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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers
"Playing doctor" - innocent?



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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Wed, Aug 24 2016, 9:17 pm
I know it's pretty normal and you're supposed to just teach kids about privacy and move on, but how do you know if a kid says they are just playing doctor if it might be something more?

Saw my kids doing it with a friend and probably overreacted but even though I hear playing doctor is normal for this age to try I still feel very worried.
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amother
Indigo


 

Post Thu, Aug 25 2016, 1:54 pm
It is very normal. But, you can discuss it and have some rules so you don't need to worry about it.

So when I was little, my parents found me and a little boy I was friends with playing doctor in a bed room with the door closed, but it was innocent as far as I'm concerned - we were pre-school age, but not as young as your child I think. My parents' and his parents' reaction was so strong that it really traumatized me - I still remember it to this day. So it's very important not to make a big deal out of it. Because what it did to me was teach me that it doesn't matter how I feel about a situation, because my judgement isn't enough to decide whether something is okay or not, and I must assume everything is inappropriate and avoid anything that might even seem inappropriate regardless of whether it is or not. You can imagine how this affected me in life at various ages and stages. If they hadn't made a big deal, I'm sure I would have forgotten the incident.

That being said, our parents did lay down some ground rules which I think were useful, and for playing in general, not specifically for doctor, because they'll wonder wha's wrong with this and it will be confusing. (1) For all and any games or playing, all items of clothing have to stay on everyone, and no lifting or pulling them down either (2) Children should play in a room with the door open, or better yet, only in the living room and not in a bedroom - it's a good rule in general for small children
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DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 25 2016, 2:24 pm
What exactly were they doing?

If "playing doctor" = taking temperatures (um, orally) with plastic thermometers, putting on band-aids, checking blood pressure with a fake cuff, and using a play stethoscope, I don't see a cause for concern.

If there are gynecological/urologist exams going on, I'd step in and explain that this is not appropriate.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 25 2016, 2:36 pm
If it involves anything that exposes areas that are normally covered, and involves anything that we tell our kids adults should not be seeing or touching, then it's time to make the doctor kit "disappear" from the toy closet.

As told to me by a friend in the social work field, when my kids were little and I asked.....
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amother
Wheat


 

Post Thu, Aug 25 2016, 2:43 pm
DrMom wrote:
What exactly were they doing?

If "playing doctor" = taking temperatures (um, orally) with plastic thermometers, putting on band-aids, checking blood pressure with a fake cuff, and using a play stethoscope, I don't see a cause for concern.

If there are gynecological/urologist exams going on, I'd step in and explain that this is not appropriate.

Playing doctor is a common euphemism for kids pulling down each other's pants and checking things out.
Op, it is normal for small kids to do that, they're curious. You teach them that its not allowed, but don't do it in hysterical way. If they continue to do it excessively, past preschool, or you hear any kind of explicit language,those would be reasons to worry.
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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Sat, Aug 27 2016, 10:06 pm
Indigo amother, I don't understand -you say you were scarred by the insinuation that your judgment isn't good enough, but which 5 year old has great judgment? Parents are always telling kids that age what to do. I generally try to give my kids a good amount of trust but when dd said "but I like it" in this case, you better believe I told her "even if you like it, you must never do this anymore."

We already had the rule about clothes staying on, very clearly, and the kids broke that rule. We also have the rule about keeping doors open, and about staying where parents can keep an eye on you (when playing outdoors) and they broke that rule too. We had a strong talk about following rules after this but if they broke the rules once I'm not convinced they won't do it again. I'm worried.

DrMom, gynecological exam.

Chayelle, there was no doctor kit involved so taking one away would not be relevant.

Wheat amother, that's my question -what would be considered "excessively?" From my kids report it seems they've been playing doctor (in their words) with clothes on and hopefully in more acceptable ways (though I suspect there was some crotch activity even with clothes on) for over a month but only pulled down the panties twice before I caught them and resolved to watch a LOT more closely. But I get the idea that the other kid they were doing it with does it a lot more. And if the other kid does it excessively and that's the kid who did it with mine, then I'm worried that my kids may have learned this "game" in the wrong way.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 28 2016, 4:53 pm
don't make melodramatic accusations ... make it simple ... oh we can play doctor but everybody has to keep their clothes on

although there's this joke that goes something like this~

little girl: ill let you touch mine if you let me touch yours

little boy: no way you already broke yours

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