Arranged (TV Show)

amother

Cerise

Mon, Jun 27 2016, 9:17 pm

amother wrote:

This continues to be humiliating and infuriating!

To those defending: I don't hear anyone asking for them to portray everything as rosy, but at least as realistic. Niddah can be hard, for sure. But they're not saying that. They're making statements b'klal that "half your marriage is spent emotionally distant" instead of something like "it can be really hard to be close emotionally when you can't touch." Show separate beds, fine (though for the life of me I can't imagine why any couple with any sense of dignity would sign up for a show like this in the first place, showing their bedroom or not), but show the husband making a bed of pillows... on the floor... in another room... and saying goodnight to his wife as she goes to another room to sleep... in the apartment that is supposedly their home? That is not "oh we're unexpectedly niddah while traveling and need to scramble for a futon or air mattress or couch." Ridiculous.

It's also interesting (and sad) to note the portrayal of this couple/Jewish customs compared to the other couples and their respective cultures.

When the Texas woman swears and acts controlling and crazy, it's very much seen as "that's her and that's her problem" not "all Texas women are like that." When Ben is asking Vicky to cut down on phone and social media posting, it's because he's controlling and enforcing Jewish standards of modesty. It's a Jewish thing, not a Ben thing.

When the Indian couple had the family lohri (sp?) ceremony, it was presented as a nice family time and a cultural tradition for marking new beginnings that enhances the lives of its participants. Jewish customs are presented through the lens of "look at these freaks and what they do. It's so weird and affects their lives so negatively"

And the BC heter... another flagrant breach of tznius, but fine, discuss your intimate life on TV if you wish. But making statements like, "If the rabbi says we have to have children now it would be devastating to us"
Like the rabbi is the pope making some kind of infallible decree? Like the emotional impact of a psak is not taken into account when a rav is paskening? I am not part of the MO world, but give me a break that educated, grew up secular, seemingly very to the left-MO people are blindly following the commands of a rabbi like this or that that is how MO rabbis pasken.

I can't even.

It may be humiliating, but it is reality. Of course it's hard to be emotionally connected when not touching in nidda. And, yeah, if you're not always pregnant or nursing clean it will be half your life until you're in your 40s. Would you rather out show them touching and sharing a bed? If we look crazy, it's only because are.

And yes, many card carrying MO seek a bc heter. Haven't you seen the threads here? And yes, many known MO rabbonim do not like to give a heter for more than 1 year, if that, for childless newlyweds regardless of age. They feel that if you can get married in college and live off your parents (like Vicki and Ben) you can live off your parents with a kid too.

None of what I've seen is crazy, except sleeping on the floor. The couch would have been totally normal. Sorry, but it all rings true. Like someone said above, it's not a by play where everyone has to be perfect and happy, and it's not kiruv propaganda showing only the cool parts while ignoring the rest. It actually shows real life.

Just be happy they didn't show Ben discussing bc methods on camera.

chavamom

Mon, Jun 27 2016, 9:27 pm

You know what I think? This poor girl who is being victimized by the yentas of imamother.

cnc

Mon, Jun 27 2016, 9:31 pm

chavamom wrote:

You know what I think? This poor girl who is being victimized by the yentas of imamother.

As I said previously I don't watch the show.
But by appearing on TV isn't she putting herself out there to be discussed and analyzed?

Why is this any different than the threads on the Bachelorette ?
(Maybe it's different because hilchos lashon hora apply...)

amother

Coral

Mon, Jun 27 2016, 9:35 pm

My critique is of the portrayal of Judaism (orthodox in particular) on the show and the responsible parties' (producer and couple) obligations to a) the truth and b) their community aka all of us. Personally, I wish them only good, but I think their public decisions stink. I think that's fair given their choice to be on national television. My beef is with the show, not them as people chv"s.

chavamom

Mon, Jun 27 2016, 9:49 pm

cnc wrote:

You ladies have been vicious. Pretty sure there is no heter for that. And honestly? I think some of you need a reality check into what is a "chilul Hashem".

cnc

Mon, Jun 27 2016, 9:53 pm

chavamom wrote:

You ladies have been vicious. Pretty sure there is no heter for that. And honestly? I think some of you need a reality check into what is a "chilul Hashem".

Again I have not watched the show and have not commented so I assume you mean the general you as opposed to me specifically.

I think that because the producer is a frum woman people expected the show to be a certain way and that's why they're coming across so strongly with their criticism.

pointyshoes

Tue, Jun 28 2016, 12:22 am

Technical question: they're arguing about finances on TV but isn't FYI paying them nicely for doing this??

israel22

Tue, Jun 28 2016, 12:33 am

pointyshoes wrote:

Technical question: they're arguing about finances on TV but isn't FYI paying them nicely for doing this??

most prob but they need drama and its a tv show sooooooooo yeah

and if your so bothered about how we are "victimizing" them I don't think its fair to have him go behind his wifes back to discuss bc where I come from we discuss it together its just one thing after another that makes judiasim look awful and that is not fair they cud pick other aspects yes nidda is hard but we have 2 beds I could go on and on and no I have not even seen the show just the little clips on you tube!

amother

Seafoam

Tue, Jun 28 2016, 12:51 am

amother wrote:

This is reality TV. It is entertainment, edited and scripted. It is not a documentary.

amother

Pink

Tue, Jun 28 2016, 6:46 am

I agree- it looked terrible that they just had a conversation where Vicki said she wanted to start having kids, and then Ben goes to ask his rabbi for a heter NOT to start having kids...without her even going with him! When my husband and I went to his Rav for bc heter, the Rav said we both must come together. Even if the whole thing is fake, why would they want to portray their marriage and religion as so depressing? I just don't get it.

debsey

Tue, Jun 28 2016, 4:00 pm

chavamom wrote:

You ladies have been vicious. Pretty sure there is no heter for that. And honestly? I think some of you need a reality check into what is a "chilul Hashem".

They are choosing to put themselves out there by being on a reality show. They are choosing to do so while portraying a lifestyle that many of us consider somewhat to completely representative of ourselves. And they (or the show's producers) have made some questionable choices as to how they are portraying that lifestyle. Obviously, people are going to have strong feelings, and I don't see why it's wrong to express them.

Are you aware that many minorities have think tanks devoted to combating negative stereotypes of their group in the media? There's a reason for that - people don't like being portrayed in a manner that is not representative of their reality.

If you don't want to criticized by "yentas" (as you put it in another post) then there's a simple solution -don't appear on a reality TV show and misrepresent a lifestyle many of those "yentas" hold dear.

pause

Wed, Jul 06 2016, 1:00 pm

So even the party in their apartment was fake?

amother

Pink

Wed, Jul 06 2016, 5:35 pm

If the party and everything their doing is is "fake" and just for the cameras, then why the heck can't they "fake" being normal, happy, and just pretend to get along? Why is everything a fight? Stop showing your stupidity to the world because your portraying Orthodox Jews terribly! What an embarrassment.

amother

Mauve

Wed, Jul 06 2016, 9:20 pm

I also know and understand it's fake but I CRINGE everytime they fight about money. embarrassed

Why did the producers (including the Jewish one??) have to make Ben portray the typical Jewish stereotype of being money obsessed and cheap?

amother

Seashell

Sun, Aug 07 2016, 4:34 pm

Whats with seadon 2? Taking so long to post next episode on fyi and even not on amazon for purchase