I am a control freak with my kids art projects

amother

Rose

Sun, Jul 10 2016, 12:39 pm

I am very artistic. I love art. I want my kids projects to come out nice. It is so hard for me to step back and let them do a age appropriate ugly project. My house is covered with my artwork. My kids beg me to hang theirs up as well. Our playroom is plastered floor to ceiling in their work, and I occasionally put up a exceptionally good on in the living room or on the fridge. I can't just do my own version next to them because they ask for help and want me to make theirs look nice. I tell them over and over "art doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be fun." and "don't copy mine and I won't copy yours. Art means doing your own ideas to make something you think is nice." But, time and time again I end up helping too much.
Same thing with cooking and baking--I should let them pour stuff and help more, but mostly they stand next to me and watch otherwise I end up yelling that they are spilling stuff. I feel so bad about this! They are kids and should be given the opportunity to explore, make mistakes, and get messy! I know that I love all that stuff for myself--goodness, you should see the mess I make with all my projects! (My kids are little--all under 7)

Dolly Welsh

Sun, Jul 10 2016, 1:09 pm

Do not touch somebody else's art project.

They are young. Just give the whole thing time.

You are not on the floor enough. Put some pillows down and go down to the land where there is no such thing as a mistake. The floor.

Just in general, if somebody is spilling something, the vessel they are pouring out of is too heavy for them to hold steadily. Let them pour, but silently put out a hand to support the vessel a little. Say nothing, except "good" or "good job". Or maybe give them vessels they can proudly handle with no help at all. Lighter vessels.

You may be bored. That is natural for this stage of raising children who are as young as yours are. It passes. This boredom may result in you taking it all too seriously.

greenfire

Sun, Jul 10 2016, 1:17 pm

art is well an art ... & if you help them in an ocd manner - well then all the art is yours & not theirs

my kiddies had a teacher that I couldn't help but notice all the artwork was always perfect - one daughter would come home and say "look what morah made" ~ now where's the fun in that ?!

FranticFrummie

Sun, Jul 10 2016, 1:20 pm

Was your art perfect when you were a child? Did the Wright brothers fly, without crashing a few airplanes first?

If you were constantly being told that you were "doing it wrong", would you be the artist you are today?

I am also an artist, and I tell DD and her friends that the only way you learn anything is if you make mistakes. Often, you learn how to do something better, and if you're lucky you'll learn how to make something incredibly cool that you didn't expect! (I once had resin react with raw brass, and it made the most eerie, halo effect around it. It was absolutely gorgeous and looked like opals.)

There is a time and a place for perfectionism, and childhood is not it! Let them explore, and maybe you'll learn a thing or two, yourself.

amother

Khaki

Sun, Jul 10 2016, 2:31 pm

OP, don't be so hard on yourself, it's your personality and that's okay! I did not enjoy or encourage my daughters in the kitchen because of the mess and now they are all married and cooking up a storm in their own homes. Very Happy

iluvy

Sun, Jul 10 2016, 4:22 pm

I have a very hard time not hovering over my children when they bake because I'm worried they will spill. What I do is leave the room. I just hand them the measuring cup and leave, because I know I won't be able to stop myself from making them crazy. And then I come back a second later, and they have almost never spilled Smile

FranticFrummie

Sun, Jul 10 2016, 4:29 pm

iluvy wrote:

Good for you for recognizing that you hover!

Kids are way more capable than we think they are, and when given a chance, they love to exceed our expectations. The confidence you are giving them now will stay with them for the rest of their lives. It's one of the greatest gifts you can give your children.

My DD has anxiety issues. I've always told her "I believe you can do this. If you get stuck, I'll be right over here. Just let me know." That gives her the freedom to do her best, but without her feeling abandoned and afraid to ask for help. Finding that balance has given her a real boost in tackling things.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Jul 10 2016, 4:33 pm

Here's an example. When DH and I first got married, he'd hover in the kitchen. He'd say things to me like "Be careful with that knife, don't cut yourself!" "Watch out, don't burn yourself!"

He's a shochet. I asked him, when you're on the stockyard floor, do the other guys yell out "Be careful!" when you're about to shecht a cow? shock

He got the message and left me alone. Nothing makes me more nervous and likely to make a mistake, than someone going "Be careful!" Mad

miri36

Sun, Jul 10 2016, 8:51 pm

It's hard being a perfectionist to not hover and want to fix and "correct". However, please don't harm their creativity, sense of self, exploration of the world. It will take a lot of guts but you don't want them to come away with the feeling that they'll never achieve because it's not "perfect".