Can't Afford Cleaning Help

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Forum -> Household Management -> Cleaning & Laundry

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amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Aug 23 2016, 10:13 pm

... And I need it, so badly. I am slowly falling apart. I work full-time and dh does too. I have a few little ones who can help when it comes to tidying up but not real deep cleaning (like bathrooms). I keep hearing that cleaning help is so important when it comes to mental health because really, how thin can I be stretched? But at the end of the week there is not a penny to be had so making arrangements without a means to pay would be really irresponsible. I am, for the most part, a really neat and together person. There are some nights that I just don't sleep because I am finishing up with dirty dishes, laundry, cleaning the tub, etc. by the time everything gets done it's just too late. I can't really do anything while my kids are awake either. My mother lives close by but doesn't have the kids over a lot. Help me!! I can't turn a blind eye at the dirt anymore, it is literally making me crazy.

mummiedearest

Tue, Aug 23 2016, 10:15 pm

you can clean while the kids are awake. why can't they help clean the bathroom? you do the toilet, let them clean the tub and sink with baby shampoo and water. they'll have a blast. let them help wash child-safe dishes and scrub the counters with soap and water while you wash the dirty dishes in the sink. let them clean chairs and toys with baby wipes or damp rags. they can even mop the floor if you wring out the mop for them.

mommy3b2c

Tue, Aug 23 2016, 10:18 pm

Would it help your mental health if you could have a cleaning lady sometimes? Like once every two months for 3-4 hours?

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Aug 23 2016, 10:23 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

I could do that myself Wink

I mean cleaning that's a little more sophisticated- getting rid of cobwebs, dusting, folding laundry, polishing silver, washing out big pots, vacuuming on different floor levels, switching bed linens, scrubbing the shower and toilets, cleaning out the fridge and pantry, folding and putting away many loads of laundry, miscellaneous ironing, cleaning windows and mirrors, etc. (My youngest is 1 and he will pretty much ruin anyone's attempts to clean- not that there's much time between dinner/bathing/homework! But if I start, it usually is just not productive.)

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Aug 23 2016, 10:26 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Would it help your mental health if you could have a cleaning lady sometimes? Like once every two months for 3-4 hours?

Yes! But there is always something that comes up. I thought this month could work, but at the end of all of the school supplies, uniforms, shoes, books, I'll be lucky if I make it out not in the negative. Next month is Yom tov shopping- food and clothing. On the one hand, these are great problems to have! But I am just so overwhelmed, exhausted and worn out.

amother

Gold

Tue, Aug 23 2016, 10:36 pm

I needed to change my priorities. Silver, webs, unfolded laundry no longer bother me. It costed me an "almost " nervous breakdown to realize that I must change my mind set.
How's plastic dishes? Nothing will happen if the tub isn't scrubbed clean, linen is changed less often, etc.
These are some of what I let go of. Look around your house and choose what to let go of, and make a commitment to be ok with it.
Anon cz ppl may recognize what my username is. There's too many details.

mommy3b2c

Tue, Aug 23 2016, 10:36 pm

Are you in Brooklyn? If yes, you can pm me. I may be able to help you out.

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Aug 23 2016, 10:40 pm

amother wrote:

How do you do that?! I feel like I am losing my identity when I let everything go. I feel so at peace when things are clean and organized, and anxious and unnerved when they are not. I am also really nervous that not keeping up with things will only make it worse. I don't want bugs or rodents, ruined furniture or fixtures, moldy bathrooms... I think this is coming off extreme because hey, I have the freedom in an anonymous forum LOL

but really it's hard for me. Either way Sad

amother

Brunette

Tue, Aug 23 2016, 10:50 pm

I heard there are people that have funds for people that can't afford cleaning help - maybe someone on here knows the number

mummiedearest

Tue, Aug 23 2016, 11:08 pm

amother wrote:

I could do that myself Wink

I always folded laundry with my kids when they were little. give them the small things to fold, let them sit in the basket, make a game identifying colors, articles of clothing, owner of the article of clothing, etc. I also changed the bed linens with them in attendance. it takes a little longer, but it does get done. they love having me spread the sheets over them as if they're invisible. you can get rid of cobwebs with a broom while you're sweeping the floor. have them help you polish silver. they can use toothpaste instead of silver polish, it works well. they'll have a blast. I scrub big pots right after washing the regular dishes, so it doesn't change anything. the kids can be busy scrubbing your counters or small dishes while you work on the pots. they can help you dust, give them socks to wear like gloves. they can wipe down surfaces with the socks. scrubbing the shower and toilets can also happen with them in attendance. give them some washcloths and soap, let them scrub the part of the shower they can reach. cleaning out the fridge: take the shelves out and give them spray bottles with water. tell them to spray away. by the time they're done, any dried on gunk will be loosened enough to clean up easily. let them take as long as they want, it's fun. cleaning out the pantry: let them hold the garbage bags, have them identify what to throw out. cleaning windows and mirrors: they can totally do this. use a safe cleaner rather than harsh chemicals. I hear wet tea bags do a good job on glass. let them clean what they can reach, my kids loved to wash windows as toddlers. the only thing on your list I would not do with them is iron. you may have to let more things hang dry to prevent major wrinkling for while.

cleaning can get done as long as you let go of your idea of how to do them. and yes, even your one-yr-old can be helpful if you find a way to bring the chore to his level. if that means giving him scrubby knee pads to polish the floors while crawling, it's still getting done. rather than letting go of cleanliness and order, understand that you can get there a different way than you previously did. allowing your kids to do these things while small is going to encourage them to help out when they're older. it takes a while to get used to, but I suspect you'll enjoy the results once you do.

