Started preschool and now having accidents all the time

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Sep 19 2016, 1:23 pm

My 3.5 started preschool at the beginning of the month. Previously, she's always been in a small environment with just a few other kids, but now that she's in real preschool, it's a large group. She has been completely toilet trained for several months (daytime & naps, though not at night yet), and only ever had 1 accident in her small preschool last year, and maybe 3 at home. She is completely independent in terms of going to the bathroom - she tells us when she has to go (we almost never remind her), gets up and goes to the bathroom on her own and sets up her seat, makes in the toilet by herself, and wipes, resets the toilet seat, and flushes by herself, and then washes her hands (with minor intervention to make sure her hands get soaped and washed properly). We always go with her just to make sure she does everything, but she doesn't technically need any help at all.

Since she started at her new, big preschool, she has accidents all the time, sometimes a few in one day. Since she seems to not really go to the bathroom herself, we asked the staff to be more on top of taking her to the bathroom, and even with that, she still has accidents in between, and sometimes is resistant to go even when they take her. This week, she started having accidents when she is with us as well. In general, she says likes preschool, the staff, the kids, the toys, etc. She likes going in the morning, and almost never cries when we drop her off in the mornings (maybe twice in the last 2-3 weeks) and always looks happy when we pick her up. The staff always tells us how happy, talkative, and helpful she is throughout the day.

I don't know if the issue is that she wants an adult to go with her (the kids are expected to go themselves) since that's what she is used to, or if she likes the extra attention now that she is in a big group, or if she has so much fun with all the kids and new toys / activities that she doesn't want to or remember to stop and go to the bathroom in time.

I spoke with the pediatrician, he seemed to think that if the rest of her behavior and eating / sleeping habits are happy and normal, then it's probably just an adjustment to a new situation and there's no reason to make a big deal out of it at this point and we can re-evaluate later if it doesn't resolve (so please don't tell me it's abuse, we don't have any reason to think in that direction now).

We have tried bribing - if she doesn't have an accident all day, then she gets a favorite treat as soon as she comes home. This doesn't really work so well though, because if she has one accident in preschool, she knows that she isn't getting the treat and then has several accidents (because it's either days with no accidents or days with 2-3 accidents). I don't know if the staff will agree to give her a treat each time she goes, as then they'll have tons of other kids throwing tantrums because they don't get a treat. We are trying to work this out, but I don't know if this will work even if we can do it.

I am out of ideas for how to motivate her to go in the bathroom instead of her pants. Any ideas or suggestions would be so helpful!

5*Mom

Mon, Sep 19 2016, 2:02 pm

amother wrote:

I am out of ideas for how to motivate her to go in the bathroom instead of her pants. Any ideas or suggestions would be so helpful!

The best thing you can do is not to give it any attention at all. No bribes. No "how can I motivate her." If she is physically healthy, her environment is safe and nurturing and she enjoys preschool, just accept that this is how it will be for a while and wait it out. She will sort this out on her own. Send her an extra change or two of clothing and be very ho-hum about it. If she brings it up tell her that everyone has accidents now and then while they're learning, it's no big deal, and as she gets bigger she'll get better and better at making in the toilet and eventually the accidents will stop. The more you actively try to intervene the longer it will last and the worse it may become. You can't do this for her. She has to do this herself and in her own time and she will.

amother

Linen

Mon, Sep 19 2016, 2:18 pm

Accidents are a really normal thing to happen to kids when they are adjusting to a new situation and coping with the (normal) challenges of their changing environment. That being said, if she does seem happy at school, is there something about the bathroom itself that is challenging? Does the toilet flush very loudly? Is the sink hard to reach? Do the paper towels not really dry her hands and so she feels she's not doing the job right? Try to ask a lot of questions and inspect the environment to see if you can change something or reassure about something. And then just don't make a big deal of it, its normal it will pass.