My 4 year old is too attached to me

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers

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Beingreal

Sun, Jul 31 2016, 1:03 pm

I love my 4 year old to pieces but days like today when it's Sunday, he only wants to be near me and wants me to play. I'm trying to get him his own independence and have him play by himself or with his younger brother. He doesn't like having friends over....am I wrong for telling him to play by himself?

amother

White

Sun, Jul 31 2016, 1:15 pm

More info needed. When he is with you, how do you normally spend the time? Is he watching you other things or are you actively playing on the floor with him? Do you work during the week? Does he have siblings and a present father? Is he in camp? Does he have friends in school/camp?

Generally, kids get clingy when their physical and emotional needs aren't being met (not enough hugs or focused time). This can even be the case years later--if he wasn't held enough as an infant, he can get clingy as a child.

anonymrs

Sun, Jul 31 2016, 1:23 pm

If he feels like he isn't getting enough attention, he will get more clingy. Sometimes, if you are consistent about giving the child 10-20 minutes of undivided attention (no phone, other kids, cooking dinner, etc.) daily or almost daily, the clinginess will naturally decrease.

And some kids, no matter how much attention they get, it's never enough. But making a child feel like you are pushing him away is never a good idea. Better to just let him tag along with you whatever you're doing.

Beingreal

Sun, Jul 31 2016, 1:23 pm

Op here. I'm 6 months pregnant and can't be on the floor that much, but this has been before I became pregnant. I play with him a lot and read him lots of books. I don't work now since I teach during the year. He has one younger sibling who he plays with and he is in camp. He wanted a friend to come but he wasn't home. My dh works long hours and doesn't spend enough time with them. I held him alot when he was a baby so I don't think that's an issue.

amother

Mustard

Sun, Jul 31 2016, 3:20 pm

It could be he doesn't know how to play himself. - my 5 yr old is like that
My 4 yr old can play himself for hours

Also :
I found that what mentioned above- giving him consistent special playtime with me daily for ten minutes helped a lot.
I should start that again
ETA - it should be child-led play not books. Look up about it.
Of possible exclusive time with him no interruptions.
Just follow his lead, imitate what he does / no questions/ positive descriptions /
Its ten minutes... And its really helpful

Even sitting on couch with you with his lego/ blocks / cars works

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