amother

Gold

Tue, Aug 23 2016, 11:41 pm

amother wrote:

but really it's hard for me. Either way Sad

The first one is as I said "it almost costed me a nervous breakdown. I almost lost my identity by being a busyhouse.
2- with little kids it wasn't possible to stay clean for long enough. As I was doing one thing, they managed to undo something else.
3- someone told me an interesting point. "Children don't remember how clean or dirty their home was, as adults they remember how much you loved and played with them ".
4 - do important things first. If you're too tired, then cleaning time is up. Go to bed. A rested woman can deal life's challenges much easier. Your sleep is what brings calm. Of course, it would be nice to have both, but if you need to choose, sleep comes first.

amother

Gold

Tue, Aug 23 2016, 11:53 pm

Mummirdearest, this amother comes home from work exhausted, obviously not ready to start her day all over again. I know she doesn't have to do everything in one day, but I believe after a day at work, serving supper, listening to kids and putting them to sleep, any of those chores are beyond thinkable. I wonder if you did it the way you wrote. If so, what was your trick? Maybe your blood type is O+. Not trying to be negative, just really, honestly finding a way to have both, a working mom, AND a clean house.

L K

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 12:24 am

Are there local high school girls that are available to help overworked mothers as part of their chesed program? I've heard some are actually really nice and treat you like a mentch.

mummiedearest

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 12:35 am

amother wrote:

of course those things are unthinkable after supper, homework, bed, etc following a day of work. however, they can be worked in while the kids are up, which was my point. for a woman who does not have the option to hire help and is truly bothered by letting things go, creativity is key. and yes, I did involve my kids in chores. I did not work outside the home when my kids were toddlers, though, and I know that this is a big factor in op's day. my husband never got home before bedtime during those years, and I did the cleaning. when given the choice, doing the chores more slowly with the kids during more wakeful hours beat out doing it quickly on my own, hands down. doing chores with the kids is actually a great way to bond with them, so if you're going to be spending time with them anyway, might as well get one chore in per day. even with kids helping, folding a load of laundry doesn't take more than a few minutes.

amother

Gold

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 1:14 am

It's veery obvious from your post that you didn't work with toddlers. Let me explain. I love a clean house too. I also love myself. A diligent worker comes home DONE. Period. With baby crying at night, there's the accumulated effect of little sleep. Have you tried it? I did. Staying home allows for nap during the day.
OP wants a clean house? Of course! ! Who doesn't? When kids come home, the amount they can help is limited, just like mom. An exhausted mom can even less be as active as needed to have the "staff" clean house now. If OP is ready, go ahead! ! Who cares? Obviously, she's not. If she wants to do one chore a day? מה טוב ומה נעים. OP is asking how to do something she feels she can't. So if the one chore a day doesn't get all housework done, even in the long run, should she be awake at night longer than her body can? I don't think so. Her body is giving her signals that it's been enough. This is where she needs to choose priorities. My point is "Listen to Your Body ". It's telling you something very important about yourself, and it's OP that needs to make educated decisions about what needs care when.

mummiedearest

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 10:42 am

amother wrote:

as far as I could tell, op's complaint involved the following:

1) lack of energy to complete the housework to her satisfaction after a full day of work and an evening of supper, homework, baths, bedtime for children.

2) lack of funds to pay for cleaning help, and an unwillingness to spend over budget (which I applaud).

3) a full schedule out of the house for both herself and her husband.

4) stress that the housework is not done to her satisfaction.

5) a statement that a number of chores cannot be done when her children are up.

The above list is actually pretty much shared by the majority of SAHMs I know, except 3 in most cases. In the cases in which 3 is not a complaint, the children are home all day and create mess constantly. So while the complaints are different, the issue is often shared. We've all dealt with little sleep due to crying babies at night, and many SAHMs don't nap during the day. I know I didn't.

So what is the solution? Many people say to let certain things go during this period in your life. That can be helpful in many ways and works for many people. The op does not want to do that. So I offered ways to get the things she wants done done. Doing it my way or by letting things go would both be a change for op, and I hope she's able to work out a solution. No one is saying she should stay up super late once the kids are abed. No one is saying she shouldn't listen to her body. What she should do is take the option that is most appealing to her and implement it. My own experience in terms of employment or lack thereof has nothing to do with my ability to give advice in this area. I have lots of experience in doing housework with little ones as helpers. I'm definitely qualified to contribute ideas. I wish op luck in finding what works for her household.

amother

Beige

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 10:51 am

I don't mean to be insensitive but is there anything extra in your life that you can give up so that you can afford $20 for cleaning help once a week? I gave up my weekly manicures/ once a week bought lunch in exchange for a clean house and it's so worth it.
obviously I don't know if you do a weekly $10 manicure or if you ever buy lunch but maybe you can cut back in some other area so you can afford help.

amother

Gold

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 10:57 am

Hear ya. So I guess we ARE on the same page. It didn't look like that in the beginning. I understood that you meant her to bend over backwards for the sake of looks. Sorry. Sunny

mummiedearest

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 10:59 am

amother wrote:

Hear ya. So I guess we ARE on the same page. It didn't look like that in the beginning. I understood that you meant her to bend over backwards for the sake of looks. Sorry. Sunny

lol. if you knew me in person, you would know that I don't believe in bending over backwards for anyone. certainly not for appearances. some people feel their minds are cluttered when their house is messy, so she should do what she can to keep herself happy.

gibberish

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 11:03 am

Same situation here.

I learned to look away and my home is not as clean as I would like.

Bathtub and toilets are cleaned every other week and additionally as need. Guest room as well. Laundry often waits until mid-week to get put away.

I get cleaning help for 2-3 hours before Yom Tov (twice a year) when I'm hosting more than usual.

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