Please tell me I'm going to survive

amother

Azure

Thu, Aug 18 2016, 11:07 pm

amother wrote:

That they are being drawn more and more to secular influences. Things you always worked hard to keep out of your home.

I don't have teens yet but I know my parents didn't always approve of everything I did as a teen, and I'm sure yours didn't either. It's natural. If she's a bit to the left of you would that be so bad?

amother

Violet

Thu, Aug 18 2016, 11:11 pm

amother wrote:

When I was raising teens I spent a lot of time looking back at how my parents dealt with normal adolescent behavior and really learned how to temper my comments and think through a situation before just reacting. Empathy helps a great deal.

amother

Oak

Thu, Aug 18 2016, 11:11 pm

amother wrote:

No. Not at all. I don't know why I can't relax about it. It's just such a crazy world today, so different than when I was a teen, and so many more temptations, it freaks me out. Even though rationally I keep telling myself exactly what you just said. It does help to hear it from others. Smile

amother

Purple

Fri, Aug 19 2016, 12:59 am

amother wrote:

How do you keep from worrying endlessly about them, about their choices, especially when they go against those of your home? (Again, nothing horrific, but choices of entertainment, etc.)

Teenagers need to push against the rules. It's a vital part of their maturation process. So try to draw lines in places that make sense. And be prepared to defend your choices.

Teens have a very finely tuned hypocrisy meter. If you cheat in any area, they will pounce on the inconsistency. It can be very annoying when they don't recognize subtleties or necessary compromises, but again, normal for this stage. To gather strength to cut the apron strings, the have to believe that they are right.

A lot of parents get worked up that this generation has greater challenges than ever. It's not so. We have different challenges. And our kids have advantages that earlier generations didn't. It all balances out.

What will happen if your child listens to music you don't like? I think it's reasonable to say that they should not listen to music with violent or misogynist lyrics. Beyond that, I'd step back. Let them develop the internal filter that they need for life.

I don't choose what they eat at this age. I have nutritious options in the house, and also some junk. They can figure out on their own that eating half a cake at midnight is not a good idea. They probably have to try it just to see, but so what? If I controlled their food choices, I would be doing them a short term favor while doing long term harm.

This is what works for us.

I save the worrying for real stuff, like driving.