Want to stop nursing but feel so guilty :(

gold21

Tue, Jun 28 2016, 12:09 pm

I breastfeed about 75-80 percent of the time
(Ive always done it this way, as thats how much milk im able to produce- without various La-Leche-approved extreme methods)
And bottle feed the rest
Has not impacted bonding
Part of being bonded with your child is being attuned to their needs
I gave my baby 2 oz of formula just a couple of minutes ago. I nursed 2 hours ago. Tongue Out

(I also give formula in hospital, as my colostrum does not seem to be very filling. Does not affect nursing at all, my babies have all taken to nursing like pros. BH.)

amother

Lilac

Tue, Jun 28 2016, 1:11 pm

Since you mention La Leche, OP, I want to give a tiny insight to what that's like from a daughter's perspective.

My mother was massively into La Leche. She believed in nursing only, never supplementing. People used to call her for nursing advice all the time. She would help women with nursing issues. She was into it because she nursed clean for over a year and didn't believe in BC, though she would never admit it. She would tell women who weren't producing enough milk that they have to nurse more, and she firmly believed that if they would do that they'd be successful.

The reality is that she left us, her daughters, babysitting a crying and hungry infant many times. We weren't allowed to offer the baby anything, because that would interfere with nursing. So instead we had to try to comfort a hungry baby without food, waiting for my mother to show up and nurse. And no, she didn't work, she was officially a SAHM Mom who in reality needed to escape and wouldn't be tied down to a baby.

So my personal belief is that babies should be fed, in whatever way works for the Mom. If your baby is being fed and happy, you are successful and should feel no guilt. I happen to nurse well but would supplement if I needed it.

You don't know what's really going on by all those nursing preachers. I'm not saying some aren't really properly taking care of their babies and exclusively nursing, but I can tell you what it looked like from my perspective.

mille

Tue, Jun 28 2016, 1:25 pm

TOTALLY agree with a previous poster: FED IS BEST.

As long as your baby is receiving food appropriate for age (as in regulated formula or breastmilk, and potentially solids when old enough/ready) - that is great! Breast or bottle, makes very little difference in the long run. Many benefits of breastmilk are extremely overstated by LLL and similar breastfeeding advocates, when we are talking about a 1st world country with clean water.

This is from someone who has exclusively breastfed for 4 months. Maybe 5 bottles total, almost all breast. I love breastfeeding and it's working out well for us, but if it weren't, she'd be getting formula in a heartbeat! I want her to be fed and healthy and happy. My personal notions about breastfeeding have nothing to do with that.

Get rid of the mommy guilt. It's ridiculous. Feed your kid however you feel will work for you and your family, and that's the end of it!

That said, if breastfeeding is important to you, you may want to consider seeing a lactation consultant. Most insurance plans cover some visits.

amother

Floralwhite

Tue, Jun 28 2016, 2:26 pm

gold21 wrote:

(I also give formula in hospital, as my colostrum does not seem to be very filling. Does not affect nursing at all, my babies have all taken to nursing like pros. BH.)

OT, but I have the opposite problem of the op. I would love to do what you do gold, but my current baby only goes for the boob. I would love to supplement sometimes but she cries when I try. I've tried different bottles and formulas. I starting giving solids at 5 months too just to help her not want to nurse non stop. Any advice??

PinkFridge

Tue, Jun 28 2016, 3:05 pm

amother wrote:

I would start a new thread.
I'm sure you'll get some solid input.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jun 28 2016, 3:21 pm

OP.

It sounds to me like you are doing an amazing job. I really admire your commitment.

Some women, for some reason, simply don't produce enough milk. Every baby is different, and your body changes over time. Some babies are more sensitive to what the mother eats, and some couldn't care less. Some babies need more comfort nursing, even when not hungry. The important thing is to make sure that your baby is gaining at the right rate.

I'm really big on nursing, but as others have said, stress on the mother and a crying baby is not a healthy way to go. If I were you (and I'm not, so take this with a grain of salt), I would nurse when I can, and supplement as much as your child wants. Maybe comfort nurse before bed, and slowly taper off if he seems happy with the bottle.

You have other children that need you too, and unless DH is willing to quit his job, magically find a way to provide income, and be a full time parent to the other kids, then I don't see how you can go on like this.

