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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers
4.5 yr old ds constantly wetting himself...losing my mind!



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amother
Seagreen


 

Post Tue, Aug 30 2016, 8:30 am
Title says it all. 4.5 yr old ds is wet at least 3-4 times a day, and I've just about had enough. He's been trained since about 2.5 or so, still wears diapers at night. For the past year, he comes home wet from gan every single day. On the days he's not wet, he stinks of urine since it's obviously dried. I hate it, and I'm so fed up. I've tried bribery, sticker charts, prizes, threatening, punishments, reminders constantly- nothing helps. He doesn't even seem to notice once he's gone, it doesn't bother him at all. I hate the fact that he constantly reeks, that on a day out I have to carry at least 2 spare changes of pants with me, and that I have take him to the toilet all day.

When will this end? What's wrong with him? I'm so just fed up, and after the fourth change today, I let lose. I yelled, put him in time out, and put a diaper on him. He doesn't seem to care. What can I do?! At wits end
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amother
Crimson


 

Post Tue, Aug 30 2016, 10:59 am
I don't understand. Why do you say that he's "trained"?

If he still needs diapers at night, and is soaking his pants all day, he's obviously not toilet trained. Just knowing which room the toilet is in, does not make him trained.

You need to talk to a doctor or parenting coach, and figure out the right way to get him to go when he needs to. Yelling is only going to make things worse.
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cholenteater




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 30 2016, 1:11 pm
Wow that sounds so frustrating!! This may be related to not recognizing the feeling of having to go/ the sensory build up. Maybe you can try pullups- cold training pullups? They turn cold when he goes, which helps him learn the feeling that he went, then recognize the feeling of about to go, then hopefully go before having to go.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d.....obile


I second getting opinion from Dr.
Other then that, it seems like you have tried many different ways. He may need to be trained again- as in home for three days complete retraining with the emphasis on positive reinforcement and that he is a big boy. I just posted ideas on another thread- let me know if you want me to copy and paste.
Good luck!
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gibberish




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 30 2016, 1:16 pm
Does he wet himself at home too or only at gan?
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cholenteater




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 30 2016, 1:20 pm
gibberish wrote:
Does he wet himself at home too or only at gan?

Sounds like this happens all the time, and when they go out as well- in op she said on days out she has to bring two changes of pants.
But if this only Gan related, that's a good point. It could be that the teacher/assistant either doesn't take at a set time, doesn't help him go and just sends him to the bathroom, or that he doesn't ask to go and they only take when children ask and by set times. (As in they don't take him even if he is dancing/getting hyper)
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momsrus




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 30 2016, 1:30 pm
Is he constipated?

You need to talk to his doc.
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amother
Seagreen


 

Post Tue, Aug 30 2016, 1:49 pm
Thanks for the replies everyone.

He wets himself at gan, at home, out on trips...anywhere and everywhere. He definitely was toilet trained, but I presumed all kids have accidents sometimes. My 6 yr old dd occasionally had accidents too, so I thought no big deal of it. I think him being in gan and constantly coming home wet didn't help, he just doesn't seem to notice or care when he's wet himself.

The diapers suggested sound like regular pull ups, except they have a pattern so you can see if it's wet or not- I think a normal diaper is pretty much the same.

Would re-training him really help? I can't see how it would benefit him- he'd still wet himself a few times a day. I don't think bribing him with a chocolate chip and having him miss 3 days of gan (ie. 3 days of insanity for me) would be of much help.

Should I speak to my doctor? What is there to do at this age? I think it's not considered a real problem unless the child is above age 6 or so.

I guess I was looking for anyone else who has the same problem...is it really just him?!
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amother
Seagreen


 

Post Tue, Aug 30 2016, 1:50 pm
Oh, and constipated- I doubt it. He goes at least 2-3 times a day (#2).
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5*Mom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 30 2016, 2:09 pm
amother wrote:
He's been trained since about 2.5 or so, still wears diapers at night. For the past year, he comes home wet from gan every single day. On the days he's not wet, he stinks of urine since it's obviously dried.

Are you saying that he was fully trained and dry most days for a year and then, this past year, he regressed? Or has this always been a problem and instead of getting better it's gotten worse?

Also, I'm disturbed that he sometimes comes home with dried urine on his clothes, which means that his genenot are not taking care of him during the day and they're not calling you to take care of him either. This is very concerning. How aware are you of what goes on in gan? What the ganenot are like? How they treat the kids? What the atmosphere is like? How your son is doing overall? Have you ever popped in for a peek? IMO every parent of little kids should do that from time to time to get a first-hand, unscripted impression of what really goes on in gan.

Can you think of anything that could be upsetting your son enough to regress in this way? New baby in the last year? New house? Big gan transition? Other?


Oops, edited to correct spelling.


Last edited by 5*Mom on Tue, Aug 30 2016, 3:10 pm; edited 1 time in total
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cholenteater




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 30 2016, 3:05 pm
[/quote]The diapers suggested sound like regular pull ups, except they have a pattern so you can see if it's wet or not- I think a normal diaper is pretty much the same.
[/quote]

The pullups actually turn cold- look at the cool and learn pullups. This helps the child feel the difference. The regular pullups have a pattern that changes when the child goes, which I don't think really helps them learn and is more of a tool for grownups to know that the pull up got wet- similar to newborn diapers with a blue line.


