S/o: mother's who left israel...

amother

Bisque

Mon, Jul 25 2016, 5:03 am

Quote:

I write this with very mixed feelings.

I've been living in Eretz Yisrael for over 10 years. We initially moved because of my husband - for years, he'd wanted to make his home in EY, and I was willing to try to make it work (through I made it very clear while dating that I was not committing, and that we would move back if I wanted).
On the one hand, I feel privileged to live here - I know that every step I take on this ground has incalculable merit. I know there is no other place on Earth as conducive to holiness and G-dliness. I know that the yiras shamayim of the average person here on the street is probably significantly greater than in other communities. On the other hand, I've been feeling increasingly uncomfortable with many aspects of living here. The main issues for me are:

1- Chareidi society and the polarization of general society. While we self-identify here as "charedim" and would be considered "yeshivish but worldly" by most people, there are so many things about chareidi society that bother me tremendously (e.g. lack of secular education for boys, one-size-fits-all chinuch, lack of middos and poor bein adam l'chaveiro, schools that are run less than professionally, safety issues, attitude towards chilonim and soldiers).

2 - Missing family. I am the only one of my siblings here and both sets of grandparents live abroad. As the years go by I find myself getting increasingly emotional at the thought of my children not knowing their cousins well, not seeing their grandparents often etc. I thought it would get easier as my family grew but I think the opposite has happened. As I get older and wiser I am realizing just how significant family support and closeness is. The thought of my parents growing old without me to support them, the thought of missing so many family simchos, the thought of never being able to go to my parents for Shabbos when I've had such a tiring, trying week...all these things make me feel so sad.

I am seriously considering moving back to the States for these reasons. My main concern about the move is parnassah: here, my husband's freelance work (he's an IT professional) along with my part-time work is enough to support our family. In the states, it wouldn't. He'd have to get a lot more clients, fast, or else find a 9-5 job, which is really not suited to his personality. Poor parnassah can strain shalom bayis tremendously, and I'm worried about that. On the other hand, it would only get more difficult the longer I wait to make this big change. I don't want to feel "trapped" here after 20 years, and then stew in resentment.

My husband would be very sad to leave EY, but he would do it if I felt strongly. I'd have to be careful to find a community and setup where he'd be comfortable - I don't want him to feel resentful either.

My question is: if you moved from EY to the States, do you regret your move? Are you happy you made the move? What would you have done differently? What should I know before making such a critical decision? Am I naive, romanticizing the joy and value of living close to family? Will the drawbacks outweigh the benefits?

Imamothers in EY: please don't bash me for considering leaving EY. I love this land with all my heart - I wouldn't have been able to make it here 10 years if I didn't - but I'm just not sure that living here is the best decision for me and my family.

Thanks for reading this long post, and thanks in advance for your insights.

I was wondering what you decided op of the quote above. I've been thinking about you since I read your post originally. I have also been here close to 8 years now, and I really feel exactly the same way as you. I really could have written your post.

Did you end up moving back? Did you move to a different community? I know so many people who struggle with this in my community. It's a real struggle and I struggle with it every day. I'm tired of struggling and I want to make a decision of where I'm going to settle (just recently saved enough money to start looking to buy, so now the question is do we stay in EY or do we move back)

Please update! (or anyone else in a similar situation if you could shed some light!)

amother

Saddlebrown

Mon, Jul 25 2016, 8:14 am

Original op and anyone here remember that you never know how things will be you can't plan everything. Life isn't predictable. I'm not saying don't do it. Hundreds of people move oversees. Just so you keep it in mind that when you make changes as big as this remember what your reason is when things disappoint you. I moved but it wasn't oversees. And I had major shockers I would never have foreseen. It's something that impacts my life and something I made peace with. I look at the reason I moved and the stuff that that I do have and it makes me think I did right. I can't be specific I hope you understand. For example if I would say I did it for my kids? Then yes it was good idea. And I know I did the right thing. For you it's family you miss and that might be a good reason. I can't help you make this decision bec I never did this

amother

Bisque

Mon, Jul 25 2016, 8:39 am

periwinkle- good to hear you are happy so far, I hope that continues.
Can I ask where you moved to (You don't have to answer that!)

amother after that (forgot your color)- Of course things are unpredictable, that's why it's so scary! I seriously have this inner turmoil of not knowing what to do. We love living in EY and didn't think twice about it all these years. We were "for sure staying". But my oldest is going to be in first grade next year and we want to buy already (while we still have the savings!) I'm not thrilled with the local schools, so we are moving the question is where to (we have been looking seriously to buy in other neighborhoods, but haven't found something that suits our needs).
I feel like I should move back to america, but I have the same hesitations as the op I quoted.

It's SUCH a big move, I don't want to make the wrong choice.