If you are worried about bonding, you can bottle feed skin to skin, sing to him, make lots of eye contact, and engage in floor time.

I was only able to nurse DD for 3 1/2 months, and had to supplement after that, so I understand completely how emotional this is for you. Bottom line, a happy mommy is what makes a happy baby, and an emotionally stable and attached child.

PinkFridge

Tue, Jun 28 2016, 3:56 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

:hug

I was only able to nurse DD for 3 1/2 months, and had to supplement after that, so I understand completely how emotional this is for you. Bottom line, a happy mommy is what makes a happy baby, and an emotionally stable and attached child.

That is amazing!
As for the rest of your post, I have a copy of The La Leche Handbook circa the early 80s and there's a whole chapter called "Other Mothering."
ETA in light of the post immediately after this: "Other mothering" as per the handbook was all about how we nurture even when we're not nursing, and we can still stay close and bonded.

Last edited by PinkFridge on Tue, Jun 28 2016, 4:07 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Wine

Tue, Jun 28 2016, 4:00 pm

gold21 wrote:

Some people worship breastmilk. Seriously.

If breastfeeding isnt working, make it work!

Do anything! Ignore all your other kids! Spend tons of money! Let your baby cry from hunger! Beat yourself up and feel like a loser!

All in the name of breastmilk. Lol

LLL is not like that, this is quite cruel and unnecessary to say that about an organization. They do amazing work with women who are struggling to breastfeed and want to. And when it doesn't work, they do advocate supplements and don't let your baby "cry from hunger" that is ludicrous to say. It is particularly insensitive as some women on here might be LLL leaders.

Lilac imamother, I am so sorry what you went through as a child.

gold21

Tue, Jun 28 2016, 4:13 pm

amother wrote:

Yes, they do amazing work.
They also pressure women. A lot.
Which is insensitive, in my view.

Queen6

Tue, Jun 28 2016, 9:09 pm

Breast feeding has tremendous benefits - nobody can deny that. However as a mother you need to remember that it's important to always look at the FULL picture, ALWAYS weigh out ALL the pros and cons. Just because something is considered good doesn't mean it's good for you, just because something was once good - doesn't mean it's ALWAYS good.
In your situation it sounds like there is to much negative to outweigh the positive - so the question you need to ask yourself is "Is the juice worth the squeeze?"
Also - something else to always keep in mind. These things are YOUR decision. Why does your husband, friends, mother, and sister in law have a say? Are they the one nursing?!

shooting star

Tue, Jun 28 2016, 9:33 pm

My exclusively breast fed son got very hungry around 4.5 months as he was extremely active and high energy. He was fighting me for solid food for weeks but I resisted thinking I had to make him wait. By five months I let him have some solids. It turned out he really needed the solids and was much happier after.

My daughter, however, was lower energy and not particularly interested in solids until about 7 months so every child is different.

Many paediatricians will say the recommended age to introduce solids is in fact 4-6 months (not over 6 months). Id recommended you to ask your doctor.

http://www.mayoclinic.org/heal.....46200

estibesty

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 12:15 am

Not every women makes good milk!!!! If your baby seems hungry after a feeding and is more pacified after a bottle of formula then if I can scream it loud enouph I would PLEASE PLEASE GIVE THE POOR HELPLESS BABY FORMULA!!!!!! Breast milk is healthy but babys need food to build brain cells and if they not get enough calories they not gonna be growing enouph! then formula
Is the healthier option. And mommy will be so at ease knowing baby is well fed!

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 11:30 am

It's hard to make generalizations about LLL. My LLL group had multiple leaders, and several women I know later became leaders. They are all different, and all have their own strengths and weaknesses. Some of the leaders I found to be (charitably described as) wacky, while others were more on my wavelength. Probably other women in the group had their own perceptions of the various leaders, at odds with my own. It helps to have more than one leader for the group, with different styles, to meet the needs of all the women seeking support.

gold21

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 11:46 am

amother wrote:

I personally have never felt pressurized by them nor witnessed them pressure other women.

Arent the lactation consultants in the hospital from LLL? Theyve definitely pressured me. Not nice to pressure an exhausted new mom who wants to supplement. Its my baby and my choice. They can educate but they cannot pressure or make judgemental comments.