Children asking how babies are born S/O

baschabad

Thu, Sep 15 2016, 1:10 pm

Reading a recent thread I noticed something about the words that many women chose to use in describing the process of childbirth.
So I am just curious- all of you who tell your children that "Hashem makes a neis", or "the hole miraculously opens" etc., do you also use those phrases to describe how stool emerges from the rectum?
It's the same principle, a sphincter muscle that relaxes and opens to expel a larger object before returning to a normal size.

Passing stool is just as much a bodily function as childbirth, but I wonder if and why more choose to reference "the wonders of Hashem" in childbirth.

Is there a sense of security in bringing Hashem into what is an arguably a delicate conversation of s-xual nature?

iriska_meller

Thu, Sep 15 2016, 1:15 pm

I explained things very matter of factly.

Women have a special opening called v@gina. (It's right next to the pee hole). When it's time for the baby to come out, v@gina opens up (it's very stretchy) and baby comes out. Sometimes a doctor needs to make an opening in the mommy's belly to help the baby come out.

In my experience if you don't get all excited about the topic, kids get their question answered and move on.

Last edited by iriska_meller on Thu, Sep 15 2016, 1:21 pm; edited 1 time in total

lfab

Thu, Sep 15 2016, 1:24 pm

I was one of the posters who said I told my DD that Hashem makes the body work in miraculous ways and the the hole open up to fit a baby through. I did this not necessarily to bring Hashem and nisim into childbirth but because if you think about it it really is quite amazing. You can't compare the size of stool to the size of a baby's head! For all intents and purposes it seems amazing, to me at least, each time I give birth that this being that I am holding in my hands could possibly fit inside of me and pass through the birth canal. Additionally, the hole we are describing could also refer to the cervix, which is not a sphincter muscle, and so should not be able to just stretch to allow a bigger object to pass through. So yes, I think it actually is quite miraculous that the body can just dilate the cervix, again much larger than one would imagine, to allow a baby's head and body to pass through.

Another point, children don't usually question how stool passes through the rectum, but that too can be described as miraculous. Isn't that pretty much what we are saying in Asher Yatzar, that we are thanking Hashem for making our bodies work in such a way that we can pass waste through our system? That Hashem allows the holes that need to to open/close as needed. If kids asked about it we probably would describe it as miraculous. But since they take it for granted and don't ask we don't explain it to them as a miracle.

chani8

Thu, Sep 15 2016, 1:32 pm

Well, yes. I think making poop is also miraculous. Isn't that why we say asher yatzar. To thank Hashem for the miracle of elimination. The whole process of digestion from beginning to end is a miracle.

And of course, our body stretching as much as it needs to, to allow a baby to emerge, is nothing but a miracle. (Often the miracle isn't perfect, either, as can be evidenced by the necessity of stitches. But we wont talk about that.)

sweetpotato

Thu, Sep 15 2016, 1:34 pm

I think many people can relate to the fact that childbirth, though of course a bodily function, is not as commonplace or easily understood as having a bowel movement or urinating. Everyone does these things, and a child from a very young age can understand intuitively what happens and what it feels like to go to the bathroom. It happens multiple times, every day, for your entire life.

By contrast, having a baby does boggle the mind, especially for a child or someone who hasn't experienced it. Before my first was born, even though I understood fully the physiological reality of what was going to happen during child birth, I still didn't really "get it." Even the language we use to try to describe it ("contractions," "transition" "pushing" etc.) doesn't fully help you to understand what's happening.

And whether a young child or an adult, conceptually the idea of a 7 lb baby emerging from a woman's body is pretty mind boggling. Passing a stool is really not even close to being similar here. Not to mention we don't go to the hospital or enlist the care of doctors and midwives to pass a stool (under normal circumstances).

So I don't think it's silly or strange that parents invoke Hashem and miraculous language to help children understand childbirth. Non-religious people also speak about having a baby as a miracle and recognize the inherent mysteries to the process. Yes, I understand it's not a medical miracle--it's something our bodies are designed to do. But it's still pretty mind boggling. You can't put it on the same level of commonplace-ness or relateability as pooping or peeing.

