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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
Lkwd schools: Do people really do this to get in?



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amother
Violet


 

Post Thu, Aug 11 2016, 11:36 am
We have a child in a school that we're desperately looking to change. As we expected no one in any school office gives over our messages or returns call. Not even to tell us "Get lost. Under no circumstance will we accept your child."

Question is what to do. People we have spoken to that changed schools all seemed to have done an enormous amount of harassment and stalking of principals to get their child in. One person told me she went nightly to a certain menhals house and literally cried to him that he accept her son. Another person told me her husband sat outside the menhals house and office and begged him every time he went in or out. I have a few other such examples.

I understand that the schools really do not have room and that I am asking them for something they really don't want to do and have no obligations to do for me.

But the question remains is there any way for someone without pull to change their child's school? Do Lakewood principals really expect to be harassed, so we should do so despite our discomfort and feeling that too much harassment is counterproductive?

Please respond only if you have advice or an enlightening comment. Absolutely no Lakewood or school bashing please.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 11 2016, 11:40 am
I have heard that it's really tough to transfer from one school to another in lakewood. I don't think parking outside the Menahel's house will necessarily do the trick either. I know people who turned the tears on and didn't get anywhere. Literally, the schools are full and the staff is pressured, contributing to the difficulty.

What you need, OP, is someone who knows you and knows someone high up in the school you are targeting, who can facilitate a meeting between you and the school, to discuss the possibility of this transfer. It's the way to go, otherwise you will not get anywhere.
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amother
Lavender


 

Post Thu, Aug 11 2016, 12:49 pm
A friend of mine switched her daughters school. She spent the entire summer making phone calls and office visits, and having other people make calls for her as well. By the time school started the daughter still wasn't in a new school, so my friend kept her home. It took until after succos for a school to relent and accept the girl.
So it can be done, just need to be persistent and don't be coerced to sending back to the same school.
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studying_torah




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 11 2016, 12:56 pm
No advice, op I just want to give you hugs and chizzuk to try to do the best thing for your child!
Can you call the vaad, or the rabbi of your shul?
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debsey




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 11 2016, 2:58 pm
Yes, people do the things you mentioned.

Like Chayalle said, you need an askan or advocate to help you out. It can be done (I did it) but it's a really difficult thing to do.

Is there a therapist involved with your son who can help you? Sometimes a school will accept a child based on a therapist's recommendations and guarantee to work with the child once he's in.
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amother
Violet


 

Post Thu, Aug 11 2016, 3:25 pm
debsey wrote:
Yes, people do the things you mentioned.

Like Chayalle said, you need an askan or advocate to help you out. It can be done (I did it) but it's a really difficult thing to do.

Is there a therapist involved with your son who can help you? Sometimes a school will accept a child based on a therapist's recommendations and guarantee to work with the child once he's in.


OP here.

Yes. My son is involved with a therapist which makes me even more hesitant to push...

But to get back to your first sentence. This makes no sense to me. How does the principal view it?If I had some lady coming and crying by my house every night I can't imagine wanting her child in the school

My husband is nominally friends with one the the principals we are trying to deal with.My husband spoke to him more than once and got a very noncommittal "I'll try to help, I'll see if I can but I don't know if the school can accept any new students for his grade and the decision isn't only up to me" People are telling us don't let him get away with that.Just harass him.

The people telling us to harass the principals include some of our advocates.They told us "first you call five times a day etc. Then we can call"
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sky




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 11 2016, 4:07 pm
amother wrote:
OP here.

My husband is nominally friends with one the the principals we are trying to deal with.My husband spoke to him more than once and got a very noncommittal "I'll try to help, I'll see if I can but I don't know if the school can accept any new students for his grade and the decision isn't only up to me" People are telling us don't let him get away with that.Just harass him.

The people telling us to harass the principals include some of our advocates.They told us "first you call five times a day etc. Then we can call"


You do have to call often - without harassing.
Most of the time it is a typical line used to get people to just give up. Figure that besides for you there are dozens of people hounding the guy.

See if you can get your rav to call and other parents in the school (some are more willing to do this than others). Try to get them to hear your name as much as possible.

Hatzlacha.
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debsey




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 11 2016, 5:14 pm
amother wrote:
OP here.

Yes. My son is involved with a therapist which makes me even more hesitant to push...

But to get back to your first sentence. This makes no sense to me. How does the principal view it?If I had some lady coming and crying by my house every night I can't imagine wanting her child in the school



Just the opposite - a school is more willing to take on a case if they know someone professional is involved and will be dealing with the situation, not that a "problem" is being "dumped' on them (not that your DC is ch"v a problem, but you know what I mean)

In terms of my first sentence, sometimes the squeaky wheel gets the grease. And there are ways to be the squeaky wheel and not alienate people and ways to be the squeaky wheel and just be super-annoying. You can be much more of the "I hate to bother you, I am just trying to do what's best for my DC" type than the demanding, whining type.

I was very polite and very insistent when I changed DS's school. But I did get therapists, askanim and rabbanim involved. It was the only way. It was a really stressful time. And now I owe the new school principals, BIG time, and this is definitely something they take advantage of.
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Emotional




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 12 2016, 6:45 pm
debsey wrote:
And now I owe the new school principals, BIG time, and this is definitely something they take advantage of.

I'm currently trying to get my son into a school... when you say it's something the principals (of whichever school eventually accepts my son) definitely take advantage of, what exactly do you mean by that?
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imato5




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Aug 13 2016, 9:28 pm
when my son was in 2 grdade we wanted to switch him. It took 4 months of constant calling. we finally got him in. However, we did learn that a lot of it is political. Our sons menahel was once asked to do a favor for this other menahel. He didnt do it. The menahel held a grudge. so it wasnt working in our favor because of the past history of these 2 menahels.

good luck!!
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shacn




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Aug 13 2016, 11:11 pm
Really such a shame that a school system could be like this. No advice just hugs
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