Lonely and having a little cry :'(

amother

Blonde

Tue, Jun 28 2016, 9:31 pm

I don't know where you live but we also live in a very small Frum community. It was very sad for me at times but now I am BH very involved with the chabad house. I host monthly women circle events and help with other activities. And I have met many non Frum Jews at drop in play groups and other events at community centers and public schools. So I regularly invite guests who aren't necessarily affiliated with our small community. It's really very nice. Hugs op I really understand how you feel. We also don't have an eruv here so we can't take the kids to shul on Shabbos either.

amother

Aquamarine

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 3:26 am

We've relocated to a few small communities. For me what has worked best - not being a very extroverted person, so hosting a bbq etc. isn't something I would do - are these ideas:

- I make a point of chatting with other moms at school/camp drop-offs and pick-ups, or at the playground - try to get past small talk to say something more substantive/personal and see if you can start a connection based on something real

- set up playdates for my kids and get to know their moms that way - also sometimes offer to take your child's friend along to the playground or other little outing - before & afterwards you will have the opportunity to talk about the plan, how things went, how the kids enjoyed being together

- carpool with other mothers so we have to interact and plan and talk, which helps us get to know each other over time

- participate at my kids' school in various ways, so I become visible as part of the community and get to know the other parents and teachers etc.

- offer tutoring or lessons in some area, if you are qualified for something like that, so you will have regular and meaningful contact with the parents

- offer some kind of class for women (something you teach or something you host in your home that someone else teaches) - could be a rosh chodesh gathering or a cooking class or really anything - even once a month can help you feel like part of things and make people aware of you

- volunteer at school or at shul so you'll be working alongside other people

- have a yard sale and people will come to you Smile

- babysit for other people's kids? another way to get involved in people's lives in a way they appreciate

hope some of these ideas might be helpful!

amother

Aquamarine

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 3:28 am

Also - if there is an email list or whatsapp group for your community - post occasionally to offer a favor, like you're going to the kosher supermarket (or wherever) and would anyone like you to pick anything up for them?

Or post questions asking for people's recommendations for doctors, dentists, plumbers, etc. and follow up responses in a friendly way that opens the door to future communication.

JewishMother2

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 6:08 am

I live in a community with lots of young women (I'm not one of them!) but I see from our local facebook page that they arrange get togethers on shabbat afternoon with the kids to keep them occupied or sing-alongs for the younger ones. I understand that this might not be a great option if many of the families are not frum but maybe speak to the Rebbetzin and find out quietly who is and who isn't so that you're not putting yourself or them in an awkward position.

Maybe your husband could also suggest to his friends that his wife is finding things a little lonely and perhaps they can suggest to their wives to be in touch with you.

Good luck, I really feel for you as I've also lived in that situation and it's not nice.

Mrs Bissli

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 6:44 am

Is there an eruv in your community? Do young women you mentioned don’t go to shuls because of children have husbands who would go to shul? If the answers are yes to both, your DH to ask men to invite their families as others suggested. Summer is good time esp as everyone tends to be bored with long Shabbat afternoon.

What activities are there at the shul during the week? If there’s nothing, why don’t you start one, may it be some shiurim or social get together or book club or challa bake?

If you don’t get invited, invite them yourself. That’s how I established social network when I first moved here.

Also expand your ‘target audience’ to different age group—I don’t quite understand why people in different age groups and lifestages can’t be friends. Vast majority of my ‘real life’ friends are either much younger or older than myself.

Would you feel comfortable socialising outside of frum members of the community? There must be general interest-related groups.

Also be patient. How long have you been in the new community? It took me nearly 2years to be comfortable socially, maybe a few years longer to establish solid friendship.

saw50st8

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 7:12 am

Start a mommy and me group at shul. It's really easy! I took over our mommy and me from a friend who was ready to give it up and it's easy because it's scripted. You'll get to know a lot of the young families there AND your kids will be entertained.

I definitely agree with Mrs Bissli. Expand your social circle to include people older (and younger if there are) than you. It's awesome having friends in different stages.