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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
Which school in five towns for my son with social issues?
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chayamiriam




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 31 2016, 10:34 pm
Good for you for trying to enhance his education! Trying to educate him is doing a good job as parents not pidgin holing in a system that is only geared toward one type of boy and one type of family. If you prepare your son he will thrive in a modern orthodox school like HALB ..this is a wonderful yeshiva that does not tolerate bullying and will work with the parents if they become aware of any sort of bad behavior !
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amother
Lavender


 

Post Sun, Jul 31 2016, 10:35 pm
what about a school like ynj? It's in NJ. I think it calls itself something like centrist orthodoxy.
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amother
Vermilion


 

Post Sun, Jul 31 2016, 10:42 pm
Its been awhile since my Boys were in Darchai. I would very much encourage you to see if you can get interview with Rabbi Bender if he still does that. I am surprised with the reaction you got there. When my boys were there they went out of their way for those with special needs and there were some Chasidishe boys there too. I would recomend you try again but not the same persone you spoke to.
I would also recomend South shore though dont know who you would talk to there.
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amother
Mustard


 

Post Sun, Jul 31 2016, 11:03 pm
If you are looking not too far from Brooklyn chasidish style I know people are happy with siach yitzchak in far Rockaway. It is not chasidish but has a lot of chasidish warmth and some of the kids are from chasidish background
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 12:14 am
My boys are at darchei now. They are certainly out of the box and require differentiation. My personal experience is where I felt like an individual although the school is so big! Hatzlacha!
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amother
Tangerine


 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 10:43 am
You owe it to yourself/your son to check out Darchei. If Rabbi Bender is able to take in Etheopian, Bucharian, Asian and other atypical Jewish boys and make them feel at home, there is no reason why your son would not feel comfortable there.
Please ignore the one poster who reports a bad experience. Rabbi Bender is famous for his inclusiveness and ahavas yisroel. I would be shocked if there wasn't more to her story that she isn't sharing.
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Maya




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 10:55 am
amother wrote:
You owe it to yourself/your son to check out Darchei. If Rabbi Bender is able to take in Etheopian, Bucharian, Asian and other atypical Jewish boys and make them feel at home, there is no reason why your son would not feel comfortable there.
Please ignore the one poster who reports a bad experience. Rabbi Bender is famous for his inclusiveness and ahavas yisroel. I would be shocked if there wasn't more to her story that she isn't sharing.

You're free to think whatever you want, but I just shared my impression of the school exactly as I saw it. I don't remember who gave us the tour, maybe it wasn't the rabbi you mention.

I did suggest that the OP wait to hear from those who send to the school and I'm glad to see that others do have positive experiences as I hope the OP can find a good place for her son.
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amother
Cyan


 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 11:33 am
I don't live in the 5 Towns but I have a son that is very smart and has social issues. It kind of goes hand in hand sometimes - they read a lot of books to pass the time and they become really smart but the social skills take some time to catch up. I have spent a lot of time and money working on this and by now B"H my son is much better. Also he has a very small class size (20 boys) that stay the same from year to year so it's easier for him to get used to the boys and his role in the class. Good luck!
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amother
Lime


 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 7:56 pm
Guess I'll take a school tour of each place to see which option would be best for us
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chanar




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 9:14 pm
My boys are in Darchei. If you specifically wants a small school then I don't think this is for you. However, rabbi yaakov bender is a king when it comes to inclusion. There are boys in Darchei who come from so many backgrounds. There are boys with long peyos, boys who are deaf, blind, who come from lubavitch background, litvish, in wheelchairs. You name it. They are loved and respected. Walk around the campus. Notice the special needs boys who are helping out in the preschool classrooms, ask about the boys who had muscular dystrophy and who were helped and loved by his classmates in yeshiva Darchei torah!! Either way, Good luck with your decision! I am very happy there. Of course there are positives and negatives in every school but overall my kids are happy and are learning well! I know people are also very happy in south shore, a smaller very warm friendly school, and in siach yitzchok which has a more chassidish style.. You can also look at yeshiva ketana but I don't think it's easy to get into..
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ILOVELIFE




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 10:45 pm
I just want to echo the need to tour each place. While I don't have children in any of the aforementioned schools, I have toured Darchei for other reasons and it's the only school I saw true inclusion on the social scene as well as the academic scene. Rabbi Bender, who I am grateful to know for so many years, doesn't see anything other than a Jewish child in need of an education.

