Inappropriate websites

imasoftov

Wed, Jul 13 2016, 4:00 am

BasMelech120 wrote:

Honestly, most children/adolescents can benefit from a therapeutic relationship at some point in their life. If inappropriate web surfing is what got them into the office, I would take the time to explore their current life situation, evaluate if there is anything they are 'running away' from (and escaping to the inappropriate items to numb themselves), and - if the problem was indeed [filth] - I'd help them explore their understanding of their own s-xuality and what it means to them.
Assuming that the inappropriate content in this scenario is indeed [filth], one angle (once the client is ready to discuss this specific issue) would be to discuss the documented results of watching [filth]. Studies have shown that this practice desensitizes s-xual responses, miscontrues the understanding of relations, and has even shown to cause erectile dysfunction later on in life. It would also be helpful to explain to the child that intimate relations between a man and his wife are the cornerstone of their private life, and offer so much more than just physical pleasure; but by constantly engaging in [filth], the young mind starts associating this potentially beautiful act with confusion, guilt, isolation, and shame. Also, the [filth] industry is one that degrades the people inside of it, and the pain it causes the actors for years to come is not shown on the 3-300 minute clips. Although we might think that adolescent boys are not mature enough to hear these facts, they actually might very well be. Introducing them to the other side of the iPad, phone, computer, or tablet screen may shed some light on an issue that they do not know about. Discussing this might not make them quit [filth] entirely, but the open dialogue and wealth of information will certainly add another dimension the next time they have to make that web-surfing decision.

Another related issue within our communities is the lack of relations education. This has been discussed on other threads, but to sum it up: if the schools are not doing it, the parents should.

When you say what you would do, is that what you do at your job as a therapist, or that that is what you would do if you were one?

BasMelech120

Wed, Jul 13 2016, 2:25 pm

imasoftov wrote:

When you say what you would do, is that what you do at your job as a therapist, or that that is what you would do if you were one?

I'm saying that this is one part of working with an adolescent boy who is going through the afforementioned situation. A parent can have this conversation and a therapist can have this conversation; it depends on the child's relationship with either one.

Clarissa

Wed, Jul 13 2016, 2:50 pm

2016: Teenaged boy with raging hormones, checking out things online.

2016: Parents confront him, which can be humiliating. Even in non-frum families, there's shame and embarrassment about s*xual expression in teens.

2016: Parents send kid to therapist. More embarrassment, no doubt. Not that therapy is bad, but if this is what sends a kid to therapy...

2019: Kid gets married.

2019: We see yet another thread on Imamother where a young bride says her husband seems uncomfortable and even repulsed by s*x and the female body.

imasoftov

Wed, Jul 13 2016, 5:02 pm

cm wrote:

I'm not the previous poster, but I think the question was: "are you a therapist?"

I suppose what I really want to know is, is BasMelech120's post about what she would do a description of what she would like therapists to do, or of what (some?) therapists actually do? Her being a therapist herself would be one way to be able to speak about what they do but there are other possibilities.