Divorced parents of chosson or kallah

Shuly

Mon, Sep 05 2016, 11:22 am

I was at 2 weddings where the divorced parents walked their daughter down together and they had a married couple follow them from behind.

In one case, it was the married grandparents and in the other case, it was the shadchan and her husband. It worked out very nicely.

amother

Coffee

Wed, Sep 07 2016, 7:32 am

amother wrote:

What if the mechutanim cant agree? My nephew just got engaged. His in-laws are chassidish and say it must be a married couple walking him down the aisle. My sis is divorced and wants to walk her son down the aisle (with her ex or without him). The other side is fighting this.

My sis went through a lot with this child and says that after all the heartache she went through with him, she wants to be the one to walk him down. And be the one next to him, not a third person on the end or behind them.

I'm the op and I believe we're talking about the same person. Wink

Chayalle

Wed, Sep 07 2016, 7:53 am

Just another perspective, reading the previous post about a woman who wants to be the one to take her child down the aisle (a sentiment I can fully relate to BTW). What about the feelings of the chosson or Kallah, what do THEY want? This is their big day, after all, hopefully B"EH once-in-a-lifetime.

When my sister was engaged, very shortly after my mother A"H passed away, I asked her what SHE wants. She told me she wants her wedding to be and look as normal as possible. She doesn't want a whole entourage of people walking her down - like my father plus an extra couple - so that everyone can point and say nebach, she just lost her mother, she needs all these people....so my father and my oldest sister walked her down, and it looked, to the onlooker, regular and normal. What the Kallah wanted.

A child whose parents are divorced has doubtless gone thru enough. Perhaps it's worth asking what the child wants. Maybe they don't want another couple walking behind them, or their parent as a third wheel, looking different than everyone else.

My friend's inlaws, who were divorced, walked her DH down the aisle together. Anyone who did not know they were divorced didn't need to know. No whispers at their most precious time.

amother

Babypink

Wed, Sep 07 2016, 8:25 am

Both DH and I have divorced parents. We're chasidish. Our rebbe was clear two married couples should walk us. As far as our parents-the only person who really wanted to walk was my mother-so we had two couples we are close to walk us with my mother being the third person on the end walking with me. It wasn't a big show and all worked out very nicely.

ora_43

Wed, Sep 07 2016, 11:03 am

greenfire wrote:

there are some things you just don't because it's someone else's minhag ... being a mother takes precedence to the other side ... stand your ground

if it's a deal breaker ... well then the boy might be better off

A parent who would rather end their child's engagement than give in regarding a minor detail of the wedding service doesn't deserve to walk down the aisle anyway.

If it's the groom standing his ground, that's a completely different story.

Wed, Sep 07 2016, 11:26 am

Chayalle wrote:

My friend's inlaws, who were divorced, walked her DH down the aisle together. Anyone who did not know they were divorced didn't need to know. No whispers at their most precious time.

This, and not just to avoid highlighting personal issues at an awkward time.

IME, divorced parents put their differences aside for the day and share in their child's simcha. I have seen step-parents included in the ceremony to honor their place in the family, but never any other alterations to the usual routine.

amother

Slateblue

Wed, Sep 07 2016, 6:51 pm

The chosson would prefer his parents walk him down, but also doesnt want to step on future fil's toes. He would prefer to stay out of the argument and just get married.

op-maybe we are talking about the same person.