Last edited by cholenteater on Tue, Aug 30 2016, 3:09 pm; edited 1 time in total
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cholenteater




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 30 2016, 3:07 pm
5*Mom wrote:
Are you saying that he was fully trained and dry most days for a year and then, this past year, he regressed? Or has this always been a problem and instead of getting better it's gotten worse?

Also, I'm disturbed that he sometimes comes home with dried urine on his clothes, which means that his genenot are not taking care of him during the day and they're not calling you to take care of him either. This is very concerning. How aware are you of what goes on in gan? What the ganenot are like? How they treat the kids? What the atmosphere is like? How your son is doing overall? Have you ever popped in for a peak? IMO every parent of little kids should do that from time to time to get a first-hand, unscripted impression of what really goes on in gan.

Can you think of anything that could be upsetting your son enough to regress in this way? New baby in the last year? New house? Big gan transition? Other?


This!
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 30 2016, 3:30 pm
OP, if your son has always been like this, then you need to rethink your definition of "trained".

You sound like you don't have the patience to handle this, but you need to inconvenience yourself for your son's sake, and get him properly trained. In some cities, there are even people you can pay to come over every day and work with him.

Your gannanet will thank you.
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amother
Seagreen


 

Post Tue, Aug 30 2016, 3:34 pm
Thanks 5* mom- truth is, he's left his gan and is starting somewhere completely new this coming year. I do think his gannenet tried to be on top of him going to the bathroom, but with 25 little boys, I doubt they keep track- they probably remind them a few times a day. His gan looked fine the various times I popped in. He did complain about the toilets not being flushed, but from what I experience at home, I highly doubt it makes a difference if he goes once or 8 times a day- he'd still wet himself. Sometimes the gannenets changed him, other times he may have gone and they didn't notice...

I don't think gan is the issue, since he's wet at home about 4 times a day. He was trained about 2.5, and I'm not sure exactly when he starting having accidents- I guess he's always had one a day, but in the past year it's been much more. No new baby, no moving house...other than ending his gan (it's a one year gan and he's extremely sociable so starting a new place doesn't phase him in the least) no changes I can think about.

I guess I'll just wait it out. Those diapers do potentially sound great but I doubt I can buy them here (israel) for a decent price.
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amother
Seagreen


 

Post Tue, Aug 30 2016, 3:37 pm
FF- you're totally right. He's a very draining child (highly energetic, very lively) and I just can't deal with this anymore, on top of him being home all day for the summer. But he IS trained, he knows when to go to the bathroom, I really think it's just lazyness and being too engrossed in play to notice...and he never makes a #2 in his pants (thank g-d!) so does have some control...right?
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amother
Ivory


 

Post Tue, Aug 30 2016, 3:43 pm
Um, abuse? This is one of the main signs of abuse, that previously trained kids start having accidents.

See link http://www.stopitnow.org/ohc-c.....eet-7

I assume you are in Israel by the way you call it gan and gennenot, I am sure you are aware that there is a lot of abuse going on in the schools right now.

If in fact your child was abused, the worst thing you can do is make him feel bad about it or pressure him. When children are abused they literally cut off sensation from that part of their bodies and stop feeling the signs of having to go to the bathroom. They literally do not have control. As they heal through therapy, this symptom goes away on it's own.

Time for an evaluation.
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amother
Seagreen


 

Post Tue, Aug 30 2016, 3:49 pm
Please can we not jump to abuse. He was in a small, loving gan with 2 lovely gannanot that I saw on a daily basis. No one else has ever had any issue with it, and I doubt the matter of wetting himself can immediately link to abuse.
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5*Mom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 30 2016, 4:38 pm
amother wrote:
He was in a small, loving gan with 2 lovely gannanot that I saw on a daily basis.

Have the gannenot discussed this with you? How have they been handling his accidents in gan? Why are they leaving him in wet, urine-soaked clothing every single day? This does not seem loving. I can't imagine a situation like this feels loving to your child.
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amother
Ivory


 

Post Tue, Aug 30 2016, 4:52 pm
5*Mom wrote:
Have the gannenot discussed this with you? How have they been handling his accidents in gan? Why are they leaving him in wet, urine-soaked clothing every single day? This does not seem loving. I can't imagine a situation like this feels loving to your child.


Right. Loving morahs do not lets kids stay wet. My son had "two loving gananot" as well. He came back every day with dried urine on his clothes. My son was the first in his class to speak up about the abuse (he was 3.5).His only symptom was that he suddenly had tons of accidents when he had been trained fully before the year began (also that he never wanted to go to school). Only after we pulled my son out of school did the other children have the guts to speak up. By the end of the year, an THIRD of the class was gone. There was major abuse going on in that school.

Suddenly wetting after being trained has been proven as a major red flag of abuse. Don't dismiss it right away. Abuse exists. A lot. It is irresponsible and dangerous to dismiss this possibility just because you feel uncomfortable or think it can never happen to you.
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amother
Ivory


 

Post Tue, Aug 30 2016, 4:54 pm
amother wrote:
He was in a small, loving gan with 2 lovely gannanot.


25 kids with two morahs is small?!? Loving morahs don't notice accidents and let the kids stay wet?!?
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