It's a huge place and yet when I called him about a little boy I was working with in a professional capacity.....he knew EVERYTHING and whatever he didn't know, he had the grade-level Menahel help me out with. He actually apologized to me "You know I'm not there by lunch (he is the Rosh Yeshiva not Menahel) so I can't tell you his eating habits" He apologized that he didn't know the eating habits of one of out of 1200+ students?!

I sent a chassidishe Bachur there at one point for his vocational Mesivta program and let me tell you that they don't just preach inclusion-- they do it.

Because I work with a lot of schools across the spectrum I can tell you that it is very important to hear from parents who are currently in the school and who can tell you what it's like. I am glad, Maya, that your child found the right fit but I don't believe that MO schools cross the board are inclusive. Some are. Some aren't. I had one place where inclusion meant you needed to wear brand names, have parents with certain type of education/careers and then some. It was an elitist MO place. Then, I've visited some cozy MO schools where it's all family.

I do have a few formerly chassidish friends who have moved out to Staten Island and are happy with RJJ. I haven't been there, don't know the culture or the place-- just mentioning it as another possibility to tack onto the list for the anon poster who needed something close to the NY/NJ commute.

Lastly, I just want to add this: many principals are weary of taking a child who needs to adapt to a new culture. Some are weary of immigrant children as they wonder if the school has the right set-up for them. In a sense, children migrating from one culture to another are in a similar position. Many schools worry about the adjustment. Also, and this is more of an FYI not directed to anyone here, there have been some former-chassidish parents trying out a "litvish" school when really a MO school is a better fit. I know two litvish principals who will absolutely not accept families who are transitioning like that because they say that too often they are caught with a mis-match and rules are not followed or respected. I don't say I agree or disagree with them but I'm sharing the views I've heard from them.
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Maya




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 11:15 pm
Just to clarify:
I'm not sure who gave us the tour and answered our questions. It may or may not have been the rabbi you're all mentioning. I don't know.

Second, I wasn't commenting on all MO schools, just the particular one in that area that the OP is looking around in, as we did take a tour there. I never professed to speak for all MO schools.
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Maya




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 11:20 pm
It is my understanding that when a poster asks for information, one should offer honest and truthful accounts of one's experiences that are relevant to the OP's questions. That's what I did. Just because it doesn't match up to the experiences of others doesn't mean I am making it up. The OP should do her own research by going down to the schools and finding out what her own experiences will be like and draw conclusions from that.

Good luck.
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heidi




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 02 2016, 12:33 am
ILOVELIFE wrote:
Lastly, I just want to add this: many principals are weary of taking a child who needs to adapt to a new culture. Some are weary of immigrant children as they wonder if the school has the right set-up for them. In a sense, children migrating from one culture to another are in a similar position. Many schools worry about the adjustment. Also, and this is more of an FYI not directed to anyone here, there have been some former-chassidish parents trying out a "litvish" school when really a MO school is a better fit. I know two litvish principals who will absolutely not accept families who are transitioning like that because they say that too often they are caught with a mis-match and rules are not followed or respected. I don't say I agree or disagree with them but I'm sharing the views I've heard from them.


Are they tired? That's weary.
Wary means cautious.


Last edited by heidi on Tue, Aug 02 2016, 8:56 am; edited 1 time in total
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ILOVELIFE




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 02 2016, 12:35 am
LOL Heidi. I am weary. They are wary.
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amother
Bronze


 

Post Sun, Jan 15 2017, 11:58 am
amother wrote:
We are moving to the five towns. My boys are currently in a chassidic yeshiva and I'm wondering which yeshiva would be the best fit for us. I'm hearing such conflicting reviews!

My oldest has some social/ behavioral issues but is not on medication. Is it true that Darchei puts kids with issues on meds?

Who would be most understanding and help my kids adjust to a new culture?

Any info would be greatly appreciated.



So op, I hope your move to the 5towns was a success! Did you enroll them at a local yeshiva or are they traveling elsewhere? I'd love to hear how this story concluded.....
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