Can't Afford Cleaning Help

FranticFrummie

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 11:18 am

Another problem, is that I don't know of a single cleaning person who will work for less than a 4 hour a week minimum. Getting someone to come to you for only $20 is nearly unheard of.

OP, you have my sympathies. I hope you find some relief soon.

Amarante

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 11:44 am

Try reading flylady as she is helpful in terms of maximizing time. Getting rid of clutter or at least having a place for it simplifies cleaning because it's harder to clean cluttered spaces and because clutter creates an impetus to mess.

Most people don't have cleaning help and they function. Not being heartless but just stating the reality that cleaning help is considered t be a luxury by even middle class people.

Yiu can do things in small increments. Keep wipes in the bathroom and wipe down. Yiu dint have to do a whole room at once if you don't have time or energy.

And for sanity, you have to let go of impossible standards of keeping a house because the reality is that yiu have limited time and energy and so you use it for the critical things and let go of those that don't matter. Certain small things do a lot though and take almost no time like making a bed or keeping a sink free of dishes. A duvet for the bed means it can be made in less than a minute and by even a husband or a young child and a made bed makes the whole room look out together instantly c

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 11:45 am

Thank you all for the support and validation... Yes, it sounds like Mummiedearest has never been in this situation LOL

We have trimmed and trimmed and trimmed our budget. $20 could probably work, but won't get me cleaning help! I think I'm going to use that $20 and hire a good mother's helper to help out with the kids once a week so that I can get some serious, speedy cleaning done. I so wish it was something I could have someone else do, but I know it's just that- wishful thinking. I would still LOVE ideas and suggestions, if anyone has!!

zigi

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 11:45 am

mummiedearest wrote:

you can clean while the kids are awake. why can't they help clean the bathroom? you do the toilet, let them clean the tub and sink with baby shampoo and water. they'll have a blast. let them help wash child-safe dishes and scrub the counters with soap and water while you wash the dirty dishes in the sink. let them clean chairs and toys with baby wipes or damp rags. they can even mop the floor if you wring out the mop for them.

they can help with Lysol wipes and baby wipes are great for the toothpaste in the sink

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 11:49 am

And guys, I am THAT one! I have wipes in the bathrooms, my house has no clutter, my kids and husband help out. But there is only so far that gets me! If you are working mom with little ones, you know exactly what I mean. We try so hard to be efficient and organized. We are actually pretty good at it! But housework takes time and energy, and I simply don't have enough.

moonstone

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 12:11 pm

You say you and your husband both work full time. Why are you doing all the cleaning? Why doesn't he do his share?

tichellady

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 12:14 pm

Amarante wrote:

You are right that most people consider cleaning help a luxury but to be fair, most orthodox women have much more on their plate than the average woman- between Shabbos and yomtov and having more young kids and more expenses ( kosher, tuition, etc). The women I work with do not have cleaning help but they all have between 1-3 children and can easily pick up a dinner on the way home from work that feeds their whole family for under $10.

zaq

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 12:20 pm

amother wrote:

I mean cleaning that's a little more sophisticated- getting rid of cobwebs, dusting, folding laundry, polishing silver, washing out big pots, vacuuming on different floor levels, switching bed linens, scrubbing the shower and toilets, cleaning out the fridge and pantry, folding and putting away many loads of laundry, miscellaneous ironing, cleaning windows and mirrors, etc. (My youngest is 1 and he will pretty much ruin anyone's attempts to clean- not that there's much time between dinner/bathing/homework! But if I start, it usually is just not productive.)

Priorities, my friend, priorities.
The first thing you must learn is that at your stage of life and in your situation, you MUST adjust your standards and expectations. At this point, your aim should be to keep the house neat enough to prevent injury and clean enough to prevent disease. THAT'S IT.

Polishing silver? Why on earth? The silver will come to no harm for being tarnished. If you can't abide the look of tarnished silver, an abhorrence I happen to share with you, put it away for a few years. Cleaning windows and mirrors? yes, of course you like to be able to see the street when you look out, but of what value is a sparkling mirror if the face you see in it is worn to a shade by overwork? Again, dirty glass doesn't degrade. In a few years you'll have the leisure to clean it, or you will have taught your children to do so.

Do you really need to fold and put away laundry? perhaps you can--just for the time being, not forever--sort things into a series of laundry baskets and use them right from the baskets. is this ideal? No--but neither is making yourself sick, mentally or physically.

Is ironing really necessary? If you're doing your dh's shirts, cease and desist! Teach him how to iron his own. Children's clothes? Why? What a waste! No child ever died of wearing wrinkled clothing. Buy permanent-press as much as possible, and teach yourself not to care that Mrs. Yennems' kids look like Vogue models. Are your children reasonably clean and happy? Then it's all good for now.

Cobwebs? have you been reading Flylady by any chance? Unless and until the cobwebs get to the point of dropping into your soup or scaring the children, let them be. Sure, swipe at low-hanging ones if you notice them as you pass by with a rag in your hand, but don't give yourself this as an actual chore.

Also, DO train your kids to put away their own clothes, fold laundry, polish silver etc. etc. They won't do a very good job now but consider it an investment in your future and theirs. Yours, because eventually they will do a good job for you, and theirs, because these are basic skills every adult should have.

And change your mindset. having children is a messy business, plain and simple. Listen to yourself: you said your one-year-old pretty much wrecks any attempts to clean--so why are you bothering? If you don't learn to live with a degree of disorder, you will only drive yourself nuts. Of course you have to maintain a basic level of sanitation; I do not suggest dispensing with washing dishes or taking out the trash. But "basic" is the operative word here. Save the fancy stuff for a later stage in life. Yes, I know it's painful for a neatnik to see a spotty mirror and rumpled linens, but sometimes you just have to accept that there are things you cannot control.