I'm a major proponent of childbirth being a safe, normal and natural occurrence that should be spoken about using normal language, but I also recognize that young kids need some help in bridging the gap between knowledge and experience.

Finally, we do recognize the miraculousness even of pooping and peeing, which is why we say asher yatzer.

Laiya

Thu, Sep 15 2016, 3:46 pm

When my kids went through the preschool phase of "potty talk", I spoke to them about the neis and bracha of a functioning body, and that's why we don't make fun of bodily functions. Instead, we thank Hashem for making our bodies work.

At one point I even showed them an illustrated youtube video that went over the process of digestion, and how incredible it is that we can eat, our body takes what it needs, and gets rid of the rest. And how many things all need to work properly for the system to work, etc. And that's why we have a special bracha, as pp have said.

Laiya

Thu, Sep 15 2016, 3:59 pm

I want to just add that I personally like trying to bring Hashem into conversations with my kids, in general. When dc complains of a booboo, I may say, Hashem will make the blood dry up to make a scab, and that protects the booboo while it heals.

One of my relatives tells my kids, "Hashem made you so beautiful / handsome", and I like that. You want to compliment them, but you don't want them to become conceited. And it's the truth--it is from Hashem.

essie14

Fri, Sep 16 2016, 4:33 am

amother wrote:

Well it's a bit more complicated cause even though I tell my 5yr old daughter how a baby is born with correct terms I still don't feel ready to tell her about birth control.... I know it's not the whole truth but my daughter is wanting to know why I'm not having a baby.....

I am a huge advocate of being honest with your children about bodily functions, where babies come from, etc. but I do not think discussing birth control is appropriate for a 5 year old. You can explain that every woman's body is different and some women are able to have more children than others but your body needs a break right now to recuperate from your last baby (or whatever) and maybe you will have another baby in the future. Or if you're done, you can explain that appropriately too.
I don't think I would discuss birth control until the s*x talk before puberty.

m in Israel

Fri, Sep 16 2016, 8:39 am

In addition to the great points everyone already brought up with regard to the incredible aspects of childbirth as well as the appreciation for the constant way our bodies function via the bracha of Asher Yatzer, childbirth is considered something uniquely "in Hashem's hands". It is one of the three "keys" that He doesn't give over to other forces (childbirth, techiyas Hameisim, and rain). So viewing it through the lenses of a "miraculous" experience is very in line with Torah ideas. It doesn't mean of course that it is not part of teva -- rain, too, is the result of natural scientific phenomenon -- but we still talk about Hashem sending the rain so that the plants can grow and we can have water, etc.

And honestly, despite the obvious connection between childbirth and s*x in the mind of any adult, when having these discussions with young children (I believe the OP in the previous thread was talking about an 8 year old), most people I know really don't bring any s*xual overtones into the conversation. The mechanics of birth can very easily be discussed without any discussion of how pregnancy begins. So I don't think that is a factor here.

zaq

Fri, Sep 16 2016, 10:43 am

amother wrote:

G-d made everybody, and every body, different. Why are some people sighted and some blind, some dark and some pale, some athletic and some gawky? So G-d sends some people many children, some a few , and some none. Why is this complicated?

You should absolutely NOT be bringing up the topic of contraception to a five-year-old. TMI that she wouldn't understand in any case. When she's an adult she will draw her own conclusions, correct or not, about your reproductive status or lack thereof.

amother

Seashell

Sat, Sep 17 2016, 1:44 pm

I don't even think its necassary to bring up birth control at the s-x/ puberty talk on less your child asks about it or their is a chance she will be s-xually active.

I learned about different types of birth control when I went to the OBGYN and asked for it. I new the concept existed before but it really wasn't that relative to me until then. Especailly because I couldn't fathom that I would actually want to have s-x if I wasn't trying to have kids Rolling Eyes