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Forum -> Parenting our children
Would you keep this sitter?



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amother
Copper


 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 8:05 pm
You have a wonderful, loving sitter caring for your children. They love her and she takes excellent care of them and respects your parenting philosophy. One day, one of the kids suffers a common childhood injury while engaging in an age appropriate activity. It was a freak accident and the same thing would have happened had it been you or DH in charge. Does this warrant finding a new sitter?
I'm having this argument with someone else. This is not my sitter, nor her sitter, but it recently came up on a mom forum we're both part of and we were discussing IRL.
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groisamomma




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 8:07 pm
If the story happened the way you described it and she was responsible in dealing with it then I would keep her.
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amother
Seagreen


 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 8:22 pm
What's the logic on the side to get rid of the sitter and replace her?
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dooby




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 8:27 pm
replace her ...and the husband! Rolling Eyes
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amother
Copper


 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 8:33 pm
Cool, I'm not crazy! My friend is arguing that the sitter failed in her job. My argument is, a parent could just as easily fail the same way. One of my kids broke a bone on DH's watch, it was a freak accident, the kid wasn't doing anything out of line and DH was watching him. Should I have fired DH? Same thing would have happened if I'd been there. We do our best, but no one, no matter how conscientious, can prevent every possible scenario.
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amother
Seagreen


 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 9:16 pm
amother wrote:
Cool, I'm not crazy! My friend is arguing that the sitter failed in her job. My argument is, a parent could just as easily fail the same way. One of my kids broke a bone on DH's watch, it was a freak accident, the kid wasn't doing anything out of line and DH was watching him. Should I have fired DH? Same thing would have happened if I'd been there. We do our best, but no one, no matter how conscientious, can prevent every possible scenario.



And what's your friends argument? How did the sitter fail?
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 9:18 pm
Then she probably failed at being a mom too. Kids are kids. Things happen. They can happen by her and her sitter too.
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amother
Copper


 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 9:25 pm
amother wrote:
And what's your friends argument? How did the sitter fail?


Basically she expects her kids to be "safe and whole" at the end of the day. I kept saying, do you expect that same standard of yourself? Should your kids be taken away if someone has a freak accident on your watch?
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amother
Tangerine


 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 9:42 pm
I had a similar situation when my oldest was an infant. As I was getting ready to leave work I got a text from my sitter saying "your baby fell and hit his head, it sounded hard..." When I came home maybe 10 minutes later I found he had a massive contusion on the back of his head. When I asked her what had happened, she couldn't tell me. I took him to the pediatrician who said it was possible he may have a concussion and told me what to do. This had happened shortly before pesach, at that point I told her that after pesach I would be finding another sitter. My problem wasn't that he got hurt, rather that she couldn't tell me what had happened. A young child can get hurt on anyone's watch, but I was paying a babysitter to watch him privately in my house, and she couldn't even tell me what happened which implied she wasn't really watching him. If she had been able to tell me what had happened the whole situation would not have been anywhere near as upsetting to me!
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Miri7




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 11:41 pm
amother wrote:
I had a similar situation when my oldest was an infant. As I was getting ready to leave work I got a text from my sitter saying "your baby fell and hit his head, it sounded hard..." When I came home maybe 10 minutes later I found he had a massive contusion on the back of his head. When I asked her what had happened, she couldn't tell me. I took him to the pediatrician who said it was possible he may have a concussion and told me what to do. This had happened shortly before pesach, at that point I told her that after pesach I would be finding another sitter. My problem wasn't that he got hurt, rather that she couldn't tell me what had happened. A young child can get hurt on anyone's watch, but I was paying a babysitter to watch him privately in my house, and she couldn't even tell me what happened which implied she wasn't really watching him. If she had been able to tell me what had happened the whole situation would not have been anywhere near as upsetting to me!