A mashal: You have a yard with a huge spreading oak tree that sheds bushels and bushels of leaves every fall. You can wear yourself out raking and collecting the leaves every day during leaf-dropping season; you can hire someone to rake and collect for you; you can leave the leaves where they are and eat yourself up resenting the mess in your yard; OR--

you can ignore the mess and embrace the leaves as a natural consequence of having a beautiful shade tree.

tichellady

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 12:31 pm

A few years ago I hired a high school senior to clean my House for 2 hours each Friday. I paid her $20 and she washed the dishes, cleaned the kitchen, did two loads of laundry and folded them and tidied up. She didn't do heavy cleaning but it was really nice to have the house look nice when I came home from work, even if it lasted only a few hours. She didn't like babysitting and wanted to make some money, so it was a great shidduch- just an idea. Obviously it will cost money, but less than a more official cleaning person.

sotired3

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 12:37 pm

I do t know if this would work for you, but when I was in this situation my husband took the kids out for 3 hours on Sunday and I cleaned the house top to bottom. I don't know if you and your husband are home at the same times, but this worked well for me. I knew that my house would be clean at least once a week. And the outings don't have to cost money, he took the to visit relatives, or on errands.

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 2:48 pm

Dh works at a firm.. Long hours... Even on Sundays. BH for employment! But he is tired too, to be honest.

Amarante

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 4:24 pm

tichellady wrote:

I'm not comparing or making light of but most middle class families I know don't feed their families on takeout dreck that costs $10 for a family on any kind of regular basis. And even $10 a night for a few nights would pay for a cleaning woman on a regular basis. They scramble to put food together for their families which is why there are so many short cut recipes from cooking for a week in one day or crockpots or bulk meals that freeze well and so on. The only difference is that the food they start with isn't kosher.

If Shabbos and other holidays are too much, then scale them back until circumstances become less over whelming. It's not different than the insanity that some Xtians put themselves through from Halloween through January 1 whereas others only do and spend what is reasonable for them. Y

If you don't have money to purchase help, then you have to let go of certain standards and prioritize until things ease up.

It's difficult to give up these idealizations of what one should be doing but one should be realstic in that other women probably aren't doing better than you. Their house is probably messy and chores are prioritized so that people have clean clothing but no doubt plenty of dust bunnies hanging around.

dancingqueen

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 4:50 pm

zigi wrote:

they can help with Lysol wipes and baby wipes are great for the toothpaste in the sink

You would give your toddlers Lysol wipes to clean with?

zigi

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 5:03 pm

not toddler older kids,

saw50st8

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 8:28 pm

OP, I can empathize a lot. It's hard.
Here are some things that work for me:

1) My baby is now 3. It makes a HUGE difference. I'm still exhausted and done at the end of the day, but his messes are slightly less.

2) I don't know how old your kids are, but we implemented a points system where my kids can earn points for doing chores. It definitely stepped up their game and then they can watch some TV or play computer games. We stopped giving them that stuff "free" and it's been great.

3) My silver is basically never polished. Maybe once a year I will polish. I do use silver polish wipes which definitely speed things up (weiman brand). They work really well and it goes pretty fast. I'm also ok polishing half of my leichter and doing the other half at a later date.

4) I try to do chores as I'm taking care of the kids. I'll clean the toilet while my kids are splashing around in the bath or I'll wipe down a counter while my kids are talking about their day. Multitasking is key.

5) Get to bed earlier and try to wake up 30 minutes before your kids. It's amazing what you can get done first thing in the morning (yes, this one is painful).

6) Sunday is a big chore day in our house. It needs to be in order for us to function. I also get whatever I can get done on shabbos, on shabbos (non-melacha of course).

7) Understand that your house will likely not be as clean as a person who has cleaning help or is a SAHM. There are only so many hours in the day and you are definitely stretched thin. In a few years, it will be easier. The mess will be less and your kids can do more things independently.

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 8:50 pm

I just want to take a minute to thank all of you who took the time to post. I really appreciate all of the comments and ideas. I guess I am just at a turning point in my life where I really need to work hard at happily letting go. The irony is that those who know me irl would laugh if they know this is me- I have slowly been working harder and harder each year and have managed to keep up a decent front. I have read books, blogs, listened to audio clips, pinned and everything else like crazy in order to keep up this madness. But alas... I think I have to admit defeat.

hesha

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 9:06 pm

If you can somehow put away $20 a week, that means $40 every two weeks. For that money, you should be able to get cleaning help for at least 2 hours every other week. Even though its so very little, I would really try to find something like that. Even if she just does the bathrooms and the floors, your house will feel so much cleaner, it'll motivate you to do some cleaning too, and its worth every penny! I can't say it enough, cleaning help, in even the tiniest amounts, is a sanity saver (at least for me)

BrachaVHatzlocha

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 9:24 pm

Sorry, I didn't read all the replies. But I think getting once a month or so... $50...can be workable if you generally live paycheck to paycheck (not necessarily if you're on debt...)
1. Cut down on food expenses. Serve beans/eggs once a week instead of chicken/meat. No yogurts, lebens, etc...
2. Go to uniform gmach, if there is one.
3. Some communities have free school supplies giveaways. If not, shop sales

hmcty

Sun, Sep 11 2016, 10:58 am

I understand. I use to be a perfectionist and wanted everything perfectly clean. I tried to program myself that its ok. the house doesnt need to be perfect. Certain things I feel I need to do every day like sweep the kitchen floor( but I will only mop it once a week unless really really dirty) and washing the dishes.... we need to rest and relax ourselves