ISO classy MO communities

amother

Mistyrose

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 11:31 am

cnc wrote:

I'm actually chassidish myself. in the US, as others have said, classy as you wrote is usually a term used by chassidish people. People were responding the way they did because its sounded as if you were chassidish and looking to join a MO community.

Classy is used by many people. My litvish sister uses it all the time to describe her style.

I just watched an old episode of "Say Yes to the Dress, Big Bliss" (yes, I was bored). And the black women used "classy" about 100 times to describe her style and what she was looking for. So obviously the term is used in many types of communities. It isn't a chassidish saying by far.

sweetpotato

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 11:45 am

amother wrote:

Someone asked earlier if the OP (who is obviously MO) was from an insular community. I am actually curious because I wouldn't know. Is there a such thing as an insular MO community? It would seem to me that MO, by nature, is not insular.

I didn't grow up in these communities and don't want to make blanket statements but in my experience some of the really large MO communities (Teaneck, 5 Towns) are insular in the sense that people all grow up together, go to the same schools/camps/year-in-Israel seminaries/yeshivas, often go to similar universities and follow certain career tracks. If you consider the YU-type crowd to be MO as well, then there's certainly insularity there. I think you always have some insularity when you have a large established community of people from similar backgrounds and affiliations.

amother

Aquamarine

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 12:01 pm

amother wrote:

Thinking about it from a British perspective, maybe by classy, she means "polite, well mannered, polished, proper, and people that mind their own business." Part of what British people are generally bothered by in Americans is how they are very laid back. People don't have a problem touching each other, knocking on each other's doors, asking "personal" questions to become closer friends etc. Maybe OP thinks that in a community where people are dressed formal, they act formal as well. Unfortunately, this isn't really the case, and I think the problem is more about the cultural norms.

Why would someone want to live in a place where everyone wears brand name perfect outfits all the time and has perfectly manicured rose bushes if they didn't have the money to keep up with the neighbors?! That's why I jumped to the first paragraph conclusion--she must think that the people that dress "classy" also act like the queen of england.

Perhaps.

But she also stated that she was looking for an "upper class" community. As an American, I think of the American definition of this term -- meaning the "1%." The "rich." The influential. Not just wealthy, but immensely wealthy. As Wikipedia explains,

Quote:

The American upper class is the wealthiest layer of society in the United States and is often referred to as the rich. People of this class commonly have immense influence in the nation's political and economic institutions as well as public opinion. The American upper class is composed of members born into this class, called members of Old money; as well as those who have acquired their wealth and influence within their own generation, called the Nouveau riche.

(As far as I can tell it has the same meaning in the UK, perhaps with the added context of being consumers of the arts.)

While the poster also said that she didn't want the area to be overly expensive, that's a matter of perspective. To the "upper class," a modest $2 million home may not be overly expensive.

Coupled with the "upper class" comment, the reference to "classy" at least seemed to mean "I don't want to have to associate with the hoi poloi."

OP claims she didn't mean that, and I'll accept her at her word. But she does need to understand that the words she uses do have a certain meaning in the society in which she lives, and to learn from the misunderstanding.

Perhaps if she were willing to provide examples of what she wants in an area, she could get better input.

amother

Mauve

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 4:57 pm

amother wrote:

I actually grew up in a conservative household. Ive drifted more towards MO.
I'm British and moved to the US for a job and find the community I live in uncomfortable for me.
As I have been offered the option of relocating within the US, I was asking a simple question and I'm sorry you ladies wanted to nitpick and find me offensive.
I dont feel I owe any explanation for a perfectly innocent query

I grew up in Britain and have lived in the U.S.A. yet I would never use the phrase that I was looking for a "classy" community. It's not that we are nitpicking, we just truly don't understand what you mean. I associate the word "classy" with standoffish/holier than thou/keeping up with the Cohens type of behaviour. If you didn't mean your post to come across as negative, I suggest you clarify fully what you mean by "classy" as I don't understand it in the British nor American way you are trying to convey.

