My 5 year old can't control himself

baschabad

Sun, Jun 26 2016, 5:40 pm

I don't know how to describe this issue. Is he lacking conscience? Does he just not think before he does?
Most importantly, is this normal?

He picked up a permanent marker today and colored all over the back door. Big black scrawling all over the door. He was casually going at it when I intercepted him and showed how shocked and upset I was. He wasn't even being naughty. He was very taken aback when I confronted him.
But he's not stupid. I don't need to explain to him that the market won't come off. And he was very sad when I scolded him.

Our walls are also full of his artwork. Sometimes he's just hyper and wild and will run around coloring on things.
He also throws things too casually. When I tell him that his turn on the phone is over, he'll actually throw it across the room. He'll throw matchbox cars at people that he gets angry at.

I don't even know how to address it. As I said, I don't have to explain to him how wrong it is. He just seems to be missing some inner switch that tells him not to do certain things.

Any experience or advice?

(He's my third kid out of five, so it's not like he's my only child, but my other kids do NOT act like this.)

greenfire

Sun, Jun 26 2016, 6:29 pm

I think at some point in every family's life - a kid or 7 have coloured on the walls ...

the thing is you can show him how to clean it and paint it - by helping you do so

secondly, get a nice large easel with all the stuff he needs to be creative on that & only that to humour the picasso in him

amother

Slategray

Sun, Jun 26 2016, 8:50 pm

For my ds (same age), he could articulate clearly what he _should_ be doing even though he didn't do it.
A psychiatrist and developmental pediatrician both used the word impulsive in their evaluations.
Medication has had a very positive impact on his behavior. Baruch Hashem.

mha3484

Sun, Jun 26 2016, 9:16 pm

My experience is the same as slate gray but we have had good experiences with OT, behavioral therapy and a cocktail of nutritional supplements. He also had fantastic teachers who happily implemented every plan and chart the therapist sent home. We are seeing progress bli ayin hara.

mommy3b2c

Sun, Jun 26 2016, 9:26 pm

Both my older sons colored on the walls for years, but the older one out grew such behaviors by six. My second son still colors occasionally, he also went through the throwing stage, and in general is a very impulsive child. I can really sympathize, it's hard. My son had a behavioral therapist in the past who wasn't to great, but we just started with someone new who is amazing. We are hoping to see some improvement. Btw, my son is extremely smart, he just can't seem to make the connections between actions and consequences.

alwaysquestions

Sun, Jun 26 2016, 11:02 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Sorry to go off topic. How Long did it take to see results from the behavior therapy?
Sorry for hijacking the thread.

amother

Ginger

Fri, Jul 01 2016, 5:07 am

This is definitely impulsivity. Some kids just have high impulsivity, but it is also likely it stems from underlying ADD or ADHD. Since your son is 5, it may be too early to get a formal ADD or ADHD diagnosis, and you may have to get him evaluated more than once. But early intervention works wonders for these things. I recommend having him evaluated by a pediatric neurologist to see if it could be ADD or if it might be something else. If it's just behavioral, get him some behavior therapy. It could also be a sensory issue, a neurologist can pick up on that as well, and then he can get OT to help him.

imasinger

Fri, Jul 01 2016, 6:11 am

I don't think that 5 is too early to evaluate.

Look in your library for books on parenting kids with impulsivity issues. I particularly like "The Nurtured Heart Approach."

Here are a few interim suggestions.

Hide the permanent markers, tbe scissors, anything else that can be misused.

It might be helpful to get him to make a list with you (use pictures if he is not reading yet) of activities that are permitted.

For example:

"Things I can do When I am bored:

Color on PAPER with crayons or MY markers.

Build with put-together toys.

Sing a song.

Play with my cars.

Look at a book.

Throw a soft ball into a hoop or empty trash basket.

Spread out blantets on chairs and make a pillow fort, or an obstacle course.

Ask an adult for more ideas. "

The throwing seems to be related to frustration -- at having to stop on tbe phone, at other people when he is mad. You can help him by providing clear visual warnings -- a sign that says 3 more minutes of desired activity, for instance. Have hm verbally acknowledg the notice. If that doesn't work, you can add power by reminding him at the beginning of his turn that he is expected to give it back nicely when the time is up. (Screen time may be especially challenging and especially desirable for kids with impulse control issues.) When he takes out the cars, remind him that he needs to play safely with them, and that if he gets mad, he can hit a pillow, but never throw things at people.

Hatzlacha!

amother

Beige

Fri, Jul 01 2016, 7:49 am

amother wrote:

They actually can diagnose at 5, though generally won't recommend medication at this age. My son was formally diagnosed with ADHD 2 months before turning 5. He doesn't have impulsivity, just inattentiveness, but even before 5, they were able to tell that his attention span was well below normal even for such a young child. They don't recommend meds so young, but it's still useful information for us and for his teachers so we can use other techniques.

amother

Ginger

Fri, Jul 01 2016, 8:10 am

amother wrote:

The reason I mentioned he may not be able to be diagnosed at 5, is because of my own personal experience with ADHD. I was evaluated at 5 or 6 (sometime before first grade, possibly even a year before), and they said I was fine. I had the most miserable year in 1st grade, and they re-evaluated me at age 7 (after 1st grade), and only then could they diagnose me with ADHD (and then things got much better!).

I do agree that it's worth it to get your child an evaluation at age 5 - sometimes they can diagnose it then. But other times, they miss it at age 5, and that doesn't mean that your child doesn't have ADHD, and it's worth it to get the child re-evaluated every again every year until 2nd grade (if they make it through 1st grade without problems, it's often not ADHD). My point is that just because the evaluation at age 5 is clear, doesn't mean you should decide that's the final answer.

Good luck. And don't stress too much about ADHD - you can have it well-managed and be happy and successful (like me Wink

)

FranticFrummie

Fri, Jul 01 2016, 8:25 am

Disclaimer: I am NOT saying you should do this! I am not a doctor.

My sister's oldest boy was seriously impulsive, to the point of being a danger to himself and others, but no one would diagnose him at age 5. One day he got into the fridge and drank one of his dad's energy drinks (the kind with TONS of caffeine in it.) He ended up having a great day! My sister was curious, so she let him have one at breakfast the next morning, and after school she got a call from the teacher saying that he did really well (for once.)

From then on, until he was old enough to get proper medication, Red Bull was part of his morning routine. She wasn't proud of it, but she was desperate enough to do anything to make life better.

sped

Tue, Jul 19 2016, 2:52 pm

I just want to point out that today the diagnosis is being made earlier and medication can be started as early as 4 years old. According to the research out today, the difference - in the long term- between children who started treatment earlier vs later is enough to warrant earlier intervention.

mha3484

Tue, Jul 19 2016, 3:02 pm

You really want to see a competent Neurologist or Psychiatrist. I took DS who is 5 1/2 to a Neuro who sees ADHD patients 90% of her day to talk about meds and she made a recommendation for something I had never heard of before due to his age and symptoms. She was loathe to prescribe a stimulant at this stage.

Wed, Jul 20 2016, 2:50 am

When you were diagnosed, I believe at least 20 years ago, technology wasn't the way it is today. And yes, caffeine is a stimulant, which changes the brain chemistry. For some it causes increased activity, for others decreased activity. Psychiatry today uses it and controls medication with this information. For some, like for the kid that the doctor advised it to, it's perfectly safe. It pays to give it a try.