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Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section
Other side wants to make wedding closer to where they live
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animeme




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 18 2016, 4:09 pm
I'm also wondering if either side is in the NY area, or if "in the middle" is in NY. That may impact things.
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trixx




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 18 2016, 4:22 pm
imasinger wrote:
I have a friend who had a similar story, except she had both the elderly grandparents AND the long travel time.

She wasn't asking for the location to be changed. Just the time of the wedding, so that it could be early on a Sunday afternoon, and people who had to travel, plus elderly grandparents, could get home before 3 am.

Kallah's family refused to change.

It was a little frustrating and hurtful, but in the end, the simcha still was wonderful.


Just pointing out that in hall that could do two weddings a day, (morning to afternoon and then regular afternoon to night) booking an in between time means the hall loses the second wedding and charges you for it. I got married in a huge hall in a huge Jewish community and we had that.

And yes, Sunday is usually more expensive, but we had to have that day.
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amother
Blue


 

Post Sun, Sep 18 2016, 5:02 pm
justmarried wrote:
I think the main person to consider is the kallah. She will want all her friends, classmates and relatives to come to the wedding. I might travel for someone who I'm extremely close with. But 2-3 hours for a classmate? No way. And not even all relatives. People have busy lives and can't always get away.

As nice as it is if the grandparents come, they are not the guest of honor. How will the kallah feel if she barely has people dancing at her wedding - but yay grandma is there.

In my circles, the wedding is almost always where the kallah lives. If a boy does a shidduch with someone who lives elsewhere he prob knows right off the bat that the weddibg will be there. It doesn't make sense to inconvenience all the guests and make everyone travel.


Wow. So , the "main person to consider" is the kallah. Not the chatan. He's at best secondary.

So, The most important thing is that the kallah have her high school friends at her wedding. But they don't really care enough about her to travel 3 hours, so you need to make it say for them. Even if that means the chatan's elderly grandparents won't make it. I mean grandparents are.nice, but that girl you sat next to in 10th grade math, well, where would you be without her.
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amother
Burgundy


 

Post Sun, Sep 18 2016, 10:43 pm
op, this is a tough decision. Who is more important? some here are arguing about this, some say the kallah, some say it is more important to consider her friends while others say that it is important to consider the grandparents and also try to compromise for the sake of a relationship with the future mechutanim.

Well, like everything in life, it is not so simple. Here, you are happy your daughter is getting married. You are working hard to put together a wedding and pay for it. So, you want to make it easier for yourself, your daughter, friends.... while at the same time, you want to make your future mechutanim happy. This is what I find the most challenging situations in life because what do you do? Sacrifice your (greater) happiness and less stress for someonelse's(mechutanim) less stress and greater happiness. You are important too especially since you are working so hard to make the wedding.... However, at the same time, you want to do this chesed.

It is such a hard decision to make and at this time in my life, I have done so much chesed for others, that I feel too overwhelmed to make such a sacrifice as this because for me schleppping is so stressful. I especially hate when people say "well, imagine you in her place in x number of years". However, if you are able to sacrifice and make the wedding in the middle, even though it will be harder for you and some relatives may not make it, then kol hakovod to you.

mazel tov.
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chanchy123




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 19 2016, 3:53 am
5*Mom wrote:
This seems to be a popularly held opinion on this thread but I have to vehemently disagree. Not a single one of us would be on this earth if not for our ancestors who have come before us and, directly or indirectly, brought us into this world. A wedding most definitely is about grandparents, much more so than friends and other relatives. After having lived a long life dedicated to their offspring, grandparents have at least earned the right to have the nachas of seeing their descendants building batei neeman b'Yisrael. I think it is cruel and ungrateful and lacking in perspective to deny this nachas to elderly grandparents, or make them choose between missing their grandchild's wedding or possibly endangering their health, for reasons to do with dancing friends or hair and make-up.

OP I'm not minimizing the difficulty this will present to you. It's not an easy situation to be in because making a wedding even close by is complicated enough. And it may well be a disappointment to the kallah, who has probably been imagining her wedding with all her dancing friends for most of her life. But I really, REALLY think it's the right thing to do.

If you still don't know what to do, imagine yourself in 40 years when these children of yours are marrying off their child to an out-of-towner who lives too far for you to travel...

Mazal tov and enjoy the simcha wherever it takes place!


Absolutely.
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amother
Pink


 

Post Mon, Sep 19 2016, 7:12 am
We made an out of town wedding. Boy was from NY and girl was from Baltimore.
We asked if the wedding could be in Lakewood, but the girl's side said no.
They did however, make the wedding on a Thursday night so that we could stay for shabbos sheva brochos and we ended up having a really nice weekend vacation. They put up our entire extended family in really nice accommodations and they wined and dined us throughout the weekend.
It was beautiful and made our families very close.
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