Why do people give false invites?

amother

Puce

Thu, Aug 18 2016, 9:33 am

Again, why are you so determined to believe there was some kind of willful deceit involved? Let it go already. Reasonable possibilities have been offered. There was probably some sort of miscommunication involved. It happens, let it go. Or something came up and they forgot that they had to inform you. It happens, let it go. Or maybe they did in fact invite you but didn't really mean it, in which case you should let it go and just move on because what's the point of being friends with people who would do something like that.

watergirl

Thu, Aug 18 2016, 10:01 am

amother wrote:

I have no problem that they canceled. But one time we had an invite for a specific weekend and he person never confirmed and when we called them we got a machine. We were left hanging. We could have made arrangements to do something else. If something comes up or you don't want to have us just call up right away and say something. Don't make people wait till Wednesday or Thursday to find out you decided to go to Israel or Canada.
I picked visiting day because its hard to find rentals or hotel availability in the Catskills last minute.

This is why it sounded like you were using them. Did they initiate the invitation for that shabbos or did you?

The Happy Wife

Thu, Aug 18 2016, 10:18 am

I'm not inclined to assume people are making plans with intention of not keeping them. Some, like me, are very forgetful and would not remember about plans made a month ago. Especially if it's such a big, like coming from out of town, I would check with them sooner than the week before.

With the other situation, it sound like you confirmed plans with the wife the weekend before, and then then tried to confirm again towards the end of the week? If you already confirmed within a week I wouldn't think to check again.

Did you ask them what happened, that you though you had plans with them? Seems like you could clear it up very quickly.

amother

Blonde

Thu, Aug 18 2016, 10:49 am

Ive had it too. My husbands friend, one who made a big stink when we went to another friend before them, gave us an open ended invitation twice. Said "we'd love to have you for a shabbos just let us know when!" Well, as luck would have it each of those weeks were good for us. I think it's an odd time to give an open ended invite on a week that's not good but the first time my husband asked if that was a good week but it wasn't because they were making a kiddush for their daughter. Ok that's understandable. What I never got was the excuse he gave several months later after repeating the open ended invite. Apparently they were making her a second kiddush. I'm guessing they'd make several more if we ever asked again so we dropped it. It's a shame because my husband would love to spend shabbos with his friend but it's clearly not a sincere invite.

And all those bashing op seriously get a life. Not sure why you are so defensive unless you suspect she is talking about you. She is processing some hurt and that is ok.

amother

Papaya

Thu, Aug 18 2016, 6:33 pm

OP here
I feel like I'm on trial here. The person invited DH and asked him to pick the weekend. And he agreed to that specific weekend. If he decided to go on a honeymoon with his wife why could 't he have the decency to notify us right away? We did not ask to be invited. We did not invite ourself.
The other occasion my friend called us on a Thursday and asked us to come for Shabbos. I told her we had plans and she said please come another week. She went thru her calendar and told me which other weekend is good and I said no problem. We heard nothing from them in that time period so we decided to call them to see if the invite is still on. They never picked up the phone and never brought it up again.
And then you have those that say "I would love to have you and your family for shabbos" but actually never call to invite you for a specific shabbos.

amother

Papaya

Thu, Aug 18 2016, 8:56 pm

amother wrote:

And all those bashing op seriously get a life. Not sure why you are so defensive unless you suspect she is talking about you. She is processing some hurt and that is ok.

Thank you!