Hatzlacha with your relocation. It depends on what you are looking for in the States. If you are looking for a vibrant frum community then somewhere in NY/NJ makes sense. However, if you are happy to be in a smaller, emerging community, there are lots of these all over the country and you could just pick the state first and then the city second based on where you might find work/kosher communities etc.

amother

Black

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 5:37 pm

scrltfr wrote:

Please. Once OP posted that pic of classy/trampy we all knew what she meants

I think OP is young and sheltered, and wants her (future?) children to hang out with wealthy children and marry rich. She's probably thinking negatively of some of these schleppier NY communities that are more to the right, with women in ratty snoods with grays snaking out, socks and sandals; sitting on their stoops in groups gossiping loudly with nasally voices. This American cultural ilk is off-putting to many Europeans. Anyway OP, I hope you find your place.

amother

Aquamarine

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 5:37 pm

scrltfr wrote:

Please. Once OP posted that pic of classy/trampy we all knew what she meants

So "classy" is wearing tight jeans tucked into high-heeled boots to be squished into an airplane seat (not to mention taking off the boots for security)? And carrying two large totes, but pretending that one is a purse? As opposed to dressing in loose-fitting clothing and slip-on footwear?

So is OP in fact looking for a community where people dress less casually?

I still don't get it.

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 5:57 pm

amother wrote:

I agree that high-heeled boots are of dubious merit in the airport and I don't think the "tramp" looked so terrible...but I do get it, at least as far as we can read the OP's mind by her choice of image.

The "classy lady" looks fabulous: comfortably but elegantly dressed, not trying too hard, polished and well put-together. Hair, makeup and accessories all done but not overdone, no glitz. Her bag (if you read the fine print) is tidy and organized.

Have you never been to a venue where everyone seems to be nicely turned out? I have, and never having been able to pull it off myself, I know I stick out in the crowd (just mentioning that pre-emptively so I am not accused of being defensive of my own fabulosity). So the OP wants to be in that kind of environment. There is probably a better way of asking for information about communities, but it isn't really a mystery.

dancingqueen

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 6:26 pm

scrltfr wrote:

Please. Once OP posted that pic of classy/trampy we all knew what she meants

Really? because I still don't, but trampy is a word from my mothers generation, not mine so this feels like a culture and generation gap of misunderstanding.
The other issue is that op wants a community that has an upper class feel while being inexpensive, and most MO communities that I am familiar with are expensive, especially if they have an upper class feel. So I really still don't know how to help her, but I am sorry you were feeling hurt, op!

PinkFridge

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 6:48 pm

amother wrote:

I usually support using amother but...

tigerwife

Thu, Sep 15 2016, 2:02 am

browser wrote:

When I think of classy I think of " put together",
Also, classy people don't dress too showy or too drab. They don't use foul langauge. Classy people often have an innate elegance and have respect for themselves and others.
Op may have been talking about behavior/attitude when using the term "classy".

I agree with this. Classy makes me think of pearls and a sharp white shirt, neat hair and a refined, polite manner. I don't get the chassidish association either. Plenty of people here use the term; it doesn't have negative connotations to me at all. Oh, and you'll definitely find classy people in the tristate area despite the slobbish stereotyping.

I'm not familiar with all MO neighborhoods so I can't help much with suggestions. I will say that you will find all types everywhere and a mixed crowd is great; you can be your own 'classy' self even if others are different.

amother

Pumpkin

Tue, Jan 17 2017, 3:45 pm

Wow, I have to say I could not believe how rude some of the responses were on this thread. Being a BT myself I was very very diassppinted. As I was becoming more and more religious I was taught that emberrasing another person is same as murder!!! And many people here embarresed the OP. So what if she wants high class ,wealth people around her? Why does that offend you guys? How dare can you u say to another jew "do not move into my neighborhood"?

Being european myself I totally understand what she means by classy! And yes unfortunately many frum communties are lacking that "classy" feel. Is that a negative thing? NO!! Americans are more casual with the dress code and attidues in general. Thats just the way it is in America. But having that "classy" feel is also not a bad thing. It is a personal choice.

Having said that, me and my husband are looking into different MO communties in the NY area right now. In my opinion Teaneck and 5 Towns is missing that "classy" feel. I think Englewood and Tenafly fits the description better but they both have much smaller jewish community. Heard of Riverdale and New Rochelle but never visited so not sure.
I personally think UWS and UES fit that "Classy' feel more than any other communtiy. YOu will find many highly educated professionals, people who have travelled a lot and are very worldy, many europeans, and people who love living close the amenties of the one of the greatest cities in the world.

I am really hoping I am not offending anyone with this reply. We are all Hashem's children and all created differently. Instead of judging each other and being hurtful , lets try to give each other the benefit of the doubt and getting along as we are supposed to.