Getting guests to reply if they are coming in timely manner

beth allen

Tue, Jul 05 2016, 7:31 am

How do I get Shabbos guests to let me know that they are coming within a reasonable amount of time(w/o being too pushy) so I can prepare and invite additional guests(limited dining room setting so I can't invite another family until I know if first one can come)?
-I often invite Sunday morning, but often have to contact guests again by Monday evening. By that time, if I want to invite another family, which would be a good match for first family , they are often not available.If I invite the Thursday before(1 week before Shabbos), people ask me why I am inviting so early.Or, they forget they I invited them!I feel like people assume that THEY know they have plans (BUT, I don't know) and will get around to responding, but it delays my preparations and ability to invite others.
-How do I gently ask if all there children are coming? Do I ask when they reply "yes"? Sometimes people don't know earlier in week if their children have lunch dates or if older ,going away for Shabbos. have had situations where family has 4 children, only 1 showed up. when family arrived, mom said that 2 kids were away for Shabbos and on way home from shul someone asked her son to come for lunch. I understand the last minute invite, but what about the other 2 children? this happens often where I prepare special kid's food, have age appropriate games available, and set places for them (which could be used for other guests).
I HOPE PEOPLE READ THIS AND REPLY TO INVITES ASAP(INCLUDES WEDDINGS/BAR MITZVAHS,ETC.)

abound

Tue, Jul 05 2016, 8:00 am

People with kids often don't run their lives in such a scheduled manner. I do not do invites till Wednesday....... I think inviting by Sunday, then when you are inviting you just say, please let me know by Monday evening or Tuesday morning, expecting a reply before that is too much.

cnc

Tue, Jul 05 2016, 8:01 am

Im response to your first point, I think Sunday/Monday is a little early to expect an answer. I host very often and usually expect an answer by Wednesday. I'm even fine with an answer on Thursday as that's when I do the bulk of my preparation and shopping.

When I accept an invite and my entire family will not be joining I definitely make that clear to the host!

AlwaysThinking

Tue, Jul 05 2016, 9:00 am

I also agree that Wednesday is more normal for an invite/response.

However, I agree with you that it would be nice to know earlier. I love to plan and organize and have everything ready earlier, but I know not everyone works the same way. Most invites we'e had were actually given on a Thursday evening - by then my meat is already defrosted for shabbos etc. although I'm usually happy to get an invite anyway!

Tue, Jul 05 2016, 9:31 am

OP, I hear you. My friends and I like to make our plans at least a week in advance, often much farther (especially for Yom Tov). There's an occasional last-minute get-together, but it isn't practical as a regular thing.

If you are an advance-planner and are inviting last-minute people, politely let them know that you need a head count by a certain day, and let them know that you will call and check in to follow-up then. Just say it nicely, and don't let the exasperation show in your voice. Smile when you talk - even on the phone - and everything sounds friendlier.

Kids often go to each others' houses at the last minute, and that's ok. It's often more fun for them to do this than to sit at the table with their parents' friends. When you confirm the invitation, ask how many children are expected.

Rutabaga

Tue, Jul 05 2016, 12:51 pm

You have to go with the flow of your neighborhood.

Around my area, people invite the week before and if I call the week of then people usually already have plans. I like to know if I'm having company in advance because that gives me time to prepare ahead so the end of my week is not so stressful.

In places where they don't invite so far in advance you'll be considered weird or uptight for doing so. But a Wednesday invitation seems pretty late, especially if you usually do your shopping on Wednesdays.

I agree with the above poster who said to ask for a response by a certain day (whatever day works for you). And if you don't hear anything then you can politely nudge them for an answer since you forewarned them that you need to know.

Sometimes you have the "perfect" pairing of families in mind to have as guests but it doesn't end up working out because one family can't make it and the other family already accepted. This happens to me all the time, but even if you end up with an eclectic group it will almost always work out nicely and sometimes will be even better than what you had intended in the first place.

mille

Tue, Jul 05 2016, 1:01 pm

This might depend on your community. Often, monday is too late for many people! People invite very early here. On week in advance (sometimes 2 if they REALLY want a specific couple). I never get invited after Tuesday, and Tuesday is rare! If early invites are the norm in your community, maybe when you invite just gently remind them to answer promptly. You can say "I would really love to know if you can come by Monday night, because my week is very packed and I need to plan! Thanks!"