you? If not, give him a scoop of formula after each feeding. I did it by one of my kids. He's almost old enough to hold the bottle on his own. If you're nursing clean, it's an added benefit to make you want to continue.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 28 2016, 10:18 am
let's not play guilty games ... you can nurse & give your baby a bottle too

until your husband has boobs and has tried nursing he cannot advise you on the matter

you can quit altogether

[have 4 kids - 2 that I nursed & 2 that I nursed & bottle fed for ease & sanity]
[my last baby I stopped early too because my previous baby nursed too long for me and wouldn't take a bottle]
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amother
Puce


 

Post Tue, Jun 28 2016, 11:09 am
This happened to me too. Only the pressure came from well-meaning relatives. I am happy they pressured me. We bonded beutifuly when the baby was a little older. This is what I did: I gave the baby one bottle of formula before he went to sleep at night and nursed during the day. I froze different type of soups and that was the one thing I made time to eat. I nursed the baby after I ate. I felt I had more milk then. If the baby was sleeping or I felt I had more milk, I pumped, this increased my milk supply . And soon I switched pumped bottles instead of formula for the night. And I continued taking prenatals. Give it another month see what happens.
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rofa




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 28 2016, 11:57 am
Note: I'm obviously very pro breastfeeding, so I'm not advising you whether to continue or quit nursing. You have to make that decision yourself based on what is best for mama and baby.

That said:

#1 rule: FED IS BEST

If you're baby is gaining appropriately then s/he most like isn't hungry. If weight gain is low- you can schedule a session with an LC and do a weighed feeding. If he/she transferred around 3-5oz your supply is fine. Anything less you'll probably have to supplement after feeding or breastfeed more/very frequently.

As long as you empty your breasts every 4 hours your supply shouldn't suffer just because you offered some formula.

Also, babies cry for many reasons. Also, babies like to breastfeed for many reasons including hunger, comfort, boredom, when they're teething, when they're tired...

If your baby takes a long time to nurse s/he might be tongue tied and can't efficiently remove milk. Tongue ties can also result in a refluxy, cranky baby.

If you choose to continue to nurse- it'll probably get much easier in a few months when you can introduce solids.
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