I agree with Tangerine. I would immediately fire the sitter who could it offer a good explanation for the accident. But my kids have gotten the normal bumps and scrapes with sitters and so long as it sounds like something that would have happened on my watch, too, then I don't fret about it.

When they are infants and should be more protected I don't expect to see any injuries. Once they're toddling around or even trying to crawl or stand they will get slightly banged up even with the best parenting or care.
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HonesttoGod




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 29 2016, 11:04 am
My son fell and bruised his knee really badly. When I was RIGHT there. As in he was two steps away from me.

The next day the nanny took him to the park, he was on his scooter and fell. Two steps away from her. He bruised up his chin and busted his lip.
She notified me immediately, she cleaned it and put a band aid on it.

My old babysitter once called me in hysterics that my baby had climbed onto a stroller and tipped it, cutting his eyebrow and bleeding a lot. She called hatzalah and sent me pictures told me I can come and get him if I want, she felt awful, she kept apologizing and I told her it is REALLY fine.

Of course I am upset my baby is hurt especially if I am not there but it could happen when I am there too. If they are responsible about it, take control and make good decisions (ie notify parent etc) Why would I fire her?!

People expect way too much from their nannies/babysitters. She is human. As it is she is probably giving more attention to our kid than we would be able to at that moment, an accident is an accident.

The following are some things on my contract for my nanny as terms for immediate end of job:
- over use of cell phone around my kids
- endangering my kids life (taking them in a car without seat belts, taking them to a dangerous place, leaving dangerous things around them, feeding them foods they are allergic to etc).
- Talking/using cell whilst driving
- Abusive behavior such as hitting, pushing or shaking my child
- Not adhering to a previously issued warning (such as do not give my kid x)
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amother
Forestgreen


 

Post Fri, Jul 29 2016, 1:48 pm
amother wrote:
You have a wonderful, loving sitter caring for your children. They love her and she takes excellent care of them and respects your parenting philosophy. One day, one of the kids suffers a common childhood injury while engaging in an age appropriate activity. It was a freak accident and the same thing would have happened had it been you or DH in charge. Does this warrant finding a new sitter?
I'm having this argument with someone else. This is not my sitter, nor her sitter, but it recently came up on a mom forum we're both part of and we were discussing IRL.


My kid had a childhood injury last week while with me. Should we get rid of me as a mother?
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 29 2016, 1:53 pm
My child broke a wrist in two places, falling off one of those tiny, low chairs they had in playgroup. Yes, this was a licensed, legal daycare in Lakewood. Some children are super talented.

I think anything can happen. As long as the caregiver is upfront and responsible, I don't think they failed at their job.
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Rutabaga




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 29 2016, 2:07 pm
I've never had a nanny or a long term babysitter so feel free to discount my opinion.

Of course I would prefer that my children not get injured, but life happens. I would much rather have someone watching my children who can calmly deal with an emergency than someone who gets flustered and can't cope. The only way to know for sure how a person will react in such a situation is to actually be in one. So I think I would prefer a babysitter who was usually responsible and responsive and had one incident that she owned up to and dealt with appropriately than start with someone new.
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studying_torah




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 29 2016, 2:25 pm
My babysitter would drive me crazy, she never cleaned the kids cuts no matter how many times I told her. They'd come inside hours later with a bandaid over a filthy cut.
That is not acceptable.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 29 2016, 2:31 pm
amother wrote:
Basically she expects her kids to be "safe and whole" at the end of the day. I kept saying, do you expect that same standard of yourself? Should your kids be taken away if someone has a freak accident on your watch?


I don't think I'd want to be your friend's children's sitter.
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sky




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 29 2016, 2:54 pm
If I had a "loving Wonder babysitter" I would not get rid of them for a childhood injury.
They are so hard to find.

My daughter tripped on the cover a Rubbermaid toy box and fell on a carpeted floor and fractured her wrist - I was sitting 2" from her with another adult actively playing with the kids. These things happen.

Should I get fired as a mother?
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